I gave a baby up for adoption 6 yrs ago how do i go about and try to find him thankyou?

Question

I was 18 at the time and now i just want to know if he is okay.

Answer 1

Go to http://www.origins-usa.com to speak with other women who have been in your situation for the best advice. As someone who has not personally been in your shoes, what I would do is contact the agency to see if the adoptive parents are willing to open up the lines of communication. When I was 6 I would've been thrilled to have my mother contact me. It may be that you'll have to wait until he is 18 to find him (sadly for all involved, **** sealed records) but I would still contact the agency and see. But yeah, talk to the wise women at Origins so they can give you advice having BTDT and they can advise you as to what your rights are and the best way to get things done. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 2

I can understand that you want to know that he is okay, but the search process is a very long one. Being the birth mother you will not be able to get information from anyone. In most states the adoptee has to initiate the search. unfortunatly you will have to wait it out and try to start searching when he he 18. Sorry i know this isnt the answer that you want to hear, but it is the truth.

Answer 3

It varies state to state. If the adoption was a closed adoption then that means you gave up all the rights but if it was an open adoption then you should be able to call the adoption agency and go from there. They may be able to tell you if the child was adopted by a couple or a single parent but I'm not sure how much more info they will be able to disclose to you.

Answer 4

Go through the adoption agency that you went through when you gave your son up. See if they can help you. If they can, it might be best just to talk to the little boy's new parents (the ones he's always known) and not just show up in his life as his mother. They may communicate with you, and they may not because they would see you as a stranger and whatnot. If you can't get any information through his parents or the angency, then you may have to wait till he is of legal age, 18, or what the legal age for the state living in (some states have different legal ages) and then find out about him. That's all I can really tell you. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well. God bless and take care.

Answer 5

call the big op,she will help.

Answer 6

I don't think this is a good idea.  You should wait until he is older...18 or so.  He is still much too young to be able to comprehend the idea that his real mother could leave him with another family (no matter what the reason!).  He is just too young to understand it now.  

Not to mention, that it will probably devastate the adoptive family that will live in fear that you will try to take him away from them (no matter what your true feeings are!)

It would be much kinder to leave this thing alone for a few more years!  Good luck and please think about what I've said...

Answer 7

I can only imagine that you're feeling the loss now as you get closer to an age where more people have children.  However, you gave up your baby, and that baby is now a child - someone elses child.  If your not part of an open adoption, it would probably be very traumatic for you to show up in your sons life now.  You aren't his mommy anymore.  Talk to the agency, and see if his parents would be willing to communicate with you, but don't expect too much.  I know I would feel very cautious about letting a stranger (which is what you are now) suddenly come into my sons life.

Answer 8

Yes, definitely contact OriginsUSA

I can't speak for other adoptees but it was around the age of 6 that I used to dream of my mother.  I tried to picture her face, her voice I wondered what she looked like

I think never having the answers to all the questions that started to develop around that age did more damage than if I had had all the answers to them KWIM?

I think openness and honesty in adoption is the only way to have the child's best interests at heart.

Obviously, you have to contend with the insecure people who are possessive and only have their own best interests at heart but all I can tell you is that, a child of this age would be saved alot of the hurt and confused feelings he/she is starting to have if his/her questions could be answered and those questions are about YOU

I truly hope the family is open-minded enough to allow the child to know all about his/her mother.  I know it would have helped me at that age.

Answer 9

This depends on the type of adoption you place him into.  If it was a closed adoption, you may never know until he is an adult.  If it is an opened adoption simple contact the agency and they will connect you.

Answer 10

ask the police.

Answer 11

well yeah it was hard at that age, but i understand your feelings, but when you see this child it will kill even more and you are gonna want this child. see if you can find a # tothese people and ask about him. or social services. they might can give you info on it, only they would know where child has gone.

Answer 12

im so sorry but u cant get any information on the child until he is 18 because once u sign over the child he is no longer yours and they wont give u any information on him cuz hes a child. it will be easier to find him when hes over 18 cuz he will be an adult.

God bless and i hope this helps u

Answer 13

the only way you can get information on the baby if hes not 18 is to have that part of the agreement when you put him up for adoption, if their were no legal documents on the parents having to let you know anything then you'll have to wait.... im sorry.

Answer 14

Well I think first you will have to be sure you want to do that because you have t think about the baby boy too. not just you. So think about that or when you find him , I think talking to the parent first and to see what they say.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 15

You really need to stop and think how it is going to affect his and his family's life. My mum adopted her first baby out 35 years ago she was nearly 18. She always left contact details whenever we moved with the authorities so that when and if he was ever ready he could come searching for her, and he did : - ) My mum always wondered about him and if he was OK but it wasn't her place to go and disrupt his life, it was left totally up to him. His parents weren't overly thrilled that he was finding his birth mother but because he was an adult they couldn't stop him. Please really think about the possibility that you could hurt him even more and a this stage of his life he may not even know he is adopted.

Answer 16

I'm sorry but why in the world would you want to turn this child's life completely inside out.  I agree with the idea of going to the agency where you placed him and see if they can answer your questions.  I was adopted and NOT ready at 6 years old.

Answer 17

Can you wait a few years? I have an adopted grandson and it would really be painful for all of us if we thought his birth mother was looking for him now (he's 5). Please give this some more thought.

Answer 18

Unless you were in an open adoption which it seems you weren’t because then you could get information from the agency you placed him with. If it was closed your just out of luck in till he turns 18. Unless you ask the agency to ask his family if they are ok with contact from you.

Answer 19

Listen to Marsha R - check in with Origins.

Do you have copies of your hospital records? If not call the hospital's records department and request copies of your records. It is unlikely, but there may be some information on those papers that could give you a clue. (I found out that my son's adoption was a private adoption which I did not know.)

Do you have copies of the legal papers that you signed when you relinquished your child? (I don't. Unfortunately, "my" attorney was hired for and paid by the adoption professional and/or adopting family, and said attorney seemed not to think it important for me to have copies of these papers.) Perhaps you can copies of these. Probably not very much revealing the identity of your baby or his or her adopters, but it is worth a try. Besides the fact that you should have those papers!

Best of luck to you.

Answer 20

Really should of thought of that at the time you gave him up. I would suggest you just let it be. There is not much good that will come of this.