I gave my baby up for adoption 2 years ago. It was an open adoption with my now ex sister in law.?

Question

We were getting along then she got mean. In the adoption papers it said I was entitled to visitation and photos. Thats why it was open. She had aplastic anemia so I wanted to give her a chance of being a mother.Is there any thing I can do to force the visitations and photos? I would have never done it but I loved her then she turned on me. My baby is two now and I only held her once, when she was first born. What can I do? Is this legal?

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about that but you don't have any good options.  It's her child now.

Answer 2

I'm sorry. I sympathize for you, I really do. But legally you gave up the rights to your child, meaning your child is no longer yours - legally. I'm not an expert on these kind of things, but I think your best bet is to try and smooth things over with your ex sister in law. Or you might just leave well enough alone. Maybe your ex sister in law wants to raise "her child" without the interference of the "real" mother. And sadly, this is her choice, as she is the child's legal guardian. It is up to her and you have to respect her choice. I mean you wouldn't have given her your baby if you didn't think she would be a good mom, right?

Answer 3

I am so sorry that happened, but legally you did give your child up. Try and work things out with your ex sis-in-law. I have never had to go through this, but I googled open adoption and this is what I found: (I included the links below)

In open adoption there is NEVER any guarantee that the adopting family will keep their side of the agreement to stay in contact. In several states there are some elements in the adoption reform movement who are working for legally enforceable open adoption agreements. I am not comfortable with legally enforcible open adoptions because I am concerned that it will be used to "sell adoption." The reality is that once a case gets into court everyone has lost, and most probably the birth family has lost the most. They often may not have the funds for a court fight. If for any reason you are hesitant to fully trust the adopting family, then do not choose adoption. This is another good reason to work with an agency. The agency is there to help you. While it is very rare there is a problem in this area, even once is too often.

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Open Adoption is a myth in most cases, used in order to convince women to surrender their children so agencies can make money and adopters can obtain children. Once you relinquish, you have NO LEGAL RIGHT in ANY STATE OR PROVINCE to see your child. If you upset the adoptive parents, or if they NEVER INTENDED for the adoption to be open in the first place, then you are out of luck!!! Adoptive parents hold all the parental rights. You will legally have no more right to see your child than any other stranger would. Even mediation and courts cannot help if they decide to move to another state.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I'm so so sorry for you - and your precious baby.

All adoptees should be allowed to know - personally - their mothers - if at all possible (ie as long as there is not abuse).

The worst part - mostly - 'open adoptions' - are not enforceable.

It's disgusting - isn't it.

They're a complete lie.

And sadly - so many expectant mothers are lured into believing that they will have an 'open adoption' - only to have the adoptive parent close up the adoption down the track - once they have your baby.

(and just so I don't get jumped on - sometimes first mothers also close up the adoption or disappear - but I hear it more on the part of the adoptive parents doing it - either way - it's wrong - for the adoptee)

One day - your child will learn the truth - and that child will be so very very angry at his/her adoptive parents.

Please either start a journal - or a blog - and write to your child as if the child is going to read it soon - about what goes on in your life etc - as it will be a very precious gift for your child someday down the track.

All adoptees want to know that their first mothers are thinking about them and that they love them.

What insecurities that women must have - and how very selfish she is being!!

UGH - I'm so sorry - and I hope she comes to her senses someday soon.

Answer 5

I wish there were some way for first parents to have open adoption agreements legally enforced.  For the many first parents who do truly wish to have the ongoing open arrangement however, this is not the case.  Adoptive parents can close the adoption at any time.  Some have closed it and moved away.

I've actually read "advice" from some AP's explaining to PAP's how they can just agree to an open adoption in order to get a baby faster, but then they can close it.  I couldn't believe how they were complaining about how they had to go through this rigmarole in order to get a baby quicker.  How selfish!

Answer 6

I am so sorry about this.......please understand that there is no real legal definition of an "open adoption".

Once you sign over your parental rights the adoptive parents have the right to refuse visitation and photos.

The adoptive mom probably feel "threatened" by you.......some woman are insecure....adoption will not change this.

Write her a letter telling her that you are not interfearing in her being the baby's mom and that you know that the baby is loved and cared for.......Try to open up these lines of communcation......some day this sweet little girl will have questions only you can answer.

Answer 7

It's another form of coercion - they promise the birthmother openness, photos etc etc to ensure the relinquishment and then once it's all finalized, there is no recourse

I'll bet they didn't tell you that prior to signing the TPR right?  Adoption in the USA needs a complete overhaul; the way it is practised is just outrageous

I'm so so sorry; all you can do is appeal to her better nature (if she has one!) and ask her to honor the agreement.

I would keep copies of everything you write and send to baby so when she is older, you can show them to your child as proof that you cared.   I'm sure it will mean alot

Answer 8

I would say to not go the legal route unless you have to.  Go to her. Make amends. THAT is in the best interest of your child!

Get a counselor if you have to.  Go to Catholic Charities or any local adoption agency that can provide counseling.  

Remind her how much you loved her and tell her you want to work things out.  With help, you probably can!

If all else fails, and the counseling for you , or both of you, doesn't work, then seek out the advice of an adoption attorney.  There is recourse.

Answer 9

You say she is an ex-sister-in-law.  What exactly is the relationship?  Was she your brothers' wife?  Your ex-husbands' sister?  Because of that family connection, you may need to go through the family to get your agreement restored.  

If it is your ex-husbands' sister, you may have no recourse since the feelings about you may stem partially from the divorce.  If it is a brother's ex-wife, he should have shared custody or visitation rights and so should be able to 'demand' the agreement be honored.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to seek legal advice. I am sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like an awful mess. I have never heard of an open adoption but if it was on the adoption papers then I would guess the sister in law would need to adhere to it. Might I suggest trying to mend the bridge between you and her for your daughters sake. She will one day learn about how generous you were to her adoptive mother that if things are kept peaceful between you both it will make things a lot easier. Good luck and god bless.  :)

Answer 11

There are no laws in place that support visitation rights for birthparents.  

I would speak with an attorney to see if the adoption agreement holds any force in this situation.

Answer 12

Legally you gave up your rights, so sorry to hear this . try to work things out . good luck

Answer 13

I am sorry but honestly shame on you for even giving your child up. I say this because it seems you only placed her for adoption because you had pity on your sister in law. Why didn’t you try and help her research adopting from an agency or foster care instead of giving her your child out of pity.  

Unless your from one of the few states that enforces Open adoption there is not much you can do. Except try and get on her good graces.

Answer 14

You have to get an attorney. If you have visitation, then legally you have the right to see her. Get an attorney. If you cannot afford one, call the attorney generals office for your state. They will help you.