I got an excellent job offer, but it's three states away from where I live now and my daughter has friends?

Question

I'm a lawyer and I recently received a great job offer. I'll get a bigger salary, they have a really nice school for my 14 year old daughter and it'd be the opportunity of a lifetime! The problem? My daughter has a bunch of friends, really likes her school and really likes her neighborhood.

I think it'd be a good move for the both of us, we'd be closer to wear my 17 year old son is attending college(he'll be about 3 hrs. away if we move)and my 22 year old son is moving about a town away with his fiance and step-daughter once they get married in October, and some of my family lives there so we'd be close to our family and I think it'd be great. I've decided to take up the job. However, I'm worried about telling my daughter.

She's going to be EXTREMELY mad at me and hate me for making us move expecially since she just made a bunch of new friends, but I know she can make new friends where we're moving.

How should I tell her and do you think I'm doing the right thing by taking this job? Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

just sit her down and tell her you have something serious to tell her

Answer 2

I think, given your daughters' age, and love for her school, friends, and neighborhood, you should have discussed this with her, since it would be a family move, and not just dad's move... Money isn't everything, and if you're doing well enough, where you are, you may just reconsider, if she really wants to stay... So many teens HATE their school and neighborhood, and yours actually likes hers! That's something to think about... Besides that, she may think that you're playing favorites to your sons---who made their choice to move away---since you're so ready to move closer to them, at what she'll view as at her expense... However, she may surprise you! Maybe she'll like the idea. Granted, she can e-mail her pals, etc., but it isn't the same... I have 3 kids, and one on the way, and if we were to move to another state, it would be a family discussion and choice. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you absolutely did the right thing.  You are correct, she will "hate" you for awhile (I have a 14 year old daughter, too), but it will blow over.  Being closer to family will be good for both of you & I'm sure she'll make new friends in no time.  

As far as telling her - there is no better way than to just get it out.  It's kind of like pulling off a band-aid.  Just do it fast & hopefully it won't sting quite so much.  I would do it at home as opposed to a public place so she can fell free to express her emotions.  I know she'll miss her old friends, but that is what the internet & texting are for.  Perhaps she can get a webcam so she can "see" her old friends.  

Congratulations on the new job & good luck with your daughter!

Answer 4

That's hard.  I had to move to another town when I was 12.  I was in jr high, and what an awkward age that was.  The good news is that I made new friends and moved on.  And with technology today, she'll just be a text away from her friends.  You do what you have to do.  She'll respect you for it later.

Answer 5

Honestly, you are the father AND the mother and you really need to do what is best for the family.  You can try explaining to your daughter that this is best for the family and that she can always write to her friends.  I know it will be hard for her in the beginning but that always changes.  The move will be the better option for all of you. :)  I moved when I was 16 to another town with my parents and I was bumbed out about it in the beginning.  Once I started making friends, that all changed and I adjusted well. Best of luck!  

Answer 6

You need to move.  Your daughter needs to realize that you pay the bills.  You do what you need to do.

On the flip side.  I haven't had a job in while (which is why I'm able to spend so much time in this thing).  I have 3 kids and a daughter who is a senior (2 others in College).  Recently, my town made #3 in the fast dying cities in the US.  (As an illustration...my prospects aren't very good).  I will not move.  My daughter needs to finish High School here.  I can make that decision because Financially I can and I choose to; and frankly I'm at an age where my prospects for long-term employment are terrible.

In a nut shell...if I were a younger man and my paycheck was 3 states away; "young lady, Dad loves you very much, but we're moving.  You'll understand someday when you have kids of your own...not now maybe....But let me assure you...you'll understand."

Good luck old man.  It's not easy and I wouldn't be surprised if you're still on the fence.  

Answer 7

Supporting her financially and making enough money to be able to send her to collge is 10x more important than her friends. She can make new friends and still talk to her old friends on the phone.

She will be mad at you but she will get over it. You would be foolish to give up a great job and a ton more money because you are worried about her having to make new friends. Kids make new friends all the time, it is part of life.