I got an engagement ring, and I don't like it very much. I love my finance, should I say something?

Question

I don't want to hurt his feeling but I have to wear it for the rest of my life too. It also appears he spent a good chuck of change for it. Why spend all the money for something I don't really like. What should I do?

Answer 1

Tell him that you appreciate the ring he chose out but you would rather pick out your ring with him. That way you can make it a romantic excursion to a nice jewelry store and hopefully he won't be too offended.  

Answer 2

You'd better tell him...nicely, after you tell him how much you love him & appreciate his thoughfulness.  Otherwise you're going to like it even less as time goes by, & the resentment will grow...not a good way to start a life together.  Remember, marriage is about TALKING over the hard stuff; if you can't share this major concern with him., that should give you pause...

Best wishes to you...

Answer 3

I was in the same boat (but he was more reasonable with how much he spent). I told him that it's not my style, although I agree that it's a pretty ring (and he is right that it looks good on me, I just don't care for it much). I wear it anyhow. After all, we're getting married in less than a year (20 months engagement total), and then I change it for a wedding band.  

Answer 4

yes tell him  Why spend all the money for something you don't really like. ...you're gonna wear the ring

Answer 5

if you really love him u wouldn't care about the ring, maybe you don't like it because ur friends wouldn't like it or what ever,  but i wouldn't tell him just because he might get the wrong intension's and he will never forget it, he might act as if his not mad but believe he would not forget that. appreciate what he bought you it was expensive if thats what you care about and i love anything that my boyfriend had bought me just because he took his time in buying it, he put lot of thoughts.

Answer 6

no y should it matter if u really love it shouldn't matter cuz some ppl really spend alot of time pickin outta ring and for u not to like it which is nothin wrong wit that it just might hurt his feelings unless he one of those down to earth people who really wouldn't care then that's a different story!!! :)

Answer 7

I think you should be thankful he even gave you a ring.

Answer 8

that's a tough one....i don't think i'd say anything.  suck it up for a while & then in a few years you can get the diamond re-set for an anniversary or something. good luck!

Answer 9

I HATED my ring when I first got it. It had a huge stone in a setting I just totally hated, I thought it was too big ect. But I was going to live with it.

One day my fiance brought me flowers just because, and I was giving him a big hug and I caught a glimps of my ring, and I suddenly fell in love with it, because it meant love and commitment between him and I.

I stopped caring about what it looked like, and started caring about what it meant to me.  

Answer 10

get over it he chose that for you and as you said spent some good money on it, most girls don't wear their engagement ring there whole life just the first few years of marriage you should treasure it!

Answer 11

You saying something would hurt him horribly. I hope you don't intend upon breaking his heart over something like this!

A change of attitude on your part would go a long way. Be accepting of it as a symbol of his commitment.

I know from here on Answers that women come to love their rings - simply because their HTB chose them!

Answer 12

find some reason why its not right for you...like a legitimate reason. when i got my ring, it had really thick bands. so after like a week i got a blister. i asked my fiance if he minded if i chose something else because my ring gave me blisters. maybe your ring sticks up to high & catchs on stuff? maybe it isnt the setting you wanted & downt show off the beautiful diamond as well as another setting.... just some ideas

Answer 13

Talk to him about it.  Don't be afraid to be honest with your fiance!  He wants you to love the ring as much as you do.  You can look into different settings perhaps if the diamond itself is one you like or, depending on where he got it, you could exchange the ring in a certain time period.  

Answer 14

You should tell him. Nicely. That you appreciate it, but it's not really your style. See if you can trade it for something that you will both be happy with.

He's going to be hurt and maybe really mad, but I personally couldn't wear something I didn't like. It would be as bad as if my husband had gotten me a diamond for my engagement ring. I would never wear that.

Edit:  Exactly, Kallis! You should be able to talk to each other about ANYTHING - even if it's hard.

Some people think that their fiancee should "know" what to get them. It doesn't work that way. That's just pretending you guys are mind-readers, and that is a very bad, dangerous game to play throughout your marriage. Say it out loud. Don't try to hope that each other will somehow "telepathically" figure out what the other wants!

Answer 15

You should avoid outright saying that you dislike it. I'm sure he will be really upset if you insinuate that he chose an ugly ring. Picking a ring is a very stressful decision for all men, and I'm sure he did the best he could. That said, you could say that, although you like the ring, the setting isn't quite your style. Then ask him how he would feel about having the stone(s) reset. Be sure to tell him that you love him, you can't wait to marry him, and (pretend that) if he's not comfortable with changing the setting that it's ok. I'm sure he wants you to like the ring, so my guess is that he'd be ok with resetting the stone. It's only a few hundred to get a new setting. If he's resistant, you could bring it up again when you're shopping for wedding rings.

If you don't like the stone itself you might be out of luck. I completely understand where you're coming from, but I think saying you dislike the setting and the stone would be too hurtful. You might have to wait a few years then campaign to upgrade your ring. Keep in mind that you get to pick your wedding ring. It's possible that you'll like the ring more with the right wedding ring.

Good luck!

Answer 16

You know him best and you have to judge how you think he would react to your request. Then you have to decide how much it means to you, even if it would hurt him.

You're the only person who can make this decision!  

Answer 17

yes u should b able to talk about even the hard things but some things are better left unsaid. my hubby said he would have said tuff. good luck girl!! and congrats on the engagement!

Answer 18

He will probably be disappointed, but if he loves you enough to ask you to marry him (Guys fear commitment more than anything except in-laws), then he won't be too horribly mad.  Anyway, your getting a new ring in what, 6 months?

Answer 19

Why are you so fussy? Just be happy with it. Me and my hubby had no such problems because we went to a jewelry shop and selected couple rings together. We made sure we both love our wedding rings. I got married in Feb 2008. I paid for all the wedding expenses, so my last drawn salary of S$1300 pay(only) as a shipping clerk per month was spent mostly on our wedding, held with the Singapore Hokkien Huey Kuen, on the large framed up picture with a bridal shop(which has shifted), on the 2 sets of wardrobe done, and all other expenses. Total, I think I spent close to S$8,000.

Answer 20

that is a tough one, if you know that you can talk to him and he wont get offended see if you guys could exchange it for a different one or even take the diamond and put it into another setting but don't make him feel bad that he picked it out himself if you are truly in love and know each other well it may be something that you can tell him and he not be offended

Answer 21

I would talk to him about it, you could trade it in and get something you both really like

Answer 22

Ya you sit him down and you say I love you but this ring is not for me.If you want to marry me you buy me something that looks good on my finger.I have to wear this thing on my finger for the rest of my life I want something that makes me look good.Look if you love him as much as you say you do what does the looks of the ring have to do with your love for him.Look he payed good money for that ring sorry he didn't ask you to go with him to pick out the ring.If your love for him is based on what kind of ring he payed good money for, then you need help not a loving guy that may end up working two jobs to pay for that ring you just don't like.Tell him look you want to marry me you are going to get me a ring that I like. You don't want to hurt his feelings then why can't you just be happy that he even payed good money for the ring.You could care less about him you only care how nice your finger looks.Look just grow up and be happy that you got someone that loves you enough to even buy you a ring.

Answer 23

That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard in my entire life. He picked out something that he though would be beautiful for you. Keep in mind this is a symbol of his love for you, not a trophy.

Answer 24

Perhaps you could just wear it for a little while to avoid hurting his feelings.  Maybe, like on your 1st anniversary, get the stone put in another setting, as an "anniversary" gift.