I gave up my baby in 2006....?

Question

I have had four children, and never meant to get pregnant again, so when I did, it was a shock(I was on the pill). Another baby would have been a serious financial burden, but abortion was never an option(personal choice, not religious). So we gave him up. My question is, and I know there will be alot of anger towards me from him(since I have my other three children), what should i expect when he contacts me? It was an open adoption, and I get letters and pictures from the parents, they have also told us that they will tell him he was adopted and give him my number when he is old enough...I know I did the right thing, but I want to be prepared for whats to come...

Answer 1

You can not know what comes next all you can do is prepare yourself for anything. I was willing to let my daughter hit me if it made her feel better. All I wanted was a chance to explain. I got that chance and she was not angry. You do not know what will happen, you do not know how they will feel toward you no matter how they are raised. That is something very private for each individual, all you can do is be big enough to take what ever comes and don't run or hide from it. You owe it to your child.

Dont talk about Gershom like that. You have no idea what your saying. She has every right to say what ever she wants. You dont even know her and you have never been in her shoes. If that's all you got out of her blog you didn't read very far. RESPECT, TACT, COMPASSION, try some.

Answer 2

i'm your child i'm 2 i answer question

i lyke turtles

Answer 3

You are such a good person and parent.  They way you're thinking about this now proves that you care about the child's well-being.  Keep researching.  Take some of the other responder's advice to look up blogs, etc.  Best wishes, Kristy

Answer 4

honestly maybe you should talk to someone.  find out if there are classes on this subject. this is not something you should take lightly

Answer 5

First i want to say that you did the right thing. Giving a child up for adoption is such a difficult thing to do and i don't think people like yourselves get enough credit. it requires a lot of inner strength and selflessness. you need tgo tell your son that you wanted him to have the best life possible and you didnt think you would have been able to given him that. you wanted him to have a car, go to college, get new clothes, simple things like that..and you may not have been finacially able to supply those things. It wasnt that you didnt love him, in fact it was the exact opposite. you wanted him to strive and enjoy life to the fullest - that is why you did it. you did it because you have a heart, and you are an awesome person for being able to make that decision. best of luck!

Answer 6

I so think you did the right choise

Answer 7

I can not or will not run you down for what you thought was best as long as the birth father was apart of your decision. I hope everything works out for you. I just hope years from now your not on this form crying saying that your open adoption turned closed.

  As far as your child yes the child will grown to dislike you but what do you expect. Maybe when the child gets older then  he will understand why.  I have a Friend that got pregnant after he husband dies she made mistakes but anyway she found her oldest daughter found him on my space. He wants nothing to do with his natural mom just his sisters. The birth mom is so upset but what did she expect from him . He's only 16 right now and maybe as he gets older he will understand more that's all she can hope for.

   I still think that birth control is so easy to get on these days and this shouldn't happen but it does.

Answer 8

Heather H.,

I would hope your adoptive family would teach your son to love, honor and respect you.  

ZaZa,

How dare you tell Gershom or any other Adoptee that they could have been aborted, or that they are lucky or that they are choosen.  Shame on you!  I'm not adopted and I'm offended.  Adoptive parents are the lucky ones and we are the chosen ones.  Telling someone they could have been aborted is just mean!

I'm hoping you just don't get the correct terminology here and that you aren't that mean spirited of a human being.

Honestly, would you ever say any of those things to your own kids?  Bring on the thumbs down, I couldn't sit back and say nothing!

Answer 9

if you are concerned that you will have apprehension and your child some anger upon reunion, you will be surprised to know that many share your concerns.  this is the "untold" part of the "loving choice" adoption jargon--what happens when the kid grows up.

i would advise you to dialog with othe f-moms and get some insight from adoptees regarding their feelings towards their fmoms..educate yourself on adoptee loss and read...read...read... everything you can about adoption and reunion.

i hope it works out...

oh, and zaza...it's "poor SOUL."  hooked' on phonics, ya know?

gershom- ditto...ditto...ditto...

Answer 10

well for one you should have never gave up your baby. if you got pregnant then  for some reason the lord wanted you to have another baby and he would not do that for no reason. so now all you have done was split him up from his other sibling and he will not be able to play with them or anything like that. the lord would not give you anything that you could not handle.  you should really think about what you have done. and yes he will pro. hate you cause he is going to think that you didn't love him and he is going to wonder why you did that to just him. if you didn't want anymore you should have had your tubes tied with your 3rd one.

Answer 11

If he is raised the right way he shouldnt hate you at all. He should thank you for giving him life and a family better suitable to to take care of him and give him everything he needs. It all depends on the family that has him now. Is this an open/closed adoption? You should write a letter- give it to the family and have him read it when he is 18. You are being too hard on yourself. if you expect the worse and expect him to be mad at you- then you dont deserve to see him again. Talk openly with the parents.

EDIT: Gershom is a bad seed- I am now 22- I was date raped at the age of 18- and kept my baby- I interviewed several families and found one I fell in love with to give my baby to. However during the pregnancy I changed my mind and kept her. It was hard- but I thank God I did it. So gershom can go scream her head off all she wants. I mean simply look at her picture she hates the world and wants to bring it down with her.....

Answer 12

I think that his adoptive parents will raise him well and will teach him not to "hate you". Write him letters telling him what were the reasons behind your actios. Tell him that you still love him and that you will never stop. Just be open about it. I understand that it was hard for you to do but you have to just understand that it was better for both of y ous. Good Luck.

Answer 13

Sparkle obviously has no freaking clue what its like to be adopted, and i wouldn't expect anything more from a 21 y/o who works for an adoption agency.

Read journey of the adopted self by betty jean lifton

Primal Wound by nancy verrier

and read as many adoptee blogs as you can find. Run a google blog search for "adoptee blogs"