I fixed my poem...Feedback please?

Question

He looked my way,

With pitch black eyes,

He grabbed my nephews hair,

Then said in an almost playful tone;

Remember when we were kids?

We used to play dare,

Are you still chicken?

Can you do what i do?

I knew what was coming,

but couldn't utter a sound,

he grabbed my nephews neck,

and gave it two quick jerks.

I knew it was wrong,

It went against all I believed,

But revenge had consumed me,

I wanted him to feel pain.

Dare accepted, I say,

I pull back his sons shirt,

the neck was too impersonal,

I drive the knife through his heart.

I've abandoned my morals,

sunk down to his level,

Who I was is no more,

A monster is born.

-Kara-

Answer 1

Still a bit dark for poetry, if you want to incorporate a killing through poetry I would do it in a more subtle way

Answer 2

its fine, i just not sure wat its about. (?_?) is it about daring for murder or wat?

Answer 3

kindaa creppy..how bout minee?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

I think you need to make it more obvious about what your talking about. It's a tad bit confusing. It's also curt and dry. Add some metaphors and symbolism and stuff in there. It's a good start. Besides every poet has to constantly re-edit there work.