I had a miscarriage, im feeling so sad...?

Question

my husband and i found out we were pregnant, we knew i was 5 weeks along... i started to bleed lightly and then more heavily, then terrible pain.. went to the ER .. had a miscarriage and a d&c... its been only 6 days and i go from being ok and smiling even laughing then i remember what happened and i feel guilty about being happy then i start to cry. two days ago i cried for hours and hours... i dont know how i feel sometimes... this pregnancy was not planned but my husband and i have been married for 4 years and we are in our early 20's. i feel guilty because when i found out i was pregnant i felt so scared even doomed because we still hadn't traveled enough but then we got so so excited! my husband and i love each other so much (sometimes i think its a dream) i got excited about our little love child.. we thought of names, we were excited about our due date, looked at so many baby related items.. i bought pregnancy books to read, pregnancy keepsake books, i got a journal to write in all my feelings,thoughts,&experiences and now i dont know what to do.. i put all that stuff away so i dont have to see it but im still so sad. sometimes i feel stupid because i was only 5 weeks pregnant sometimes i feel guilty because my husband and i agreed that we should wait a while maybe years to try again. does anyone have any advice? or experiences to share?

Answer 1

Oh I am so sorry. I have been through that too. It is the worst feeling ever. There were days when I was happy then days were I was sad and cried. Lots of things were going through my head. Just remember it's not your fault. I was 7 weeks pregnant and had an u.s., then a couple days there was no baby. It will get better. I will pray for you and your husband.

Answer 2

I know what your going through. I had a miscarriage about 9-10 months ago. I was so upset too, i had told our 2 1/2 year old at the time we were having another baby and then he was at the doctors with me when i had the mc and he cried with me. It was so horrible my husband and i thought that our son was all we were meant to have and was scared to go through that again. Now we are pregnant again and I am putting my trust in God. Everything happens for a reason and maybe it wasn't time or there would have been something wrong with your child you wouldn't have been able to handle. I know its hard to deal with but i hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I was about 6 weeks as well and a lot of the time when it happens that early the egg and sperm just genetically didn't come together right. Keep your head up and know that God knows whats best for you and if its meant to happen, you will have a child.

Answer 3

I have been in the same situation as you.  My husband and I were not planning on having a child because we were going to travel through Europe for 2 years first.  We are both 26 and were planning on moving to London this month.  When I found out I was pregnant I was so shocked, and scared as well.  I got all the books read them from front to back and was so excited about my pregnancy.  I started going through names and plans for the nursery.  Then we miscarried at 9.5 weeks.  I was so upset.  That was a month ago and it is still hard.  We went back to "not trying" but I dont want to go to Europe anymore.  We are going just for a vacation for 2 weeks.  Honestly if my husband said yes I would much rather be pregnant and have a baby then to travel again.  I think it changes you when you realize you are going to be a mother.  Then to have it taken away is devastating.  It gets better with time though.  Just remember that when you miscarry that early there is nothing that can be done to prevent it, and it is almost always because the egg or sperm was deficient and would not have developed into a healthy baby.  Everything you are feeling is normal.  I am very sorry for your loss, it is very very hard.

Answer 4

I know that having a miscarriage is very hard, as i have had 2. One right after the other. Both times it was nothing that i did to make this happen and yet somehow i thought it was. I know now that it wasn't my fault and there was nothing i could do to prevent it from happening. It is normal for you to feel sad about losing a baby. Even though you were not very far along, this was still your child.

To help me say goodbye, i put a few things i had gotten already into a small baby box and put the baby's last name and due date on the box. I still have the box, its in my bedside table drawer. You dont have to ignore that it ever happened, you can cry as much as you need to, you can laugh, smile, do whatever you feel. there is no need to feel guilty or stupid.

We decided to let things happen the way they were meant to happen and now I'm almost 38 weeks along. There will be a time for you and your husband to have a child and when it happens you will be overjoyed.

Good luck to both of you and i hope this helped you.

Answer 5

It's a sad thing what happened, but you cant feel guilty you shouldn't. There was nothing you could have done. Things happen for a reason and only god knows why. Move on with your life and don't feel guilty for being happy. Sorry for your loss but nothing could have been done and it was not your fault know that.

Answer 6

Maybe years to try for another baby isn't what you need.  I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks with my second pregnancy and didn't conceive again for another year and a half it was hard to deal with but you just have to think you have a baby in heaven and it's waiting for you.  You never know maybe something would have been wrong with the baby or something would have happened that would be far worse than this.  You never know but everything happens for a reason I know it's hard but the best thing you can do is talk with your husband.

Answer 7

I'm sorry for what happened to you. As a mother,I want to tell you when you and your husband is ready to have s*x, it will happen. This happened to a good friend of mine.She didn't wait years,she waited months.Just take your time

Answer 8

First of all I'm soo Sorry to hear that I can imagine what that must feeling

and i wish you the best

God Bless you and your family

Answer 9

Omg, I'm so sorry for your loss..I know how bad you feel. I misscarried as well in june '07,my first pregnancy. I remember how excited I was to get that positive test,and how scared I was when I realized I was gonna be a mom. I never did know how far a long I was b/c I didn't chart when I started and ended my periods so I was scheduled for a ultrasound to find out how far along I was. The morning of my ultrasound I woke up bleeding,and was told to stay off my feet and just wait until my 2:30 appointment b/c ultrasound was the only way to tell what was wrong. Well,they did the ultrasound and didn't find anything but some left over tissue..so when I was told I misscarried I was devistated. Apparently I was only a month or so along. I cried for days..I was crushed,and felt robbed..empty inside.

I eventually ended up getting pregnant 4 months later,and I just had my little girl 2 months ago.

Either way don't feel stupid or feel quilty b/c you had a loss and you have every right to grieve! It will get better with time,I promise..and I wish you luck in the future!

Answer 10

Don't feel stupid.  Most of us start to fall in love with our babies from the minute we first suspect we could be pregnant.  Once you have that positive pregnancy test, it only takes minutes for that feeling of wonder and that incredible love to flood every particle of your being. Even when we have them only a short time, we still love them.  Nothing makes that love or that excitement or that eagerness, or that crushing sorrow we feel when we lose one, any less valid.

The joy and excitement and happiness and love you felt for this pregnancy were real feelings.  The sorrow and grief you feel now are also real feelings.  You're allowed to grieve.  You're allowed to cry.  You're allowed to be sad for what might have been.  And anybody who tells you otherwise needs to just stay away for a while.  

Once upon a time, a woman at 5 weeks wouldn't even have known she was pregnant because there weren't any pregnancy tests sensitive enough to diagnose it.  So her miscarriage would have just seemed like a late period, maybe a little more cramping and bleeding that normal, but it still would have just been a period to her.  Doctors used to estimate that as many as 25% of all pregnancies ended in miscarriage but that most of those happened before a woman knew she was pregnant.  Now that our tests are so much more accurate, so much earlier, they may have to revise that number.  

So you aren't alone, by any stretch of the imagination.  Many of us have miscarried during our weeks, before we had ever shared the news.  And you know, those early miscarriages usually mean that there was something not right with the pregnancy and this was a baby who was not going to live.  Nothing you did caused the miscarriage, and nothing could have prevented it.  

But now you know that you are definitely fertile.  That's a good thing to know.  Your chances of getting pregnant again are really good.  Did your doctor tell you how long to wait?  If not, call him and ask.  Three months seems to be a fairly common waiting time after a miscarriage before trying again, but occasionally a doctor will have a reason for wanting a particular woman to wait a little longer.  Then it's up to you and your husband as to when you want to try again.  

Cry all you need, and then start looking forward.  Good luck to you, sweetie.

Answer 11

Don't worry about it you are still young.  I had a miscarriage and a D&C happen to me when I first try to have a baby.  It was devastating at first but then you overcome it by thinking about the future and your goals.  Maybe it wasn't meant to be just yet and when you are mentally and financially ready God will give you that child.  Good luck  

Answer 12

We don't always know the reason things happen but I truly believe that they happen for a reason. There is nothing you have done any differently that would have created a different outcome. I am sorry for your loss. You and your husband will have a healthy/ beautiful baby in the future.  

Answer 13

I'm so sorry for your loss..That must be an awful thing having a miscarriage.  Good luck in the future if you decide to have another one.