I got into ANOTHER argument with my bridesmaid...

Question

I've known her for 11 years. We've been arguing off and on for the last 3. She's REAL REAL sensitive. Every 3 months or so it seems like we stop talking. I decided against her being my bridesmaid. I could only invision lots of more arguments to come. This last argument she started was how come she never told me she lived with her boyfriend (no car, no job EVER only internships, but he has a mortgage??? 3 kids, divorced) She was suppose to stay with me until she got on her own. She moved some stuff in and then fell off the earth. I didn't hear from her until yesterday (about 10 days later).

She blew up at me basically and was full of attitude. I feel like marking her off my bridesmaid list. Will I be wrong for that?

Answer 1

She seems like someone that you should just sever ties with altogether because she doesn't seem to have any respect for you.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and good luck!

Answer 2

Why would you argue with her over her choice of men? That is something that is her decision and you should just be there to support her. That is not worth losing 10 years worth of friendship over. What else do you argue about? Are they serious arguments? I would not disown her as a bridesmaid if they are not serious. Think about how that would make her feel. Can you sit down and talk with her about how you're feeling? If you have been friends for so long, you should be able to have a discussion with her about how this wedding is your day and you feel like she is not taking it seriously.

Are you just frustrated with her and using the threat of her not being your bridesmaid as a way to get back at her?

Either way it doesn't sound as if you  guys have the best relationship right now. I say have a long heart to heart with her and figure out what you guys are really arguing about. Be completely honest and open. Real friends are so hard to find, if you can fix what you guys have it might be worth it!

Good luck

Answer 3

I once had a friend like this and she was a total B*tch.  I finally stopped speaking with her and my life has improved greatly.  Perhaps its time you just forget the whole thing?  It doesn't sound like shes particularly interested in being friends with you and you are likely both making one another's lives h**l.  I'd just write her an email and tell her what you think and just stop talking to her.

Answer 4

Well if you completely cut her out of the wedding and everything. you will just have to deal with it later.. why not try giving her a smaller less important roll in the wedding.  

Answer 5

let her go.  too much drama.  you will have other stresses to deal with in the course of planning your wedding.  a true friend is not one that is in and out of your life.  whatever it is that your friend is holding on to (this guy thing), i would talk to her about it to clear the air and send her on her way.  

Answer 6

heck no! diss her and tell her to grow up and feel that you're no longer a friend.  She isn't close to you anymore, so it seems. you have every right to mark her off the list. it's your wedding.  

Answer 7

not only should she not be anywhere near your wedding, you shouldn't have anything to do with this person for over ten years of your life!  forget her

Answer 8

Toxic friends. Shesh.

Jettison this baggage – like 9.5 years ago.

Seriously, pack up her stuff and call UPS to come and get it.

Don’t have her as a bridesmaid. Don’t even invite her to the wedding. Cut all ties with her. She’s really, really toxic and you don’t need that kind of drama, hysteria and poison in your life – now or ever.

Answer 9

Well if she is unreliable and not around then you dont need that added stresses around your wedding.

Answer 10

I think you have EVERY right not to have her as a bridesmaid. If I were you I would avoid as much drama as possible. I mean you are going to be getting married and should be able to enjoy it... NOT have to wonder if this girl is going to start a fight or even show up. (with her track record that seems very possible) I say for your sanity and peace on your wedding day DO NOT allow her to be a bridesmaid. If you have already asked her just tell her ' I'm sorry but with the way things are going I think it would be best if you weren't a bridesmaid. Not only am I afraid of fighting on my special day but I can't take the chance that you won't even show. I'm sorry" And if she makes a big deal of it then I say write her off. She doesn't seem to be a good friend anyway unless SHE is the one getting something out of it. Good luck

Answer 11

I'm confused.  I thought you already took her off?

haha, okay.  I'd probably drop her.  Just tell her your relationship isn't where you thought it would be and you don't feel it would benefit either one of you in this stressful time.  I know.. easier said than done..

Answer 12

Wait, you tried to help her out during her time of need and she's treating you like this?! :-O I think it's best to talk to her in as nice a way as possible (you want to be the better person) and tell her that you think it's best for both of you if she wasn't part of your wedding party. Obviously, she's not taking this seriously.

Good luck to you!

Answer 13

This topic is very personal to me because I just recently went through something similar.  However, I was the bridesmaid.

The Bride and I were only friends for 3 years, not 10 like you and your friend, but 2 of those years she has been engaged.  Over these 2 years I saw a side of her that I never would have expected.  She completely changed and instead of being the caring, easy going, laid back friend that I knew, she became a snobbish, self-centered taker.  Everything was "you can do this for me", "you can buy me this", "you need to do this".  She demanded that we buy $400 bridesmaid dresses, take days off of work to do things for her, meet every Wednesday to work on wedding things (every wednesday for 2 years, is a LOT of time to commit!), etc.  And when I approached her about it, I was accused of trying to make everything about me and not respecting her special day.  (However, her "special day" was lasting 2 years!)

I finally decided that the only way that we would ever possibly save our friendship was if I took myself out of her wedding.  I knew that if I continued to stick around that I would only get more and more resentful about it and that is no way to be a friend.  So, I bowed out.  I told her that I really hoped that her day went well, that I wished the best for her, that I still care about her, and that I would love to be in attendance at their wedding.  She told me that I was selfish and that we were no longer friends, not to bother coming to the wedding.

So, ... my only advice to you is, if you are going to do this, please sit down and think about it first.  Is she really acting differently to you?  Or is she responding to the way you are acting to her?  I'm not accusing you of being like my friend, but we all have to realize that sometimes things that are REALLY important to us, aren't that important to other people... and weddings are one of those things.  It is YOUR wedding and you want it to be perfect, that is understandable, but it probably isn't her #1 priority.  that doesn't make her a bad person, it is just the way it is.  

BUT, if you can look at your friendship objectivly and honestly say that she isn't a friend to you, hasn't been there for a while, and the balance isn't equal in your "give and take" relationship, the I say remove her from your wedding.  The people that stand up there with you should think the world of you.  They should be people that you can't imagine doing this without.  And they should be people that you will maintain friendships with long after the "I do's".

You have a difficult decision on your hands.  Good luck.

and CONGRATULATIONS on your big day!