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I gave up my two beautiful girls 7 years ago, now how would I go about finding them?

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I want to find them, even it's only just to look at them I don't want to complicate their life seeing as that's who they are used too I just wanna see what they look like. Merily curiousity that's all.

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  1. Some places let you give your information to the adoption agency and request it be open. This means if the children are looking for you they can find you. You cannot however, find them.


  2. Unfortunately if you signed your rights over, you cant do anything until they are 18. Im sorry.

    If it was an open adoption, you can ask the adoptive parents for pictures, but it is up to them if they provide them.

  3. Trying to have some kind of contact with your children - is actually a GOOD thing - and if adoptive parents can't see that - then they are the selfish ones.

    As an adoptee - I wish I could have had some contact with my first-mother - and my biological family. Mirroring - and being able to ask questions - is such an important thing for adoptees.

    Perhaps trying the adoption agency is the way to go.

    I wish you and your kids all the best.

  4. i understand your longing to see your baby girls. You're not being selfish by wanting to see them, every mother loves and cares for her child forever. They will always be in your heart and I wonder, it the AP's truly have their best interests in their heart, they would open up the adoption and let you have visits because your girls would most definately benefit from you being in their lives ( assuming your'e not abusive, which most mothers aren't ) I knew a mother who had found her son, and would sit in her car and see him at the highschool he went to, and waited till he turned 18 and met him with a rose. Bitter sweet. Legally, if you contact them, and the adoptive parents aren't happy about it, they can place a restraining order on you and it would prevent any further contact until they are 18. Another S****y thing about adoption is that you'll most likely have to put on that front for the agency or state and see if they're willing to contact your daughters aparents for you. Middle men always seem to mess things up. I wish you peace and healing. I cannot imagine having to endure the loss of my children. It would be one of worst. I hope one day you are together again with your children.

    i have no searching advice for you, but I do want to reference a wonderful mothers activism healing site www.origins.org they will hold your hand.

  5. I Agree check with the agency See if they will pass on a letter and simply let them know that at this time you simply just wish to know how they are doing and possibly get a picture.

    I have to say at this time though I know it is hard and you are hurting you need to seek out counseling and some sense of dealing and going through this pain so that you can move on with your life. Not saying forget them but you need to accept the choice you made which was obviously one made for good reason.

    Try to live your life and when they are of age and I am positive they will look for you Take the time now to place the info on all the open search registries and go to the agency you dealt with and give them permission to give them info if they come asking. Since they were older they will come. Until then though please live your life for that day and for the future and try and leave the past be the past. Again not saying forget Just saying move forward towards the day you will reunite.

    Best wishes

  6. Reading your question makes me want to cry. I have 2 little boys of my own and they are the age that your daughters were when you gave them up. I can't see myself giving them up. They are my world and I can't live without them, without enjoying them, without seeing their little faces every day. I can't judge you, only God can but how bad was the situation that you had to give them up? I know for sure the 5 year old still  remembers you and she will  look for you once she's able to do it. Why don't you wait until they try to contact you? Why are you going to interfere with their lives now, don't you think you had already done enough damage to them (emotionally speaking)?

    Stop being so selfish.

  7. I would suggest contacting the adoption agency you went through, if it does not violate something in the adoption contract then they can give you information. If you are going to just want to know what they look like maybe you can talk to the adoptive parents and they can send you pictures. It's all about communication with kids and family, keep the lines open and you should be ok.

  8. One of my client's contacted the adoption agency and gets to see them once a month... The boy thinks that she's a far relative but my client is soo happy to see that he has everything she would of never gave him. I'm gald you didn't have an abortion instead. Good luck.

  9. Stop being so selfish and self absorbed. You gave your kids away you get what you deserve.Leave them alone and let them get on with their lives.

  10. You are curious to see what they look like? Would it end there? You'd be curious how they are doing in school, what they do for fun, if they ever think about you. I think you should stay away until they are 18. You may not want to complicate their life but you will. You can't butt in now.

  11. Hire a detective, a pet detective.

  12. ok....say you just satisfy your curiousity at what they look like.  then what?  the 5 (now 12) year old probably remembers you and that you gave her up.  how did she justify you giving her up in her mind?  you need to remember that a 5 yr old's mind probably wont reason that mommy was going through some c**p and this was what was best for me and my sister. i would say wait until they are both older.  that way if you do see their pictures and want more of a relationship after seeing them they will be able to handle it better and understand it more.  

    no, you are not selfish for wanting to see what they look like now.  contact the agency you went through to see what your rights are, then go from there.  just remember that the adoptive parents might not be too receptive to hearing from you.  i know my parents probably wouldnt be if my biological mother came looking for me.

  13. You need to contact the adoption agency and see if the adoptive parents would like you to see their kids. If not then there is nothing you can do. You'll have to wait until they are 18 and if they even want to see you.

  14. Why the heck would you give them up for adoption?

  15. It would depend on the age if they aren’t yet 18, I doubt you will be able to get any information released to you. Unless it was an open adoption, which obviously isn’t the case.

  16. I can't tell you how i feel for you,i did the same thing,my twin boys were 3yrs old ,i also was young and going thru so much,,

    God reunited us when they were 19yr old,that was 10 yrs ago,its such a long story,but i went thru much agony,every birthday,mothers day,,I wanted to see mine also,I knew the names of the ppl who had them so i kept tracking them thru the years,thru info operaters on the phone,,back in those days they even gave out address'.

    a  Private Investigater would have no problem finding then in a few days.check up on them i wish i had of done more than just knowing where they lived.cuz it turned out they were abused and very unhappy,now my one son is on drugs and its been a nightmare,this is rare,and i dont want to scare you but keep checking on them.  if you do find them.

    And Pray for them,its heart-breaking and i still have pain till this day and always will to my grave,,plz find them and make sure they have a good life,,the biggest regret in my life is giving my boys away but its hard when you are young and going thru c**p,God Bless you,and i will pray for you and them also,,Take Care. :)

  17. I don't understand Y??????? PEOPLE GIVE THERE CHILDREN AWAY...I WAS 14 YEARS OLD WHEN I HAD MY DAUGHTER...NO WAY IN h**l WOULD I GIVE HER UP!!!!TO NOBODY IT WAS ******* HARD. BUT I DID IT GOT ALL THE HELP FROM RECOURSE'S NOT MY FAMILY. NOW AM 30 YEARS OLD AND HAPPY....

  18. let them go,they will come back in the right time,,it was very selfless of you to step up and give them a better life,I hope that you find peace with this decision,the most loving thing you can do is to leave them alone until they coome for you,97% of the time,they do come back.its going to be ok

  19. why the heck did u give them up?

  20. contact the adoption agency you signed them over too

  21. Speaking as an adopted child, I would say don't. Wait until they are 18 and see if they come looking for you. That way they are old enough and mature enough to handle all of the feelings that go with that experience. I know you are curious about what they look like. I was curious for 26 years about what my birthmom looked like. But, even if you see pictures you won't be satisfied, I'm sure. I wasn't. Just be careful, because they may not know they are adopted and you could bring a world of hurt to them and their parents. Think about what is best for them, not just your own curiosity, which I know is really difficult, but honestly for the best (in my opinion of course).

  22. The best way would probably be to contact the agency that placed the children. They may be able to contact the adoptive family and let them know you contacted them, and see if the parents would be willing to meet with you. Or maybe you could start by just asking for a photo, and a breif update on how they're doing. It will ultimately be up the the parents, and they can decide if they want to tell the children you contacted them, or wait until they're older.

    Also, please don't pay attension to the negetive comments. You did what you thought was best for your children.

  23. I think that it is a good idea for you to establish contact with the agency or lawyer to pass your contact information to the adoptive parents and to inquire if they are willing to share information about your girls to give you peace of mind.  It is possible that the adoptive parents would like your contact information for medical information or just to know that, if the girls want to find you, they can help.  As your girls grow older, it is likely that they will want to have contact with you.

    Unless it was a condition in your adoption agreement, I do not feel that contact with your girls is appropriate at their current ages.  Even if it was a condition of your agreement, suddenly opening up a closed adoption with contact is a lot to ask of the adoptive parents and your girls.

    Good luck.  I am sorry that you had to give up your girls.  I can't imagne how hard it must have been.

  24. ~I DUNNO FOR SURE

    ~PROBABLY THA PLACE TO START IS IN THA STATE AND ADOPTION ADGENCY U WENT THRU

    ~MAYBE SEE WHAT U COME UP WITH

    ~ALL I GOTTA SAY TO U IS GOOD LUCK AND KEEP LOOKING !!!

    ~DO EVERYTHING U HAFTA IN ORDER TO SEARCH

    ~IF U DONT DO EVERYTHING IN UR POWER U MAY REGRET IT TILL UR DIEING DAY....

    ~AND U DONT WANT THAT KINDA WEIGHT ON YO SHOULDERS DO YA

    ~GOOD LUCK HUN

  25. If you used an agency, you can contact them & maybe send a letter or whatever that they can pass on to the adoptive parents.  The adoptive parents, however, totally have the option to say no to allowing you to see them or sending you pictures or whatever.  Please don't be offended if they choose not to permit it.

    When the children turn 18, you can begin to seek them out.  I think it's likely that they'll have questions & will be curious.
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