I found out that my 13 year old is seeing the 9th grader.?

Question

I heard my soon to be 16 year old who is in 9th grade and my 13 yeard old fighting this moring and that' how I found out. My 13 old has very low self estem and is not very mature for her age, but looks older then her age. So my oldest daughter tries to look out for her. Now they are fighting, and I've told my daughter all she's aloud to to is talk to him on the phone at this time until I talk to her father, no going over to her freinds house or dates. My girls both left the house this morning ready to kill each other, my oldest, I think will find this boy at school she knows him and that will make for more trouble at home. Do I get evolved between sisters or stay out?

Answer 1

I know that big brothers & sisters like 2 watch out 4 each other but....if ur older daughter comfronts the boy it's only gonna hit the fan @ home so I think she should stay out of her sisters business on that it's between u & ur husband what 2 do she's ur daughters.Her sister is gonna have 2 accept the fact that her little sis is growing up & they shouldn't b fighting over boys even if it's because she's worried about her.U need 2 sit them down & talk 2 them both about respecting each others boundaries...or at least that's what I'd do.....good luck!

Answer 2

I would stay out of it. They should be able to resolve it eventually. I also agree with you. Your daughter is too young to be dating already.

Answer 3

Yes, you should intervene. A 13 year old has no business "dating" a 16 year old. (Not even on the phone!)Those three years make a HUGE difference. If you know she has low self esteem, you better get some rules in place and find ways to improve how she feels about herself. If she is seeking approval from boys, you'll have many, many major issues in the near future. She needs to have friends (including boys) her own age. Your older daughter knows this is wrong, why don't you? Get a grip and get control of things!

Answer 4

let go through this it will teach them what life is really like

Answer 5

they will stop fighting and about your 13 year old going out with a 9th grader don't worry it is only 2-3 years difference   it usually doesn't work out when they have the difference of high school and middles school so don't worry

Answer 6

You are a parent first, not their friend.  Take care of the thing between your daughter seeing the 9th grader.  

Don't get involved in your daughters' fight unless it becomes physical.  That is something they need to work out.  Make them sleep in the same room until they straighten up, though.  That always worked for my kids.  Put the older daughter in the younger one's room.

Answer 7

dont get involved it will only make it worse. they'll figure it out themselves.

Answer 8

You are the parent.  You set the rules.  I think you need to step in, as you already set some boundaries.   I was not allowed to date until I was 16 and even then I was not ready.  When I was about your daughters age, there was a 19 year old who came to our house, my mother had a fit!  

I think you should not allow your daughter to date as you said.  She may be mature for her age, but the age difference between the two is different.  Sit down and talk to both of them at the same time.  Your 13 year old is blessed to have an older sister to look after her.  She may not know about this person as well as your older daughter.  She needs to be open enough to at least listen to her sisters opinion.  Your oldest obviously loves her.  Point these things out.  Family is a strong bond.

Answer 9

Honestly, at 13, your daughter is growing up, if she has a low-self esteem. Don't step in, she needs someone to tell her that she is beautiful, get involved, but don't break them up eighter. Let them have their own time, just talk to your daughter about limits and self-respect. I am a 14 year old male, at 13 I was definitely having feelings for girls, and that's okay. Sometimes I just have to remind myself about limits and stuff. If you try to ruin this for her, she would have less respect for you and disobey you.

Answer 10

let them resolve it

Answer 11

you must get evolved between sisters.

Answer 12

Be the mediator. That way you're involved, but in an objective way. The sisters need to see/learn the proper way to resolve conflicts, there's where you come in. It's just like when kids see parents fighting... they AlSO need to see them make up to learn how to resolve conflicts.... not just how to create them.

Answer 13

As a parent it is sometime very hard not to jump in and try to solve every problem that comes up.  I would sit back and let the girls work on this issue themselves.  If you always solve all their problems they will never learn to do things for themselves.  Keep an eye on the situation and ask if everything is going okay, and let it go at that.  If they need you, they will ask.  Good luck.

Answer 14

Woah....of course you should step in. You are the parent. Children need guidance. If your daughter were older I would say okay, but at 13, the 3 year gap is just too much. He should be dating girls his own age and the 13 year should not be dating at all.  I say right on to your daughter for stepping up and putting a foot down. You should be doing the same. Take notes. Have you two reversed roles?.

Answer 15

Stay out of it

Answer 16

well its great that your oldest wants to help...so just tell her thank you but tell you got it under control. i think that you made the right choice of limiting your 13 year old's privileges with this guy. I'm 15 and my parents still don't approve of my dating. i currently have a bf and he has to come to my house and we cant be anywhere without parents. at first i didn't like it...but I'll have my time soon. my parents just care.

Answer 17

How old is this 9th grader? Most kids in the 9th grade are 14/15. I'm guessing the 13 yr old is in 8th grade which would not make this a very unusual match. Was your 16 yr old held back?

Answer 18

dont get involved with both of  them but get involved with your 13 year old  u should invite the kid over find out more about him.y he likes ur daughter and go from there if u dont like him  tell ur daughter they should just b friends and nothing more.

Answer 19

The more embroiled you become, the more you push them away.  I did so many things to get back at my mother because she wanted me to do one thing; so I did the exact opposite.

All you can do is be there when they come out of this and ask for your help.  if you help all the time, they'll be expecting it, and if you don't do anything, they'll probably come to you before you know it.

As a mother, you know yourself when things truly are beyond the crossed line, and at the moment, it's best to play it by ear.  I fought with my family/brother all the time when I was younger, and I was often told off, but we're all great friends now.  I think you're being cool about your daughter, but you have to make sure that she's aware of safe s*x (in a discreet way), and minimizes putting herself in dangerous situations.  We can't stop children having s*x, but if we don't discuss it, it's worse.  That's why where I come from in England, we have one of the worst under-age pregnancy rates, because of Victorian values where s*x is an embarrassing subject.

You sound like a cool mom.  Don't be hard on yourself for taking a step back.  They'll give you a head ache if you worry too much, and then  you won't be able to give them your 100% if they need you when they come to you.

Answer 20

Get involved.  Your not there to be thier friend but make them into good people.  The best way to discourage thier fighting is to not blame one or the other but punish them both equally for fighting.  Teach them to resolve the issues and when they do praise them for it.

Answer 21

First talk to the oldest one and tell her you are so proud of her for standing up for her sister but she needs to step back and let you and dad handle it from there or her sister is never going to trust her again.  Then talk to the youngest and tell her that you are glad she is starting to come out of her shell but at 13 you feel she is to young to start dating and that her sister might have handled it wrong but she loves her and is just concerned for her.  With me it was the opposite my brothers always tried to "protect" me and we spent a lot more time fighting than anything else.  Good Luck.