I fell SOOOO guilty for not breastfeeding?

Question

Hi, I had a baby boy three and a half weeks ago, I decided I would be breastfeeding him from the get go. Well things went okay for a few days but then my b*****s were getting engourged and I felt he wasnt eating enough and I was constantly worried about him, then to top it off my c section incision got infected and I had to go back to the hospital for two days. I did nothing but cry and sob for a week. It was just so hard for me, He was eating every hour and a half and he would eat for at least 30 minutes and then he would need a diaper change and then he would cry and by the time he fell asleep I would have to feed him again in a half hour...I know breastfeeding takes a ton of commitment and I know its very hard especially in the beginning but I just couldnt do it...I feel like a total failure and I felt like a horrible mom for feeding him formula. He has been on forumla now for a week and a half and he is doing wonderful on it but I still feel guilty about it...is it just "baby blues" or did anyone else feel like this? Everywhere I look, like on the internet or parenting magazines it is all about breastfeeding and I just feel like people will think bad of me for bottle feeding..are these normal feelings for me to have and did anyone else feel like this?

Answer 1

If you want to breastfeed but your baby won't take enough at a time, try "milking" yourself (not sure whether that's the right word) and putting the mother's milk in a bottle. That way you still give him what he needs (breastfeeding is said to be the best way to feed your child) while not having to breastfeed every one and a half hour. With the bottle you can also track how much he's eating more easily, which is a good thing if you worry about him not eating enough. How's that for a "compromise"?

However, formula is really good too these days and if you feel better giving him formula, there isn't really any reason not to. I had formula from the day I was born thanks to my grandmother (mum wanted to breastfeed but dad's mum wouldn't allow her) and I grew up just fine.There's really no reason to feel guilty.

Answer 2

it's probably not too late.  i would get in touch with an IBCLC and try to get baby back to the breast or at least start pumping.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby...

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relact...

http://www.breastfeeding.com/directory/l...

Answer 3

I totally intended to breast feed my son but when he arrived, it just didn't work out between us.  I was giving him mylicon after every feeding and was totally drained myself (anemic).  I told my grandmother just to give him one bottle (the trial kind the hospital sends you home with) and everything went GREAT.  I immediately switched him to Isomil and he had no more belly problems and I recovered a lot faster after that.  It just wasn't in the cards for us to do it, and I don't regret it.  My husband and family were able to help out and bond with him more and it was better on both of us physically.  I am 19 weeks pregnant now and intend to try to breast feed again (for a while anyway) but I'm not going to be upset if I can't... and you shouldn't either!  It's really OK!

Answer 4

You've obviously never worked in the health service, I don't know a single person who likes midwives, and why? Because they're bullies. Everywhere you go you see how amazing breast milk is, you can't possibly give your child anything else, they'll have behaviour problems, their hair won't grow, their legs will fall off bla bla bla.

I breast fed my son for the first couple of weeks but I couldn't carry on. It wasn't enough food for him and it was exhausting for me. I didn't have time to be a mother to him, to play with him, to hold him, to enjoy being with him. All I did was breast feed and sleep. I was in a complete daze for weeks, I barely remember it. We then tried him with formula milk and it was so much better. He got what he needed because I just wasn't producing enough.

There is no way on this earth I would ever breastfeed again.

My son is 4 now, and believe me as your little one grows up and you get far past the feeding stage, you won't care what you fed him with, he's here, he's healthy and he's so much fun to be with. What's the big deal? My son survived bottle milk and he's the brightest, most active child I've ever known. In fact I'm more exhausted now haha.

If you need help, speak to your doctor. But don't worry, the fact that you asked this question and you're upset shows what a great mum you are. That's all your little boy needs.

Good Luck

Answer 5

If it's bothering you that much contact a La Leche League near you and start over. It's not too late to get your baby breastfeeding. I had the same regrets and I plan on breastfeeding my son when he is born. My daughter wasn't breastfed because I was too paranoid about her going hungry! I think this time around I'll be a little more at ease with it. Just try and even if it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up. There's a lot more to being a good mom then how you feed your baby.  

Answer 6

I felt incredibly guilty when I made the decision to give my baby formula and I only managed 1 day before giving up breastfeeding. I was really ill after the birth and was finding it very hard to breastfeed so much so I was totally stressed by the whole thing. Once I made the decision to stop I felt so much better but the guilt I felt was horrendous and not only did I feel I had let my baby down but my husband too as he so wanted me to do it.

At first I felt quite paranoid admitting to people that i wasn't breastfeeding for fear of what they would think of me, but now, when I see my very happy, smiley and VERY healthy baby I am glad that i made the decision and I don't care what other people think. At the end of the day if you are not happy then you're baby won't be getting the best from you.

I know there are people who can help you restart the breastfeeding if you did decide that you wanted to try again but don't beat yourself up about it. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby.  

Answer 7

I breastfed my first for 18 months and could only breastfeed my second for 6 weeks so it's necessarily you but the circumstances surrounding you. My baby was labelled Cows Milk Protein intolerant and I was told I had to put her on formula. There was no option for breastmilk. I was made to believe that I had to stop breastfeeding and I cried for 3 weeks straight.

However having said that, you've come to the right place. Who said asking parenting questions on yahoo was silly. I asked this this same question 3 weeks ago and guess what ... I'm breastfeeding again after not breastfeeding for 3 weeks. I did not have one drop left when I bought my breastpump and I was petrified my baby would refuse my b*****s. I'm still formula feeding too (about 1/3 of the time) and now I have the best of both worlds.

How did I do it. I asked the question and  I looked at every link given to me (see Mystic's links and make her your contact and read everything she and others write about breastfeeding - Mystic always answers breastfeeding questions so you never have to search for them again)

1. Let your baby get used to your b*****s again starting RIGHT NOW. Let your boy just suck on them for as often as he will. Best after a feed or half way through a feed so he is not overly hungry.

2. Set your alarm for 2 hours - most mobiles allow you to do this. The most exhausting part was getting up at night every 2 hours. I was a zombie for 3 weeks but if you are committed you can do it!!! I promise!!!.

3. Pump every time you sit down or eat or whenever you drink, even pump everytime you go to the loo - it doesn't matter as you aren't going to give the baby the milk just yet, dont worry about sterilising the breastpump at the early stages (only sterlise it when you are ready to give the wonderful stuff to him), it doesn't have to be a routine, it just has to happen. If the b*****s are sore, take a panadol.

4. Buy an electric breastpump so you cana hold baby with the other hand and you don't get a sore hand (as you would with a manual pump) - if you find Amber on Yahoo Answers ask her for advice on breastpumping. She did it forever and still does it and still has a good supply.

5. Hire a hospital grade breastpump from your Priceline pharmacy or your local chemist for about $15 AUD. You may need an attachment too.

6. Hopefully you are in Australia or Canada because we have a drug which is 100% safe even with premature babies called domperidome which increases your prolactin levels. The US version can cause anxiety in the mother so research it. Our brand name is called Motillium. If you are in the states, apparently your pharmacy can make up domperidome for you.

Remember one last thing, they can make adoptive mums breastfeed (infact I even read they can make men breastfeed). I kept running that through my head and I worked for me.

Go for it. It's worth it and you will be so proud of yourself

I am available for support. Just email me.

Answer 8

Don't beat yourself up; for this! Breastfeeding is such a small portion  of raising a baby. Move on past it now, and be the best mom you can be. Your baby is just fine!

I went through the same kind of thing with my first. I had sepsis and preterm rupture of the membranes. I almost died and was on so many meds, they advised me not to breastfeed.

Once we finally got home, I tried again...but it was too late and emotionally I just couldn't take it. I really think I was a better mom for not doing it. It was stressing me out too much, trying to relactate, I am truly glad I opted out.

Fast forward to now..my daughter is 11, reads at a college level and is one of the smartest, healthiest  and most well adjusted kids I've ever seen. I think we are more bonded than most I know.

Answer 9

I had to stop breastfeeding at 2 months because I had a c-section and there was a delayed allergic reaction to the glue and I had to take steroids.  it completely dried me up.  I felt bad but that's just the way it goes.  If you can do it for a long time great, if not that's fine too.  My son is 11 months and a healthy happy boy.  

Answer 10

if you feel really awful and want to give it another try you can start nursing again, your supply will be back up in no time.  However, if you are miserable nursing then it is not the right choice.  Please do remember that the first few weeks are the hardest and once your supply is established the engorgement goes away.  If you are feeling really guilty, give it another shot.  You could also start pumping and give him expressed milk if you would rather give a bottle but please keep in mind that pumping is also time consuming.

Answer 11

I felt the same way when I got an infection in both b*****s. I think it is just natural that you want the best for your baby and if you are prevented from doing this then I think you feel horrible. I think you might also have the baby blues. I would talk to your doctor about what you can do. I would get some medication or something before things get worse. Good luck and try and get some help.

Answer 12

yes i felt this way when i quit breastfeeding when my son was 5 weeks old and switched to formula, i thought the guilty feelings would go away and they didn't.

to this day i still feel guilty about it and my son is 7.5 months old, i can't pretend i don't regret and that i am totally happy with giving him formula.  it's just not true.

don't end up like me regretting it all this time, go back to nursing if you can.

Answer 13

don't beat yourself up over it and get depressed. your baby needs you in good spirits. they may be small but they feel tension and know when you're upset. women shouldn't feel guilty about formula feeding- they should only feel bad if they aren't feeding their babies at all.  

Answer 14

When I stopped breastfeeding at 15 weeks I felt horrible too.  It just wasn't for me.  I wasn't even really breastfeeding, I would pump every hour, since I have inverted nipples, it was really difficult and I was so relieved when I quit.  My mom who is a huge breastfeeding supporter had a conniption fit and to the day (my son is 5 months) has something negative to say about formula.  Which would make me feel even worse.  

I think the first answered nailed it on the head.  

It took me a long time to get over the fact that I am not breastfeeding, there is something about looking at your son eating off of you that is just so precious.  But I am a happier mother now and probably a lot more stable as well.  I know that my son is happy, loved, and feels secure and that is what makes me the happiest of all ;)

Right now breastfeeding is completely "popular" about 20+ years ago, it was looked down upon.  Just like how everyone said to keep your baby on their stomach, now it's the back.  Babies and fad go together like peanut butter and jelly.  I believe in doing what YOU think is right for you and your child.  Momma knows best, even if it is her first kid and she never dealt with babies before, mom always knows what is best for HER baby, because every baby is different.

Good luck lil' lady, and cheer up, by you bottle feeding your son tells me that you are a good mom who just wants the best for her baby.  Your son has a wonderful momma, you should be proud of yourself!

xoxo

Answer 15

You poor thing. I can understand how you feel. I breastfed my son for 6 months and he was actually the one who decided to quit, but I still feel guilty for not pumping for the remaining year. You have had a particularly rough start with your C-section, along with a very hungry baby. You can always start back up with breastfeeding if you want to. The baby is still young and your b*****s can still produce. Just try nursing him for about 10-20 minutes then give him formula. Eventually your b*****s will start making milk. Just a hint though to help with filling him up longer,... completely nurse him on one breast. Don't switch in the middle of a feeding and don't just go 30 minutes. At the end of the feeding (which can take up to an hour sometimes) there is a really thick and creamy milk that helps fill them up longer. That way they can go about 2 hours without needing to feed instead of only 1. When he needs the diaper change, change it and then start feeding him on that same breast again. Yeah, it might make you look lop-sided, but so what? It's what's best for him.

Of course, if that doesn't work, don't feel bad. Your baby had the best milk you could provide for him, the colostrum. He got that when he was first born, and that's the important thing. Formula isn't that bad, and calling yourself a failure isn't fair. I'm sure baby blues has alot to do with why you feel that way. Trust me, I was breastfeeding, had a healthy birth and baby, and knew pretty much how to care for a newborn, and I still felt worthless. Sometimes you just need to cry, so when your baby is asleep, but him down and go in the other room with a box of tissues. Talk to your significant other and let them know how you feel. Even if they can't do anything it'll make you feel better to talk.

Just remember: You are the best Mommy you can be and that's all anyone could ever ask for. Chin up. Things only get better from here.

Answer 16

Stop being yourself up over this. You did the best you could considering the challenges of your c sec. That would be very hard! It probably doesn't help that your emotions are amped up.

You are being a very good mom. If you didn't care so much, it wouldn't bother you.

I'm sure your little one is going to do great whether he gets his milk from you or not.

I was not breastfed and I am one of the healthiest people I know. I still feel close to my mother and I do not feel one way or the other about my mother's decision not to breast feed me.

Like the other moms said, why not give it a go and try to relactate. It can't hurt. Just give yourself a break.  We, as moms will have other things to make us feel guilty. ;)

Answer 17

I think it's very normal and how much you wanted and tried to breast feed and failed will determine how guilty you feel.  I say that b/c with my first, I wanted to 'try' to breast feed.  I did, it didn't work out and I felt a little guilty but not much (at that time).  With my 2nd, I vowed to do it.  I swore I wouldn't be another statistic to stop before a year or even 6 months, I was VERY determined.  LONG story but I ended up having to pump (nipple confusion) and got tired of it.  At 4 months of age I stopped and went through a bad, bad case of guilt.  He also got sick for the 1st time ever.  After 2 weeks of stopping, I started the re-lactation process.  I'm not saying you *should* do this, it's entirely up to you.  If you decide to stick w/ formula, that's fine too, it doesn't make you any less of a good mother.  You are NOT a horrible mother for feeding him formula!!  You have to do what is best for you and your baby.  Just remember that no matter how long you breast feed, your hormones are going to act crazy when you do stop.  Do some soul searching and try to find peace with whatever decision you make.  Good luck!!

Answer 18

you feel this way because your a good mom,,and these feelings are normal !

Breast feeding is the best, but only if it works for you,,,,,,

sometimes things happen and we cant breast feed - things just dont work right  or in our favor

Your not a bad mom,,you just feel realy guilty,and thats normal,esoecially when its something you wanted soo bad

take a deep breath and enjoy your baby

Answer 19

You feel like this cause you are a good mommy to him and just want the best for him...I am a commited to breastfeeding and this time around it is going great...but with my 1st baby it wasn't so great and I ended up switching her to formula after about 4 weeks...and she turned out fine...if you really wanted to try breastfeeding again..put him to your breast and see what happens...You probaly haven't completely dried up yet..so if you feel that bad I would just try and relactate...

Answer 20

"I would like to resume breastfeeding after an interruption. How do I relactate?"

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/relactation.html

Answer 21

WHAT IS THAT YOU WANT???

Don't give into society and other people. Follow your heart.

Keep up the formula and the love for your baby

If not give Mrs Mum's advice a try. What have you got to lose apart from a few hours sleep and maybe a social life for a few weeks.

Answer 22

At least you made a sincere effort so you shouldn't feel guilty and the baby got the colostrum from the first milk which is very beneficial for his immune system. I'm sure some of what you're feeling is post-partum depression. I think a lot of Mom's do their best and still worry whether it's good enough, that's love.

Answer 23

At least you tried! That's better than nothing!

And if you really, really want to, you can still breastfeed. It can be done!

Talk to someone from LLL, or an IBCLC.

http://breastfeedingmoms.yuku.com/forum/...

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/index.h...

You are NOT a bad mom! You did what you had to do to keep you and your baby safe and healthy.

Answer 24

Hey with my first born I SWORE I was breastfeeding him and I WAS going to do it for at least 6 months.  Well needless to say it didn't happen that way, I barely got six days.  I had a pump rented from the hospital until I could get one for myself.  The day I took it back I cried all the way there.  For me my problem was my son was givin a bottle in the nursery after I told them I was breastfeeding.  I believe our problem was he had a taste of how easy the bottle was and would not latch on very good.  He would fall aslep as soon as I moved to put him in bed he woke up stil hungry.  With my daughter I got as far as three weeks.  My husband was not very supportive of breastfeeding, but he was helpful, if I was asleep he knew he could wake me so I could feed her, but he chose to feed her a bottle and let me sleep.  I eventually gave in to the  ease of bottle feeding.  But I don't feel guilty one bit. Both my children are healthy and happy.  Would I have prfered breastfeeding? YES, but it doesn't happen for all of us.  I for one will not judge you on your decision and neither should any one else for all they know you did not have enough supply come in to feed. It's your decision on how to feed your baby.  Good luck  

Answer 25

honey, you are feeding your child and that is what is important. There is no need to feel guilty. You gave it your best and it didn't work out. you are a good mommy!!

Answer 26

So go back to breastfeeding?  Its not like you missed your "one chance".  You can rebuild your supply and get your baby back to breastfeeding.

Relactation and Adoptive Breastfeeding: The Basics

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relact...

"My Baby Just Doesn't Get It"

There are lots of reasons why a baby can't seem to get the hang of latching on and nursing well at first. While your baby learns how, you need to: 1) keep him fed, 2) keep your milk supply going, 3) keep in touch with breastfeeding specialists... and 4) keep the faith! Your baby will learn how. These babies did.

http://www.normalfed.com/Help/babyget.ht...

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob...

eaning (e.g., incessant crying or refusal to eat). Personalities of the mother and child were important determinants of feeding decisions. These results demonstrate that maternal and child factors jointly influence child-feeding decisions and that these decisions are easily reversed. As relactation is culturally acceptable, health practitioners should consider recommending relactation when children have been prematurely weaned and human milk would improve their nutritional and health status.

Answer 27

YES! The feelings you experience are totally normal. My baby is 9 days old and I am breastfeeding her but in the beginning when I couldn't get her to latch on properly, she would stick to my nipple for 2 hours and I would sit there in pain. I was ready to give up when the lactation nurse helped me out. Still, the first few days I brought her home... I cried in the night because she would want to eat every hour and a half. Just like your baby, eat.. diaper change.. oh.. time to feed again. I would just cry from the lack of sleep. Also, she would feed for 5-10 minutes, fall asleep, and then 20 minutes later let me know she hadn't been done eating so I would feed her..... she still does this so soemtimes I feed her off and on for about 3 hours because she doesn't get her fill.

It is very frustrating. I have been ready to quit a couple of times. It is frustrating cause you are the only one able to feed her. What I did was get a breast pump and pump milk and when ever I feel ouyt of it, I ask her dad to feed her. They say not to do this but it is soooo hard sometimes you just need a break.

Don't feel guilty, if you're gonna be miserable breastfeeding your son, then its not worth it. You will just start getting frustrated with him and having negative feelings toward him and what you need to do now a days is enjoy him.  

Answer 28

Breast Feeding is best ONLY if it is best for YOU!

If you don't want to do it, don't do it! and don't feel miserable and beat yourself up for not doing it!

A happy formula feeding Mother is going to be a better Parent to their child than an unhappy breast feeding Mother who is miserable doing it.

You brought a HUMAN BEING into this world! That is a lot of hard work! You are raising a baby .. don't think you're a failure because you don't breast feed.

You love that baby and take care of that baby .. and the fact that you're even feeling guilty for not breast feeding shows you're a wonderful Mother .. don't ever let anyone, anyone! convince you otherwise ..

Answer 29

I think it's normal to have guilt for not breastfeeding. I almost gave up also. I didn't expect breastfeeding to be nearly as challenging as it was. Now at 14 months old I'm still breastfeeding and it has just gotten easier and easier. Good news you an relactate. Put him on the breast often. Talk to a lactation consultant or contact the la leche league. I hope you get to feeling better.