I found out just how easy it is to find my birth parents and now I'm freaked out?

Question

OK, so I have always had it in the back of my mind that one day I would like to find my birth parents. The other day on the internet I found out that I live in a state where all I have to do is send a paper into the state and I can get a copy of my original birth certificate! I don't know why, but now I'm really freaked out by it. Do I really want to know their names? Now that I know the names are only an envelope and a stamp away, it seems really scary. I guess I always thought it would take me years of research to find them. Anyone else feel like this?

Answer 1

I was adopted, and I have no desire to look for my birth parents. Although, I am sure it's nervracking. You should do it if that's what you want to do!

Answer 2

I was adopted at age 7 weeks--was given only the most basic, non-identifying information about bparents (height, weight, eye color, etc.).  I searched when I was 42 years old.  I found them, and frankly I do not like what I found.  All the same, I would do it again.  I do not regret searching.  I have always known that my adoption was a success.  Now I know what a tremendous, fantastic, one-in-a-million success story it was!  I wouldn't give that knowledge up for the world!

Answer 3

OOh I'm green with envy!  You can get your birth certificate?  Yay!  go ahead and get it - it's YOURS.   You don't have to do anything with that information if you don't want to or if you're not ready yet

Take your time to prepare and if you decide to make contact or not at least you have your own information; you're own truth and your roots

I'm so excited for you and wish you all the luck in the world, whatever you decide

Answer 4

I gave a baby boy up for adoption 34 years ago.  It was in a "closed state" - and it's hard - but not impossible to find your birth parents when that's the case.

I have postings out on adoption.com and a few other pages.

My thought is that it's out there if he chooses to find me.  It wouldn't be right to just barge into his life and say "I'm your birth mother!  I gave you up a long time ago - and now I want to meet you."  He's the innocent here.  He gets to choose whether or not I'm in his life.

Although - that is my main reason for not contactomg him - there is also - behind all of that - a fear that he would reject me.

Good luck to you - whatever route you take!

Answer 5

My only suggestion is to not have any expectations for them because there is a good chance that you will be disappointed. I would not wait to long because you may miss the opportunity all together if something happens to one of them you may regret waiting. I would contact them and be careful that your not hoping to find these wonderful people who have spent their life regretting their decision, who will fill that hole in your life...they may not. There is that chance that you may find your mom and dad but you may also find two people who created you but that you cannot connect with.. All I am saying it that be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter what state you live in, it matters what state you were born in. Only 5 states allow adoptees uncondtional access to their birth certificates. I was born in Delaware where they give the mother time to veto before they release the birth certificate - if they can find her. I received mine 30 days after applying for it. But just because I received it didn't mean I didn't have to search. Since the time she gave birth to me she had married and her last name changed. There was still a search involved.

But I cried cried cried like a baby seeing that OBC. Seeing her name in print, knowing after 35 years what my mothers name was and what she named me. Finally knowing what time I was born, how much I weighed - all of it was overwhelming.

Go ahead and get your birth certificate - it doesn't mean you have to search. And feel free to contact me if you want to talk more about it.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

You can always send for their information and then wait until you feel ready to meet them before trying to make contact with them.  Good luck!

Answer 8

I was adopted and when I was 13 me and my parents deciced it was a time to start looking. When I was 16 I got a call from my dad (parents divorced, living with mom) and he told me that my birth mom had called just out of the blue! So i never did find her on my own, but I think she knew I was looking for her because she called. About 2 weeks later I was on a plane from Washington to Arizona to meet her. It was an amazing expierance and one that I will never forget. We still talk about it today. I am now 24 and I'm going to visit my birth family next month! I go to see them every couple monthes and even though I was scared I do not regret. We are very lucky family. Good luck to you and I hope you find what your looking for.

Answer 9

I bet you're freaked out because you don't know how they will recieve you. I would be. But if you don't try to make contact you will always wonder. I think you should try but be prepared for whatever may come.

I have a friend who looked up her birth parents. Mom was married with 3 other kids. She is SO happy to have her daughter back. Dad never married, never had children so he was thrilled at the thought of having a daughter. He flies her out to the West Coast to be with him a couple of times a year.

She's 23 now btw and has a 3 year old herself. She found her BP's when she was about 19.

Good Luck. I hope your story is as heartwarming as hers.

Answer 10

It's completely normal.  I have been an adoption search angel for a couple of years and very frequently people are shocked at how quickly the person they are searching for is found.   I am also a reunited adoptee.  I also felt this way that after looking for so long, I gave my info to a friend and they found in less than 3 hours.  I guess I was scared to find the truth on my own???

There is no real way to prepare for all of the emotions that go along with adoption.  Take a step back and get you emotions under control then send off for the records.

You didn't indicate which state you are in or your age but I do recommend moving forward with receiving the information.  I will tell you that just having names does not always guarantee an easy find.  The birth father may or may not be listed.  Basically there are a lot of factors to consider.  You will unlikely be knocking on anyones door next month.

This is information that you should try to obtain if simply for medical history.  There are many groups on the internet to support you through the entire process.

Good luck.

Answer 11

it all depends on what you want to do. if i were you then i would find out all i can about them and then possibly meet them i think it would be cool just to see if you look like them and to see what life would've been like if you lived with them as a child

***just becasue they didn't want you (or maybe they did they just couldn't afford you) doesn't mean that they don't want you now.

Answer 12

i found my sister when I was 16 (she was 12). My heart started racing as I dialed the phone. I got her mom and we talked for hours. She told me all about her. I told her that when she was ready I'd love to see her. I had lived across the country form her and had just moved when I found out that she lived only 15 min. away.

We finally met 10 years later (3 months ago) and it was bitter sweet.  We had a great connection, but I found out that hre mother never told her about me calling for 10 years.  When her mom found out that we met she was P****D and forbid her to talk to me.

Makes me kinda sad.

I dont' know how you have imagines them, but it may be that you get along great or it may be a disaster like it was with my sister.

Answer 13

oh man, this is one of the reasons I am SO glad I accidentally met my mother instead of searching. I would've been a nervous wreck too! My reunion with my mother didn't turn out too well, but I am still SO SO SO SO glad I met her. We don't hate each other or anything, its just not wonderful. I wouldn't change it though. Just take a deep breath, go mail it off, and find some adoptees to freak out with as you wait :)

http://www.adultadoptees.org is a good place.