I find it rude for anyone who has a party or wedding to request certain gifts How did this get to be this way?

Question

To me a gift should be just that what the person chooses for you. If the only reason you are doing any thing is for the gifts then do not have the wedding or party. Save that money and buy yourself what you want with the cash you saved from not doing the wedding or party.

Answer 1

As a frequent wedding guest and gift giver, I would much rather know what the couple needs or would like as a gift.  I would hate to give the same gift that everyone else has given.  I really hope your friends and family know your feelings on this so they can save you the burden of having to buy them a gift.  So, I'm guessing as a child, you never wrote a Christmas list to Santa, huh?  

Answer 2

I'd rather buy something someone wants off a registry than get them something they'll hate anyways. Obviously you don't understand how expensive weddings are, and that people throw them to celebrate, not get gifts. You should be happy for the couple, not bitter.

Answer 3

My fh and i are getting married in about a month. We chose not to register at first then after a few months of being asked almost on a daily basis where are we registered what do we want . We went out and resisted when family and friends found out that we did i was told that it saved then a lot of time and stress to register so they could just go and pick something we picked out.

A quilt like your sounds like a great gift but it is not in every ones taste.

ABout the not having a wedding that is the choice of the couple your choose is to not go and or not give a gift. And by the way it is on unique if you give it to every one.

Answer 4

Its just become a matter of conveinence for people, like when someone asks you what you want and you tell them. Lots of people feel guilty returning gifts they know were hand-picked for them and some people just hate trying to figure out what someone would like. And if you're starting a new life with someone, its easier to request matching sets, new appliances, etc... from people than to take your chances with a grab bag of gifts. The wedding is a celebration of the union of two people in love, its not about the gifts. Its about being with the family and friends you treasure most and have seen the relationship blossom into love and marriage. Gifts are just a way to show appreciation for being invited to the start of the marriage. I like the idea of a registry- no disappointment, no aggravation and no surprises.

Answer 5

If you give the guest an idea of what you want, don't have, or would like it would take the mystery out of it. In the old days everyone gave coffee pots and toasters. Believe me, I still have a few in the boxes. Money is always good. I think the couple is trying to be helpful. Chow

Answer 6

People normally give a list so that you have the pleasure of picking a gift off of it. Its also a good thing because you would not want your gift to be returned if they don't like it. Also you can just give cash: The best give ever!

Answer 7

Miss Manners tells us that it is rude to even EXPECT a gift -- ANY gift -- much less tell people what sort of gift you expect or want. (Remember, manners is about your public actions, not your private feelings. It's natural to expect gifts since they are so usually given. The rude part is in revealing your inner greedy child. And like all private feelings, of course it's OK to share your hopes, however greedy, with a few trusted people who are very close to you.)

Let me close by adding that a bride who is both mannerly AND smart will arrange opportunities for guests to ASK what sort of gift would be apprecieate. If people ASK what you want, then go right ahead and tell them. Just be sure you are general enough that it is up to the guest whether to spend a little or a lot." For instance "We love cooking with exotic spices from Asia and India" is OK but "Get us the 'From Bangkok with Love' spice set from Bloomingdale's" is not.

Answer 8

Hi - put it this way: As the giver, you are going to give a gift, and ideally you would like the recipient to APPRECIATE it. what would you prefer as the RECIPIENT, to get a load of things that you don't want, or get a load of things that you will use, and will not feel guilty that you have given it to a charity shop or sold it on eBay when people say 'do you like my present?'. The alternative to this is when people buy gift vouchers or even money - often people feel awkward doing this because they are disclosing an exact amount, which can directly be compared as stingy in response to other people's gifts.

Hope this makes sense

Answer 9

I suppose it came about, as with a lot of things, from a sense of entitlement.

Nice to know I have an ally about this on here, so nice to hear your comments!

We, of course, didn't register for our wedding. We hosted our guests to our wedding  - for them to witness our vows and celebrate with us - honest-to-gosh, not for gifts.

Of course, we got many lovely gifts - the choices of our guests. And, you know what, we got a few duplicates, but wow - it wasn't a big deal, we put them in storage, and two years later when our coffee maker broke, it was pretty cool to go down and pull out a new one from a box!

It's lovely to get gifts, yes, but where's the surprise factor, the specialness of it all - when you ask for something specific? That's what I think lots of these brides-to-be are missing....

Answer 10

As everyone else has said, they only have a list of stuff they would like to get to be helpful. As a gift buyer, you never have to get something from this list. If you can find something the couple will like that isn't on the list, then go for it. I've never seen anyone say you HAVE to get them a certain gift. It is merely a list of suggestions, based on the fact that most people will end up asking them what they want anyway.