I feel trapped by mother, don't know what to do

Question

My situation is.. I am 22 years old which i am still living with my mom. I want to be free. I also know i have it made sorta. Since my mother is a worry wort she is anxiety prone. Being said that she tries to take me driving but fails to do so because she is afraid i ll mess up the car. I feel sort of trapped. I would go out with my friends but they live to far to pick me up. Seriously, i don't know what to do.

Answer 1

At 22 you should be real close to being financially stable.  Hopefully you have some sort of part time job and you're saving a good amount and that you're in college.  If this is the case, then don't worry because you know that you don't have to put up with this for much longer.  Now if you're not going to school and you don't have a good job, then you don't have a choice but to listen and obey you're mother's rules.(beggars can't be choosers) At least you should work on getting your own car asap. But trust me, if you treat your mother with kindness and respect, you can get what ever you want out of her.  

Answer 2

your 22 . . . get a job, move out, start living. While you are living at home mom is paying for everything therefor she is the boss . . . end of story! if you want to do things your way, then start by getting a job. get a news paper it's not that hard. Walk to work, take a taxie, ride a bike, whatever you need to do to get yourself to work. Then move out!

Until then, your gonna hafta do what she wants when she wants!

Answer 3

How to start being a man.

1) stand up to your mother.

2) get your own car

3)move out

4) let you rmother deal with her anxiety its not your problem, she's a big girl.

its common sense

Answer 4

Oh, come on Mama's boy!!!    Decide to be a man!! Move out, get a job, pay for driver's lessons!!  

Answer 5

I think your mom has you wrapped around her little pinky, and wants to have you hanging out with her -- on her terms for the rest of your life. Its time for you to break your ties to her apron string, and find a studio, or room to rent (depending on your expenditure allowance) that is closer to where your friends live, and then pop in at home for the weekends or less than that to check in on your mom. It's not good to feel "trapped" by your mother, things will not change so quickly, without you introducing the change, and if you ever want to have a life that is  separate from your mom, now's the time to effect that change.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Well, sorry to break it to you man but you're never going to amount to anything much in your mom's eyes until you can match her own standards. Sometimes that means you have to put in more effort in what you're already doing. Sometimes, you just have to let go and accept that she's like that (and there's nothing you can do to change it).

Oh and by the way, if you're still qualifying yourself to your mom, then you should reconsider your conclusion that you've already got it made. Tip: Be smart and don't do anything drastic. Take your time. Do the right thing. You don't want to mess up your life just because you feel like other people are already messing it up for you. You still have control over it.  

Answer 7

Go,

   You are a young, but you are a grown man now.  You are only trapped if you let yourself be trapped.  Moving out of the house is not some form of betrayal to your mother.  It's very normal. In fact, not moving out at some point is abnormal, but at your age, it's not a big deal.  You will have two problems to deal with.  The logistics, and the relationship with your mom.



  First thing,  I recommend you assess your financial situation.  Then,  figure out how much it will cost you to live on your own.   Remember - you are not trying to duplicate your current lifestyle.  That will come later.   Crappy furniture in a h**l-hole feels like a throne in a castle when it's your own and you just got out of a trapped and controlling situation.  I don't know if your mother is controlling, but you wouldn't feel 'trapped' if she was encouraging you to spread your wings.  

   Anyway - in most places, aside from NYC and LA, you could find a cheap apartment for 400 bucks.  If you don't believe me, you haven't lowered your standards enough.  Other costs:

Electricity:  figure 100 bucks if the place is small.

Water:  might be included.  If not, call it 40.

Car insurance:  Work hard, save up, and get a hard core beater american made pickup like an F-150.  You can get around in it, but you cna make money with it too.  You can get one that will run for a thousand. Insure for liability only.

Food: Eat cheap but eat enough.  Junk food and restaurants are inefficient for the volume you get.  Eat hamburger, milk, bananas, manwich, chicken salad, and so on.  You can eat on 250 a month and stay full if you are careful.

Gas: Try to live close to work and school.  Ride a 10 speed every chance you get.  10 miles on a road bike is nothing for a guy your age.  Right now, gas could make or break you.  Do the math before you get into trouble.  (mpg, average driving habits, down to dollars per month).  Figure on 200 a month for starters, but it might be more or less.

Cell phone: to heck with the land line.  Get a cheap plan and never go over your minutes or you will be screwed.  

Bottom line on finances is - you can get by on 800 a month.  I did it for 5 years in school on 500, but that was a long time ago.  You can do even better if you find a friend to split a place with.  It's more fun that way too.  Stock the place from garage sales.  

Now - the next question is, how do you get that much money?  Well, delivering pizza used to be about 10 bucks an hour.  It leaves your days free for school, and if you worked 100 hours a month, that's a grand.  That's less than half time.  You can also make 20 bucks per lawn on weekends.  You can mow a 20 dollar yard in 2 or 3 hours.  You can do 4 a day.  That's 80 bucks x 4 saturdays a month = 320 in cold cash.  

Next problem - tell your mom your plan.  Will she lose her mind? You know better than me.  If so, write her a note.  Tell her some warm fuzzy stuff, that you'll be there to help if it's true, you aren't moving away as much as growing up, and so on.  If she's still freaked out, she's mental, and you'll need to adjust yourself to that fact.   She might throw fits, scream, yell, cry, or call you names.  If she does, she's the one with a problem.  You are doing something normal.   She'll get used to the idea.  She might even try to move in.  It might take another 20 years but it's highly likely that she'll try eventually.

Next thing - you didn't say you are in school.  I hope you are.  If you aren't,  this is the time to do it.  Math and science pays well, but it isn't for every single person on the planet.  You can do very well in life with applied skills like welding,  setting up networks, chef school, electrician work, heating and air conditioning work, plumbing,  radiology,  and so on.

If you choose the 4 yr degree, pick one that will make you some money.  First things first.   I probably don't need to tell you, but for crying out loud, don't struggle for 4 years, go into debt and end up with a degree in philosophy or something equally arcane and useless to the rest of the world.  You can study useless stuff after you get a job that will get you on sound financial ground.  

Good luck.  Trust me when I say I've been there and done that and feel your pain, and believe me, you can do it.  It's not easy but it's not really that painful either.  The freedom and control you will have over your own life will fill you with an energy that makes you think you can move mountains every day when you get the f out and on your own.

-Kevin

ps. Remember - it's not up to her anymore.  Not even a tiny bit.  The only control she has is financial, and that's only if you let her.  Don't accept financial help from her or you'll live to regret it. It's also possible that, as she loses control, she will get increasingly desperate in her attempts to retain it.  She may make concessions that sound good, exaggerate the difficulties,  play up the "what if" scenarios,  play upon sympathies by acting sick or hurt, play upon your guilt, or any number of other manipulative tricks.   I don't know what kind of woman she is, but trust me when I say that they run the gamut from slight worriers to slightly insane.   Decide that failure is not an option, and deal with her one day at a time.

Answer 8

You should get a job and move out.

Live on your own.

help?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 9

what you should do is try to find someone or something that get your mom's attention...so that you can save up some money to get your own car and your own  place so that you can do your own thing or you can tell your mom that you are grown and that you feel like she is treating you like a child and your not