I found out online that my husband of almost a year has a big dark secret?

Question

I found out online that my husband is bi-sexual also I read his e-mails and some were from blokes and was very explicit and too rude to post here, I don't know and I cant prove that he has done anything with another bloke but all I know is that we have a little boy and I don't want to make any certain choices that will affect him in a bad way for the rest of his life, I haven't confronted him and daren't as in the past I have confronted him with minor things ie flirting online and he has gone berserk, gone defensive and given me silent treatment for hours and it just causes tension which I know isn't good for our baby.

The only person I mainly concerned for is our son as he is top priority and no1 in my life.

any help anyone and if anyone needs more answers just ask but all I ask is please no silly or sarcastic comments it's not what I need right now.

Answer 1

you should look him in the eyes and ask him if there is something we need to talk about. and if he says no. Then tell him about what you found and didn't know what to make of it. If he gets defensive he is a child. He should no you care about him bi or not.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear it hun, be strong for you and your child. I think its time you have a talk with him, and see where it goes from there. No one deserves to be deceived, do what is best for you and your child. Try to stay calm, and collect your thoughts before you let him have it!  

Answer 3

You have to talk to your husband. Maybe print off one the the emails and ask him what this is all about. Make sure your son isn't home so he doesn't get in the middle and doesn't hear you fight. But you NEED to do this ASAP!!! For sake of yourself and your son! Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

There's no such thing as a bisexual man.  There are g*y men, straight men, and g*y men pretending to be straight (sometimes mistaken for bisexuals because while pretending to be straight, they have s*x with women).

This is tough.  If I were you, I'd print out the emails, highlight the parts that are troubling, put them in front of him and say, "I'd like and explanation for this, please."

Answer 5

Send an email to the "blokes" saying that you do not want anything to do with them any more and to leave you alone.  They will think it is from him and the confusion will be a joy to behold.  Then delete the email you sent from the 'sent' folder.

Wait calmly for the results.

Answer 6

why are you asking complete strangers on here?  Talk to your husband!  Ask him what is going on, and whether he has done anything with these men.  If it means that he will know you've looked at his e-mails, too bad.........you have a right to know.  He's been a b*****d to not have told you he was bisexual BEFORE the wedding.

Answer 7

you need to talk to him and clear this up...otherwise your emotions and anger will be bottled up and something bad might happen just confront him in a calm way. this will be better if you want your baby to be happy-no one has to be fighting

Answer 8

Well it is worse if there is a problem in the marriage and nothing is done about it...that could have a very negative affect on a child

and print out what you found and if you dont want to tell him you are mad that he is bisexual tell him you are mad that he didnt tell you the truth

good luck!

Answer 9

You need to get yourself checked ASAP for HIV.  If you are positive, get your child checked as well.

This must be a terrible shock for you -- and once you recover perhaps you will able to think and act more clearly.  Be sure to contact a shelter where you can go in case he gets violent.  Be careful.  Keep a cool head.

Answer 10

u should tell him u knw his secret & ask how long its been going on. then tell him that yall have a son do he want his son growning up thinking that is cool. u might love him but u need 2 leave his *** cause u don't knw what else is he hiden from u.  

Answer 11

I wish I could help, really. but I'm just a kid! Maybe you should talk to him!

I'll give you a star because this is a really bad situation. If there are no better answers then may I have best answer please?

I'm so sorry.

Bye! (^;^)

Answer 12

I think you will still need to confront him with this matter one day, because this kinda of secret is simply too much to bare for you. If I were you I think I would talk to him in the most gentle way and to express my concerns about his behavior might affect the marriage and baby. Be careful though, this is very sensitive and he is prone to go off. Best wishes to you!

Answer 13

firstly this guy has to start being a man and stop acting like a selfish idiot! you need to talk to him about this you CAN NOT leave it. you should get this sorted asap and if he goes in huff **** him you have to think about your son and also how are you supposed to feel secure in your marriage with this hanging over you? don't take any **** for him you are more than entitled to find out whats going on. hope that helps  

Answer 14

Darlin' if you don't talk to him... silent treatment or not... you'll never get anything resolved. That's his way of avoiding tense situations... and you're falling for it. Poor communication is the #1 cause of divorce. If you have any hope of resolving this issue, you have to talk to him about it!!!

Answer 15

he goes berserk because he is hiding something....no shpeel but you have got to dump him..also a brit and know where your coming from you made the wrong choice leave and move on...this is not a real situation.did you want to marry a bi sexual?..

Answer 16

Well confront him and just tell him what you found out. Don't wait for him to fall in love with a male guy. After all even if you guys get divorces, if he loves his kid enough, he'll still be in his life.

Don't live in a fake marriage just because you want to "protect" your kid.

Answer 17

I think it's obvious that he goes "berserk" when being confronted because he's doing something he KNOWS is not right.  I honestly don't think you have a choice with this though.  You need to confront him (preferably when the baby is with a family member) and get everything out in the open.  The two of you need to make some BIG decisions.  Letting him lead a secret life behind your back will not be doing you OR your son any favors.  Best of luck to you!

Answer 18

talk to him.,.

sort thing out.,

but remember to be calm

Answer 19

yes it is a very awkward position. Just leave the messages up on the screen on day and then he'll have no choice but to explain. Then if it is only emails, and you know him well enough to know if he's lying, he'll explain everything to you without having to approach him

goodbye and godbless

Answer 20

OMG!!!!This is horrible but you should also be concerned for your self with all the stds out there.Your baby can sense stress  in the house there is  nothing you can do to change his sexuality and you certainly do not want to live that way it will come out,it would be better for your son if it came  out sooner rather than later.Good luck!SO sorry for you.

Answer 21

It would do more damage to your son to stay with a man leading a double life then it would for you to confront your husband. Talk to him and try to work it out or leave.  

Answer 22

If I were you I would try to make him tell me himself. I would tell him I was bi-curious and see if he opened up that way. Im sure my way isn't best but thats what I would do. He seems very insecure since he gets very defensive when you confront him about secrets. Get yourself checked out for STD's because if he is being intimate with another man, you may catch something.

Answer 23

you should be concerned about yourself as well. You need to have an honest discussion with your husband.

Ask yourself do I want my child raised in a marriage like this?

Am I willing to share my husband with other people?

I personally would want to end it

Answer 24

Usually when a person reacts the way your husband does is because they are guilty. They over react to make it look like YOU are the one making it bad, etc etc. I believe that confronting him about this is seriously needed, if he acts the way he did, then give him an ultimatum you and your son or the internet weirdos. That sucks, but don't drag your kid into it more than necessary. Leave if you have to!

Answer 25

try talking about it with him first, and if he over reacts you should remove yourself from the equation. he's probably been with other men and/or women. and you might catch something and this isn't fair for you or your son. imagine what else he's keeping from you!

Answer 26

oh,my god, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I'm not very experienced with relationships, but you need to work this out with your husband. if you think somethings going on behind your back, ask him about it! if he loves you,  he will be willing to work everything out. he shouldn't be giving you the cold-shoulder... maybe go to a counselor/therapist for couples?  

Answer 27

You have to talk to him about this. if he flies off the handle than maybe it is time to separate. trust me your little boy will be better off in a home that is happy rather than one that had tension in it.  

Answer 28

Obviously it wasn't a good idea to have a baby within a year of marriage nor was it a good idea to actually marry someone you don't truly know.

My suggestion is to confront him. No matter how pissy he's going to be about it, it needs to be brought out because a relationship can't continue to work with secrets and lies going around.

He's going to be angry no matter what, but you SHOULD NOT put up with that.  

Answer 29

What is so wrong about him being bi-sexual?  It's not like it is something he can help and why are you so concerned for your son?  So what if his father is bi...its human nature to be curious and I think you are blowing things WAY out of proportion.  Why were you going through his email anyways?

Answer 30

sit him down.  Explain that you love him and if his heart isn't in this marriage because of his sexual preference then you want a divorce before he comes out 20-15 years down the road. Whether it be a man or woman he is cheating on you with think about STDs and HIV. Maybe you should get checked out now before you confront him. Goodluck!

Answer 31

hire an investigator. find out the truth and that will make your next move easier. sometimes whats best for a child is whats best for the parent. find happiness.