I found out something very disturbing yesterday about my 7 year old sons teacher. I need advice on what to do

Question

I had a few problems with his teacher this year. I was so happy when summer finally came. Yesterday this little boy from my sons class came over for the first time. I thought I would use the chance to see if possibly my son wasn't the only one that disliked his teacher with such a passion. Well, he hated her also. They were sitting in the back of my car and I took them for an ice cream. The little boy told my son "Remember when Ms. "Smith" made you cry because you couldn't open your candy?" my son said "yes" and I asked the other boy to tell me what happened. He said my son couldn't open his candy and the teacher told him "You better open that candy or I'm going to make you change your color!" and he said it so mean. Then he told me my little boy started to cry and she told him "And you better not tell your Mom that you cried today because if you do I will make you change your color tomorrow!" What concernes me is that my son never did tell me.

Answer 1

CHANGE YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL NOW!

Let me tell you right now, the school will probably not care about what the teacher did nor will they do anything about that...It is best for your son to start over in a brand new school where the district actually cares. Make sure your son graduates from a good school district.

Answer 2

Write a letter to the district superintendent stating EVERYTHING this teacher has done and said, what the other kids and parents said, what the principal said, etc.

State that you have informed the teacher and principal about this with no results.

State that if he gives no results you will be sending another letter to the school board and attend a public school board meeting.

Answer 3

may you should change the color of her hind quarters.

push until you get results. get mad about it . this is your son she is affecting

Answer 4

My seven year old son had a teacher that was a little "off" also. I also heard some stories from friends whose boys are nine and that their teachers pointed them out in class because of a mistake and said to the class "does this look like a boy that is ready for fifth grade"? and of course the whole class collectively answered no. My heart broke when I heard that one. My son's teacher was just "never wrong" and it was her way or the highway. I was so happy for the summer to be here also. I would try not to mention it anymore seeing that school is now out and let him have some time to relax and eventually over the course of the summer you can just casually ask some questions. There is nothing you can really do about it now (even though it breaks your heart) just don't have any contact with the teacher and try to get your son to move on from it. Good luck! We're all in the same boat.

Also, things were different when we went to school. Now with teachers unions and all it is all but impossible to get one fired. You can bring it up to the principal and document what you were told but it will always be the child's word against the teachers and unfortunately, today, the principal tends to take his staff's side and pacify the parent. Summer's here....relax and let it go.

Also, you can't change your child's school like some people suggested each time a bad apple pops up. Otherwise we'd be sending out kids to a new school every year and it probably didn't bother your son as much as it is bothering you. I know he was upset (mine would've been to and my blood pressure would be boiling right now) but in a day or so they tend to forget. Changing schools is not the answer. Dealing with a problem when it happens or when school is in session is the best solution. Again, Good Luck!

Answer 5

Wow....there's a ***** if you ever saw one. It's stupid to threaten a little kid if he can't open his candy. I would go straight to the principal. When I was his age, I had a substitute teacher that would grab kids by the backs of their shirts next to their necks, and drag them places. My father found out, told the principal, and got her sorry *** fired.

Answer 6

If the principle isnt helping you go to the School Board and file a complaint. Keep a journal on when you called people, who you spoke with, times, ect... If you send a letter, make sure it is certified.

Teachers are supposed to be held to a higher standard, we trust our children with them and when they break that trust it is disgraceful to our countries education system. Even though the school year is over you are doing the right thing by pursuing this matter so other children in the future wont have to deal with this obvious tyrant. I congratulate you and wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Personally i would go to the school and ask to speak to the Principal. Most schools have office staff that works throughout the summer and you should be able to have a meeting sometime this summer. You should really speak up about this. Maybe the Principal has received other complaints. Explain the problems you had throughout the school year with this teacher. Don't add any stories you might have heard form other mothers. The Principal might take that as gossip and ignore it. If you know some of the other mothers and they too have complaints encourage them to go in and speak to the Principal also. Teachers have contracts. If enough complaints are made and the Principal feels there is a problem with a teacher her/his contract might not be renewed.

Answer 8

It isn't right for the teacher to do this, if it happened as your son and his friend explain. However (there's always a "however," isn't there?), I'm concerned that you allowed such abuse to go unchallenged during the school year. Did you not take time to visit his class during the year, especially if he confided in you about similar abuses earlier? Did you talk with other parents about your child's negative feelings toward his teacher and ask for there opinions re her classroom management, her teaching style, etc? Did you not confront the teacher at any time about something that may have occurred during the year?

If my child had demonstrated negative feelings about a teacher or something that she may have done, I would have discussed it with the teacher via phone or in person (Ms. Smith, Tommy came home upset last night. He said you told him...Can you tell me your side of the story?) This is not only prudent, it's fair. I'm left wondering, did you conference with this teacher at all? Are you intimidated by her, too? Did you not talk with the principal at any time during the year and broach the subject of your child's feelings toward his teacher?

I can understand your frustration and anxiety about the episode you relate, but I'm perplexed why you didn't do more sooner. Has your child been assigned to this teacher for the coming school year...does she advance with her students and then loop back the following year? If so, request a transfer to another class. Still, I think you should talk to the teacher and/or the principal, if for no other reason than professional courtesy demands it...and it'll give you the chance to vent a little. I hope you will not continue to talk about this teacher behind her back and further undermine her ability to teach, especially because you don't possess all the facts. Again, given boys' story, I don't endorse her conduct, but I think you could have and should have done more sooner given your own misgivings about this instructor.

Answer 9

I would take take immidiatly to the principle and have his class changed with "I never want this teacher to ever talk to my child ever again".

Answer 10

Check with other parents and tell them what you know. Take immediate action with the principal. School is for learning, not bullying.

Answer 11

Oh wow!! I would confront the school board! A teacher like that can destroy a child's like for school. Then I would have a talk with my son and let him know that he should ALWAYS tell me everything. Even if a teacher or stranger tells him not to. The you two dont keep secrets!

Answer 12

I would keep more careful documentation in future about incidents with a teacher (date it happened, who was present etc.) and address them as soon as you hear about them.  I am somewhat concerned about your attitude with your son's teacher, however.  You used  a visit with his friend (who had never visited before) to try to elicit negative feedback about his teacher. "(I thought I would use the chance to see .... disliked his teacher)."   First of all, his parents may not be keen for you to have done that.  Furthermore, given that that was your goal, I'm not that surprised that you discovered he hated her too.  Seven year olds can be very astute and often tell the grown ups what they think they want to hear.  You also always believe your son.  Has it ever occurred to you that  adults have their own perspective of a situation and that 7 year olds also have their own point of view?  They may not understand life on the other side of the desk very well and their concept of "never" "always" and "fair" are not always adult -like in their perspective.  

I don't agree with both academics and behaviour affecting one's colour.  What rationale did she give you for this?  Were the academics only rated on work within each child's ability range so lack of achievement meant lack of effort or did everyone have to do the same work regardless of their ability?

The teacher's reaction to your son was very wrong.  She should never have told your son not to tell you something.  I would bring that to the principal's attention via a written letter.  That she said what she did, however, does tell me a few things:

a) she is guilty of very unprofessional behaviour

b) she can get angry with her students (welcome to 90% of all adults in charge of children

c)  She sees you as an enemy

d) she sees your son as a spy in collaboration with you.

She is in charge of a and b but you are in charge of c and d.

Your behaviour with the visiting friend tells me that you do use children (especially your own) to get negative information about the teacher. Responding to things that the child tells you of his own accord is not at all the same as trying to elicit negative information. (Personally, if I were the friend's mother I would not be happy with you.  I know my children will tell me if there is a  problem or I will see a change in their behaviour. I would not be happy if someone tried to get them to talk negatively about their school or teacher.)

You also always believe your son and contact the teacher whenever there is a report from him about anything negative.   I could assume that your son probobly heard lots of venting about his teacher over the year.  Don't be surprised if next year you also hear lots of negative reports about school.  They garner him lots of attention.  This behaviour will also not encourage him to behave in a respectful and cooperative manner with his teacher.  You state that he "hated her with a passion".  How did he behave towards her?  

When your son brings you a negative report, try to remember that you have yet to hear all the facts.  Do not give your son a response that indicates you think badly of his teacher.  It is correct to contact the teacher right away when there are concerns but how you do it is very important.  Approach the teacher calmly, as someone who is concerned but NOT angry and accusing.  LISTEN to what the teacher says and try to DISCUSS and question but not ARGUE.  

If your son has not presented the facts accurately (because of his own perception; we will not assume he lies outright)  explain to him the teacher's perspective and why you support the teacher. Remind him that he is expected to be respectful and cooperative in class.  

Hopefully you will get a teacher whose style is more like your own next year but, either way, you need to find a way to deal with matters so that your and your son's relationship with his teacher are left intact.  

One person wondered why all those mothers didn't do anything.  Eighteen years in education has left me with  reasonable certainty that had they felt there was a problem they would have been anything but noncommittal. Parents rarely let ANYTHING go.  If those parents had felt their children were being mistreated in school they would have said something.  Likely they did not say anything because their children appeared to be happy in school and they were happy with their progress.  Anything less would have had most, if not all, of them making plenty of noise.

Answer 13

Ask other parents if they have any complaints about her, too. Then ask the moms to have their kids say or write down other things she did that they didn't tell you. Then you and a few other moms should go to the school board, and tell them about the teacher. If you can, do some research on the teacher curriculum of your district (if there is any).

In 3rd grade I had a substitute that had us play a game pretending to shoot each other. He said it had to do with math, when really one person was a spy, one was a murderer. The murderer had to make a pretend gun with his hands and shoot another person, until the spy finds them and then shoots him. We told our regular teacher about this, and she had us each explain the game, and any other things that "Mr. Rock" did that day, and showed them to the principal. He's banned from the district.