I got into a fight with my husband and left with the kids?

Question

my husband and I fight alot due to the fact he is miserable. Ever since he lost his job he turned to drinking and drugs that has made everything worse. I finally stood up for myself and finally left and now he is crying that he is going to change. I am very confused cause I feel like the past 10 years of my life has been like this and no change. I love him very much but I don't like his destructive behavior. He has an anger issue also and blows up over anything I say to him to try and help his problem. He always tells me I am not his mom. I don't know if I should go back or try to move on. I am staying with my Mother now and that's hard to being out of my home.... any advice???

Answer 1

you are setting a bad example for your kids by accepting this behavior for so long.  you did the right thing to leave.  by leaving, it will shock him into deciding what is more important, his family or the drugs and drinking.

he will likely want you back, and your job is to tell him that he must go to drug/alcohol rehab if he wants you back.  if you want to get back with him, set the rules about the rehab thing, that he has to complete the program and then attend nightly meetings.

your actions (leaving) might be the best thing that ever happened to him.  he needs to clean up his act and get sober, for his own sake, and for the children.

it's hard, but you did what you had to do, and it was the right thing to do.  now just be patient and see what the future holds for you both.  hopefully he will agree to treatment in order to get his family back.  and you can tell him that you will not come back until the end of this year, and only then if he has been "clean" for that entire time.  you can't let him promise to do rehab and then have him just relapse or quit the program as soon as you move back in, it takes some time to commit to sobriety.

Answer 2

I agree, you did the right thing by leaving. As long as you are there and letting this go on you are enabling him. Maybe he needs to hit rock bottom before he can realize what he's doing to himself, you and your kids. You now have to concentrate on your children, because right now is when they are going to need you the most. There will be alot of changes for them but with your love and support, they will get through this hopefully without any lasting scars. As far as your husband is concerned, he will need professional help for the drugs. It will be a long hard road but if he wants you and your children back in his life, he will be willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish this. If he doesn't get help, then all he will do is continue to drag you down with him and your children deserve a better chance for a normal life than that. Do whatever it takes to protect your children from his chosen lifestyle. They deserve better!

Answer 3

You done the right thing by leaving him, for you and for the kids. I would not go back. Your kids should not be subject to his drinking and drug problem and I am surprised that you let it go for this long. I am sure it is hard on you to hear him cry and beg, especially if you love him. But everytime you wander if you made the right choice or not, you need to look at your children and that will be your answer.  

Answer 4

Why did you leave!  He's the one that caused the problem so he's the one that should have been kicked out!  Now the children are suffering because their parents can't get it together!

You should only be thinking about the children, not him.  He's acting like a total loser and your children shouldn't have to grow up in that atmosphere.

I would threaten him saying that you're not going to trust the fact that he said he was going to change, because he promised that before and never happened.   Tell him that the only thing that would make you take him back is if he changes first!  Then you will decide if he is the life you want for you and the children.  You have to say the only thing that will make you come back to him is if he gets a job, stops drinking, etc and treats you with love, respect, trust, communication and he does anything to make you happy.

  

Answer 5

tell your husband that if he really loves you... he should voluntarily go to a rehabilitation...

Answer 6

intervention for husband and just tell him how much this is hurting you and your kids and if he really loves his family he will stop for good  

Answer 7

Economic times are difficult now.  A lot of people are out of jobs.  Even us working folks are struggling.  Money and tempers are short right now.  This shouldn't be the reason for your break-up.  Things will pick up soon enough.  Consider this one of those "for worse" times.

Answer 8

Don't go back until after he gets the help he needs.

When you see a deference by what he does not by what he says.

As far as staying with your mom; make sure you help out as much as you can, doing dishes, taking out trash, sweeping ect. Try to make it to where your mom does not have to do anything for you. Try as hard as you can to save enough money move out on your own.

Answer 9

Give him one more chance... I mean after all he is your husband and your kids father. Maybe he will change. People change after it hits them hard. My dad always got into fights with my mom for the same reason as you guys did. My dad always told my my that she wasent his  mom and then it got bigger from there. They stopped talking for about 2 years and then my dad exploded, he wanted my mom back and his son(me). So my mom decided to give him one more chance. And WOW my dad did change he was so much nicer to my mom and he just showed his love for her. Untill this day my dad has been a better person, its been 4 years that he's came back with us and even a better person. Give him ONE more chance. Talk to him and tell him how you feel so he knows. Good luck..