I got married but didnt have a wedding, but I really wanted a wedding, and i think about it everyday...?

Question

It bothers me, what should i do?

Answer 1

Get re-married. Renew your vows, but this time, host it like a wedding, and a reception and all.

Answer 2

I know how you feel. I was married at my mother-n-laws house and it was a nice simple ceremony. Because of time and money we didn't have the wedding I wanted.. My husband promised if we made it to 10 years we would re-new our vowes and have the wedding that I missed. Well 10 years went by, then 15 years weny by, then he finally agreed to do it at twenty years.It was a rocky 20 years I must say! Well I jumped in to planning and was so excited and then 1 year before it was to happen he started fighting with me about nothing. The fight went on for days. I knew it was because of the wedding and that hurt me so bad. I decided if he didn't love and respect me enough to keep his promise to me I didn't want to do the renewal at all. I was taking classes at the local community college so I ask him if it would be ok if we canceled the ceremony because the money was tight and I would have to cancel my classes to pay for the ceremony and reception. He was so supportive of me staying in school, which he never wanted me to do, it was sickening. I think every woman that wants a wedding that they've dreamed of should have one. I promise you will  not regret it. Three years after we were to re-new our vows we separated. Nothing to do with the unbroken promise, I was tired of being married but being alone. I do feel that the broken promise made me unhappy and with drawn. It takes two to make it and break it.  I say have your wedding as soon as you can because I really believe it will make your committment to each other stronger. Good luck and READY< SET< GET STARTED, NOW!!!!  Email me and I would love to maybe give some advice or suggestions. Also about two years ago I remarried and had my perfect wedding. You will not be sorry when you do it.

You will be just as married now as you will be afterwards, but you will feel,, I don't know ,it will be better.

email addy:  [e-mail]

Answer 3

why did you not have a wedding? was it your choice? your hubbye choice? families choice?

whatever the choice, maybe you should talk about renewing your vows. if you rreally want it... save long an hard and treat it as your original wedding day..... love,honour and obey and have the time of your life... every girl deserves to be a princess for at least one day... so go for it.

Answer 4

get over it.  They are really expensive and you probably wont have fun at your own wedding.  But if you cant get over it, you could have a wedding while renewing your vows.

Answer 5

I am sorry...the ship has sailed on having a wedding. You CAN have a renewal of vows.

You can have a pretty dress -- even a white one -- but not a huge gown with a train.

You can each have one attendant -- but not five or six bridesmaids.

No bachelorette or shower of course but you can invite the girls over for a brunch/cocktails and pizza/whatever.

You can have about as big a party as you want with cake and everything -- as long as the cake does not have a bride or groom on top.

If you do it up tastefully you can have most anything you would want -- but no veil or tossing of the garter or anything else that is strictly bridal. There is a reason a wedding is special and once-in-a-lifetime (at least for each marriage!) -- it is because being a bride is unique to getting married and you do not get a full do-over.

But as I said you can have a lot of the elements of having a wedding without being a bride.

Have fun!

Answer 6

On your anniversary renew your vows and invite all your friends and family, make it as formal as you want.

You could even have a cocktail theme!

Answer 7

Ok, some of the responses on here are just rude... you should just ignore those. You have every right to feel the way that you do. Sometimes we make decisions that we think are the right ones at the moment and later on we wish that we hadn't. That's completely normal. You got married yes, but as you said you never had that big wedding you wanted. A co worker of mine got pregnant when she was young and she and her bf couldn't afford a wedding at the time so they just got married at city hall. However, ten years and 2 kids later they had their big church wedding with their children as the ring bearer and flower girl...and it was a celebration of their 10 years together.

If this still bothers you, then I say go for it. Send out invitations and call it a renewal of the vows ceremony and celebration. Get yourself that pretty dress and have a great time. Congratulations!

EDIT: I just saw that someone had previously said you shouldn't have a wedding dress because this won't be a wedding and not to have a bridal party. Well, I think that's just BS. Who writes these etiquette books anyway? Who's to tell you how to love your life? Do what makes YOU happy.My co worker who did the renewal of the vows had a bridal party and the fancy dress. If that's what you want... go for it ... big dress, tiara, flowers, bridal party, limo., the whole s**+ bang. You had your reasons for not doing this the first time around and I'm sure they were good reasons. But now, your feelings have changed. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what you really want, cause you'll just regret down the road again. I you're gonna do it, do what you want and if that means going all out, then so be it.

Answer 8

If you got married, then you had a wedding. You just didn't have a big, blowout, fancy-shmanzy reception like you see on television. So, now what? You have a big party, renew your vows, and then.....in two years when you see another style of dress or another reception that looks like more fun, are you going to want to have another reception? The thing is - if you are MATURE ENOUGH to decide to get married, you should be mature enough to decide if you want a little ceremony that you can afford, or if you want to wait and have a big reception. And then, after the decision is made, you have to be mature enough to stick with that decision and be happy. If you are continually wishing "what if", "perhaps" or if you are always feeling regret over your choices, then you will never, ever be a happy person in life.

Answer 9

Hi.

I'm sorry, but I must agree with these posters:  amyhpete; kazacan4; and keezymama.

You DID have a wedding.  Whatever it was when you said your vows was a wedding.  

I am so sorry that you are now regretting it, but for whatever reason (finances, family pressure, medical insurance.....whatever), that was your choice.

There are no do-overs in anything else in life.  I don't understand why "married" women think they can have a do-over wedding if the first one wasn't what they wanted.

DO have a renewal of vows if you want.

DO wear a simple white dress if you want.

DO have a church ceremony if you want.

Just keep things simple and elegant!  It is NOT a wedding.  That is the big difference.  There will be no bridesmaids or groomsmen (as you are not a bride and groom).  You shouldn't have a big poofy dress, a bridal shower and bachelorette party.  Sorry...but those things are gone.

You can, as I said, however, have a renewal of vows ceremony and an anniversary party, though.  Just follow the proper etiquette for that and don't turn it into a wedding.

Answer 10

Are you missing the wedding ceremony? Why? Did you have a small ceremony at the mayor's office and now you wish you did it at a church? Or are you missing the reception with your friends and family.

If you want a church wedding, you probably can still get one. I know that some churches (my experience being with the Catholic church) don't really recognize the state marriage. They only consider you married if they perform the ceremony. Most of them will be happy to marry you again.

If your missing the reception, well that's easy to fix. Have a fantastic party. Get a fabulous dress. Get a DJ, photographer, the works. Alot of people who have destination weddings will have big parties after the fact for all the people who couldn't travel  with them to the ceremony

Regrets are terrible things. This can be rectified pretty easily.

Good luck!

Answer 11

You should get over it and stop obsessing. You had a choice to get a wedding vs. just married.  There are more important things in life.  Your marriage, for instance.  If you want to get dressed up, plan for a renewal of vows on your 10th anniversary.

Answer 12

On your anniversary , renew your vows and have your wedding!!!Congrats

Answer 13

You did have a wedding - just not the one the you think you wanted.