I get one shot to get her back... Ladies I need opinions badly.?

Question

On May 7 my long time GF who we had planned to get married in the near future and i left college for the summer she would be in nyc and i would be home...on June 2 my GF and I broke up but for the next few weeks still talked like we were together etc. We basically broke up because she said I was being unsupportive of her internship etc., but i just tried to explain that my emotions were a little skewed do to the long distance for 4 months. I made her a build-a-bear (I know, very sappy but it was a reach) with my voice on it to show that I was there in a way etc. Then after that it got ugly, she called me for a week straight and insulted me etc so i started to see another girl (i still cared about my GF a lot but the things she was saying were cruel) Anyway, when she found out, she started to cry and saying she did not mean any of it etc. That lasted for 2 weeks then she called and said she never wanted to see me again, talk to me again, she had moved on etc. We then did not talk for weeks, I wrote her e-mails, sent texts etc. ... all ignored.... WE have since started talking again and I will see her back at school in a week.... she said she had feelings for me but does not think she does anymore. I told her to have 1 dinner with me.... if she still feels no feelings then its over ..... if she does then we can hang out..... We used to go on expensive dinner dates all the time etc..... but I need to hit one out of the park here.... Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer 1

Take her to somewhere she has never been before but make sure it's very nice inside and out.act like you used to when you first got together.good luck

Answer 2

I would make her think that maybe she cant have YOU back not being rude to her or anything just by being vbusy yourself i find this WORKS better than you chasing her

Answer 3

why do all guys think that expensive things are what we want? Give her what she wants. She wants you to be supportive and encouraging of her. Write your feelings out in a poem, song, or letter. Get her a flower, hold her, watch the stars, instead of an expensive dinner go out on a picnic, cook her dinner. Its the little things that show someone that you love them. Just sit there and listen to her.  

Answer 4

In all honesty I would let her go and move on.

She sounds as if she does not know what she wants.  It also sounds as if she was looking for an excuse to break it off with you and date around while she was in NYC.  

She probably found someone else and that's why she doesn't have the same feelings for you.

I wouldn't take her to an expensive dinner.  Just meet her somewhere in a public place , like a park.  Something tells me she is going to give you the boot so why spend money on her.

You don't need to hit one out of the park.  She does in order to win you back.  She is the one that messed up and is trying to blame you.

She sounds like she is not the girl she was before NYC.  I wish you all the best.  But I can't see this working out.  

Answer 5

You couldn't give her what she needed from you when she was in nyc, because it interfered with what you wanted for your self. Now you think you can buy her love with an expensive dinner and everything will be okay.

I think you are listening loud and clear to what YOU want, but you seem clueless to listening to and giving her what she needs. Good food isn't going to change that.

She wants a man who can truly be supportive of her educational and emotional needs. Can you be that man with complete honesty? If you can't prove that to her, then it's over!

Answer 6

your beating a dead horse my friend, so no matter what you do it's not going anywhere.

    If the feeling is gone, no Louieville slugger's gonna bring it back and how many hat tricks are you gonna need to keep her?

    Go to dinner and see, if the feelings are there you'll know it.  

    She has accepted the invitation, to secure her feelings and finalize the decision she's made. So look at it from both angles, i think you'll find her talking "friendship".  Which of course, will be torture for you and something i don't believe any person should expect or even ask of another in such a situation.

       I don't think you should put to much faith in her change of mind.

      

Answer 7

don't count on impressing her with your wallet, dude!  it doesn't have to be expensive.  she was under a lot of stress with the long distance relationship and you didn't help at all since you took the first opportunity to go out with another female.

in reality what you SHOULD have done, is to deal with that week of fighting, was to stay quiet, remind yourself that women have hormones, and possibly apologized and reminded her frequently that you really really love her and miss her so much it hurts.

now, since she's decided to see you again, your chance to get her back rests completely on your words, and very little on your actions.

sincerely tell her that she's the only one for you.  and that being apart was like dying a little bit every day.  and that you only went out with that girl and while you talked to the girl, all you did was ask advice about her (your ex) and there was nothing to it, you just needed someone to listen and give advice.  that she was a "friend".

as far as what to "do" on your date, you take her somewhere where there is a harmonious environment (no loud bowling alleys or symphony concerts).  rather, find a nice quiet restaurant where you can linger over a bottle of wine and talk, really talk.  and this night has to be "all about her".  hint about the future (you must be sincere, if you are not sincere about the future, she will throw it in your face later and hate you for it).

make sure she is comfortable, ask her lots of questions about herself, and school and her internship.

by the way, the build a bear was an amazing choice, why do you think it was sappy?  you could take her back there and get one bear that looks like you (she can pick out the clothes) and one bear that looks like you (you pick out the clothes).

hold her hand, look into her eyes.

flowers wouldn't hurt when you go pick her up.

don't expect anything physical, you just want to reconnect emotionally.  if you pressure her for physical stuff she might think you are just responding to your "needs" and not to her as a person, your "soul mate".

call her on the phone.  texts and emails just don't work so well.  text or email once a day, always a NICE email or text, but also make sure you call her once or twice a day just to say "hi" and "i love you".

and try to remember some of her favorite things (go back and read her old emails).  if she likes a certain music artist or a certain color or type of flower or whatever, that's what you will use so she knows that you care and are thoughtful about her likes and dislikes.  choose the restaurant that reflects her favorite cuisine, if she likes italian best, then by all means, make sure you go to an italian restaurant.  

good luck

Answer 8

First of all, what a rollercoaster! You really need to decide if you want to be with this girl or not. You started dating a week after you all broke up??? It really doesn't say, "I am committed to working this out. Then if it doesn't work out, then I will consider other options." I mean, you were probably emotional and it was probably mistake. Just be careful that when you guys have a fight, that you do not go ahead and go out with someone else so quickly. It might make her feel like you don't care. Also, I would reccomend getting some sort of relationship book to go through together. If you all are planning on getting married, then you definitely need to work on communication. Communication seems to be a big problem with you both. Fighting, crying, ignoring, insulting. See if you can change that communication process around to something positive. By reading books together, you can see how the other responds better to different ways of talking things out. As for a date, think about her loves. What does she love to do? A concert under the stars might be nice. Or go to a rooftop restaurant and watch the sunset as you talk about your future together. Have her dress up and take her to a play. You may not want to go there, but this is about her. I would even reccomend doing something she likes that she knows you do not like so much. That shows your willingess to meet her needs at the cost of yours. (which is what love is all about). Tell her that you are sorry you have acted in a way that made you seem unsupportive and uncaring. Tell her you will make it up to her. That you want a healthy, loving relationship with her. That you would be willing to maybe read a book on communication in relationships with her so that you do not hurt her anymore. Show her how committed you are to her. I think she is just nervous about this roller coaster ride over the past few weeks. You just need to let her know that you will do your best to make sure that doesn't happen again. However, you do not need to be a doormat for her either. Tell her you want to work on your relationship together. So both of your needs are met. Guys that are willing to work things out even when the girl is not are the most awesome guys. If she doesn't want to work things out, then you are in the clear. You can honestly say you gave your all. Here are some relationship books that my husband and I have read. We have only been married 5 years. They have been a great help to us!

His Needs Her Needs

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

The Five Love Languages

Becoming One

You need to read a few of these before you get married so you will know how to handle problems when they arise. Don't wait until a problem happens or you might react in a way that would damage the relationship further! Good luck to you! I hope it works out!

Answer 9

If she goes out with you again, go all out, fancy dinner, flowers, and candy. Be generally apologetic, letting her knew exactly how you feel, and your feelings for her. If the cheating was the first and only time happening, she may forgive you; just be real about the whole situation, if she love and trust you enough, she'll come around, don't press the issue.    

Answer 10

No more build a bears.  Since she wants you when your with someone else then maybe you should tell her you wanted to see her one last time before you decided if you should move on or not with this other woman when you have that dinner.  And quit calling her so much, your annoying her and it's not helping the situation.  She's taking advantage of your desperation on that.  Just leave her alone a little bit from this day forward, you might be surprised when she calls you.  She'll think your moving on and it seems she doesn't want you to do that.      

Answer 11

I think it's no use in trying to get her back. I tried that with my ex. And I regret investing  so much time on him and on him trying to get me back. But If you really want to get her back. A woman loves a man who can cook. or spends much money on her. Loves diamonds. loves vacations. etc.etc.

Answer 12

Take her back to the first place you went on your first date.  Try to recreate as much as you can about those initial circumstances.  You both need your butts spanked for acting out like you two have.  It's either going to be there or its not.  Stay away from expensive stuff...you don't need to let the montary factor have any envolvment in your potential future...You aren't going to buy her love....not anymore anyhow....Maybe a trip to something like the Bicycle Club, where you two can drink Long Island Ice Teas.....(close to a hotel)...and play backgammon for a couple of hours.  A nice warm setting, then take her to a hotel that has a pool, and swim off the buzz.  You want to keep your wits about you, and not indulge in any possible future between the two of ya under the influence....cuz that wont work either....at least not any more.  Don't be sappy on the date...bring out your mature side....so that she can imagine what a great life she would have together with you.  Good luck... if it doesn't work out, then  at least you know you gave it your best shot, and it's her loss.   After posting this....and reading the above mentions...i believe i tip my hat to Starz....