I get married in 3 weeks and I want my parents to back off! HELP!

Question

Today my fiance and I meet with our pastor. We decided how we wanted our ceremony to go. Vows and rings etc. We decided not to have wedding programs.It was just an extra expense. Our ceremony would last about 20-25 minutes.

This afternoon I told me mom what we were going to do and she said..NO NO NO..all wrong She wanted a 60 minute elaborate ceremony. She said that she wanted 2 readers(which we did NOT want), communion(Which we did NOT want), and programs....Since Were getting married a our church, non members are no allowed to take communion anyways. The only members attending the wedding is my parents and Me and my groom...I told her that it's my wedding and this is how it's going to go. She said NO...Without sounding spoiled, how can I tell her nicely that this is how My Groom and I want it.

Answer 1

I don't believe it is being spoiled to want your own wedding to be the way you both want. Don't lose your temper with your mom tell her you love her but you and your fiance have it planned the way you both want it. Perhaps have the communion for your parents and you and your groom to be private immediately after the service. If not have both your parents walk you up the aisle, or have the mothers light a candle before or during the service.

Answer 2

If you already met with your pastor, you can tell her it's too late to change it. Regardless, she should still respect your wishes - even if she is paying for it!

Answer 3

Its your wedding, just tell her no and walk away.

Answer 4

She can't change anything and will have to just accept it.

Answer 5

First of all, tell them how you feel, and if they still refuse to believe it, walk away. It's your wedding, your happiness is at the stake here, not theirs. If talking to them doesn't work, try and compromise with them, work something out that might work well both ways.  

Answer 6

Tell her, explain to her gently, that this is your wedding day.  Its a one-time thing, and you want it to be everything you've hoped for.  You, not your mother.  Try to get her to understand that this is your dream day, you know how you want it to be.  "Thankyou for the help, but mom, it's alright.  I'm grown up now, I can do this, I know what I want."

Good luck,

&& Congradulations!

x Caroline

Answer 7

If you are paying for it, she has no say. If she is paying for it, well give her her money back so you can have it the way you want.

Answer 8

follow--> "Mother, I don't like the way you are planning our wedding, it's my wedding and I am going to tell you exactly how I want it to go."

Mom--"No dear it should (insert whatever she would say)"

you-"That's practically the opposite of how my groom and I want it. My plan's perfectly fine, there's only going to be # of people, and many of those are unnecessary. I DON'T WANT IT."

hahaha :]

Answer 9

First off its not spoiled to want your wedding the way you want it. Just flat out tell her this is the way you want it that it is your wedding not hers. She is making it much more stressful for you to be doing this and the last thing you need 3 weeks before your wedding is more stress. The program thing sounds mainly like its not that you wouldn't mind them but more you don't want to spend the money tell her if she wants you to have those that she will have to pay for them. But if you really don't want them thing don't back down.

Answer 10

If you are mature enough to get married, then you must be mature enough to stand up to mama.  You must do what is best for you and your groom.

If bride and groom are mature enough to marry, then bride and groom are mature enough to pay for the wedding themselves.  In which case, mama's approval or blessing is not necessary.  Nice to have?  Sure.  But not exactly necessary.

Tell mama (gently and politely) that you and groom will be making the decisions.  And tell pastor that you definitely want the short ceremony, not the elaborate one (just in case mama decides to go to him/her behind your back).  Make sure your pastor is "in the loop."  Perhaps pastor can even convince mama that your way is best, if necessary???

Good luck.

Answer 11

Just go ahead with your plans...just because she says no doesn't mean it has to be her way.....after all you two are adults...your vows, right? Why argue about it/ You've already planned it with the pastor, what's she gonna do, call up the pastor and over ride your wishes? Somehow I don't think the pastor will go along with it...but just incase, call him and warn him....

You can't argue with someone who refuses to.......so dont argue. Refuse to discuss it..if she brings it up tell her it's already been decided and that's that. You've already told her what you & your guy want...that's all you need to do....and don;t tell her anymore, you're just leaving yourself open when you do. So her no means nothong, really.....ignore the drama..you don't have to play into it.

Answer 12

You know, in my opinion, regardless of who is paying for one's wedding, it's still up to the bride and groom I think if they want programs, or pink flowers, or ribbons, or bubbles, or a 10 tiered cake- whatever falls within the budget. Contributing money to a wedding is a gift. You don't give a gift to someone or say take someone shopping for a Christmas gift and say, no, you have to get such and such because it's my money. That's utterly ludicrous and goes against the whole point of gift giving.

You are most definitely not being spoiled if you put your foot down and tell your Mother, flat out - I have practiced this type of conversation on my own mother many times. I hear through the grapevine now and again that she thinks I'm being harsh with her. But you know what? No. I'm not being nasty or rude or pushy.  I want it this way, and I'm not going to be manipulated by someone, because she's my mother and people aren't supposed to what, talk back to their mother? Or stick up for their principles or opinions?

Mom, if you want to get married again and plan your wedding your way, by all means go ahead. This is our wedding, and we ARE having it 'this' way. And you can continue voicing your opinion, which I would normally respect. But I'm rather upset that you're trying to railroad our plans. And you really have no place doing so. So please be there on our day to share in our joyous occasion blablabla or however you need to word that lol and make conversation about our plans as we have set them out. But if you choose to bring up your disrespectful opinions again, you need to know that I will walk away. And that is YOUR doing.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her- evidently she's tried or succeeded in putting her power over on you before on how things should be.

If you don't have a grown-up relationship with your parents, that you can't tell them once in a while to back off, then it's really time to work on one.

I only had to have that conversation with my Dad once, in my early 20s, when he came to stay with us for a couple of weeks, and I guess had not really gotten used to the idea of leaving the Dad role behind, so had started to 'make suggestions' on some household decisions. And I respectfully told him this was OUR house, and he was no longer needing to guide us on decisions, that he had done a great job when we were kids. And we were making our own decisions now. And all was well after that.

But regardless, even if the conversation doesn't end as you want it to (with everyone feeling OK), it still has to be done, right? I mean I don't know how old you are, but at some point, your parents aren't running your show anymore and you have to be responsible for severing that umbilical cord, if she won't.

Good luck and congrats on your marriage!

Answer 13

You just say, very politely and respectfully, that you two are adults, paying for everything for your own wedding, so are making choices which the two of you want. Keep it simple and don't get into an argument or drama.