I had my child retained in the third grade..................?

Question

and now she thinks she is dumb. I know by all means she is not. How can I help her self-esteem and what can I do to help her through this hard time in school? She is being retained due to ADD(curentley not on meds attempting to try low doses of meds during summer to watch how she reacts) and also has spastic paraplegia(walks with a bad limp, one leg longer than the other, can not move hips but to a certain degree and leg muscles are very taught) kids constanley tease her but the principal told me kids will be kids. I truely believe she needs to mature. What can I do to help her self-esteem? What can I do to help her during this transition? I talked with her and she is very angery right now and only sees the short term effects. As a parent I know I am doing the right thing! The school is also trying to make me feel I am doing wrong! HELP PLS!!!!

She also passed her EOG testing with a 3 and her IQ test is normal but her grades are failing I am so confused!!!

Answer 1

holding your kid back is always a mistake. unless the kid is exceptionally unable to learn. something liek that, will affect the kids self esteem all through high school. think about it, they are a year behind their other age group? how dumb am i? this is what they constantly think. kids will call them dumb, and in her later years they will laugh because they will say "too dumb to pass the 3rd grade" i had a few freidns in high school who failed grade 3 , one grade 4. it is not a good idea.

why not instead get her a tooter?

if the principal says "kids will be kids" he is a worthless sac of.....pardon me. but that is truely worthless. does he not understand the h**l kids who get teased go through? that is unbelievable, why is this guy a principal? if he is this useless, let him go collect cans on the street.

as for self esteem. idk, something like that, woudl take almost a miracle, because i knwo that i was picked on in school as a kid and in high school for being, chubby, and mexican, and stuff liek that, girls would say omg hes gross, hes a greasy mexican, stuff liek that, and i never did get that confidence and self esteem back. its like when the opposite s*x moves across the hallway becuase the mexican kid is coming, that really shatters you as a person, and im sorry to say in this case its worse than that. so i really dont know what to tell you.

but you should defianatly tell that principal to smarten up. what you should do is call the school board, and thell them that you dont want your duaghter to deal with this at school because she is dealing with enough in her young life. force them to help you. IT IS THEIR JOB TO DEAL WITH STUFF LIKE THAT! they are the ones responsible for the well being of the school, and its students!

you know what if you called the school council and appropriatly dealed with it, you could have the principle written up for this. its his job to ensure, or at least try, to make the school a bully free zone. "kids will be kids"

does he realize, becuase of his uselessness, kids get shot over bullying? .....im sorry this angers me. im gonna stop blabbing , i hope i helped in some way at least though.

Answer 2

That's a tough decision.  Are there any better alternatives? Tutoring?  Even transferring to a different school where she can make a fresh start as a 3rd grader?  Being left behind without your peers (even little weasels that tease and taunt) can be very demoralizing for an 8-9 year old.   Academically she may need the extra year, but you overall decision may hurt her chances of succeeding even more.  Please re-consider and look for alternatives.

Answer 3

Okay first of all ignore all the idiots that seem to think they know what they're talking about cause they don't.

Your her mother if you think it was in her best interest to remain in 3rd grade then don't let anyone tell you different.  Schools now a days are just so eager to pass kids along they don't really care if they fully know and understand the material or not they'll just gladly push them along so keeping her back will help her learn at her own pace.

      I feel so bad for your poor little girl sounds like she really has a lot of stuff to deal with and at such a young age, and the school is right kids will be kids but you know what kids can be mean sometimes... I'm sure we can all recall how some were when we were growing up.  This is just merely suggestion but have you thought about maybe home schooling her just temporarily of course until her confidence is up and a break from being picked on might just do the trick and w/ a private tutor she could really have the oppertunity to work up to her full potential especially since it'll be completely one on one then when she feels more confident she could try public school again.  Just a thought.

As far as you decissions so far though I don't think anyone should judge you their not in your shoes if they were things would be very different.  Do what you feel is best for your daughter your motherly instincts are rarely going to stear you wrong... Hope everything works out and tell your daughter to keep her chin up things will get better.

Oh just a thought also to help boost her confidence and seld-esteem try doing a lot of things w/ her that she's really good at when she see's how well she's going she'll have more confidence in herself and want to try new things. Good luck!

Answer 4

Just make sure that you tell her that she is not the only being retained and make sure that you tell her she is not alone.

mention that it is not her fault. if she doesnt understand just make her feel guilty like okay if you are going to keep this up then i am not even going to try any more and you can just go to your room.

Hope it all works out okay.

Answer 5

My mom did the same thing with me. We moved to a new town the summer after I completed 6th grade. Instead of putting me in 7th grade in the fall, my mother enrolled me in 6th again.

I had a tough year the first time around in 6th grade. My grades were ok, but I had missed a lot of school due to health problems.

My mother explained to me that she didn't think I was ready for the 7th grade yet because of the other kids, not because of me. She said that 7th grade was different and that the kids were more mature, so she thought I should spend some more time enjoying being a kid before I had to deal with all of that.

It was tough at first, and I was angry with her. But I eventually figured out that she did the right thing by me. I am now a mature, confident woman pursuing two Master's degrees.

Your daughter will be ok, and you are doing the right thing.

Answer 6

It sounds to be that you're a bit confused.

1. If you really understood things, you would know that ADD is a myth and would certainly not consider abusing her with "meds."

2. If you really were taking her education to the ultimate level, you wouldn't have her in that dumb school system and would be teaching her yourself, although this is not PC, worldly advice.

Answer 7

Oh My!! Poor thing!! No wonder her grades are slipping...she sounds like a smart girl...she just can't handle the teasing.  The kids seemed to have found triggers to stir up her emotions and hurt her. I understand kids will be kids...but that principal handled it completely wrong. The parents of the students all need to be contacted, and this needs to stop. Your daughter has just as much right as everyone else to go to school and have a good day. ( and be comfortable) Try finding what her passion is...horses, marine biology, nature, etc....Put her in a summer program where she can meet new people, become disciplined all while growing up doing what she loves. There are several horse camps, and I have enrolled my daughter in a summer program at our local community college where I attend also. The prices are reasonable...and she gets to meet people outsiude the county, and make new friends. Horses, maine biology camp, future rangers of America, kararte, etc....are all fun, but teach your children discipline and responsibility. Plus she will make friends that she can visit periodically or become pen pals with. This MAY create a little bit of a bumper for her emotions...she will feel that she is successful in somthing. But I would not let that principal just ignore this....that is SOOOO not right...so do not give up if it continues. Good luck with the meds...Kudos for you trying to lessen the doses!  

P.S.  Once you find what she is passionate about this summer...next school year tell her..."If you want to go back to ----------- next summer, you have to keep your grades up!" And work with her. Getting good grades is as much your responsibility as hers!!

Answer 8

Your situation is difficult.  You seem like a loving mother.  It hurts when your child is not happy.  Find her a hobby so she can join a group and feel a part of something.  Due to her situation sports may not be an option.  How about swimming ?  Does she have a pet?  My daughter will play fetch with dog in the yard for hours.  Labs are the best breed.  The first year is tough but after that they are loyal and fun loving animals.  Although she is young have her get involved with cooking the family meals. My children get very proud when they cook up some of their crazy concoctions !!!

You can also get her involved with a church choir or other things to do for the church.  Piano lessons or any instrument can help express her feelings.  God Bless hope all goes well.  Kids are cruel but young people have to find what they like to do and stick with it !!!!

Answer 9

iff she is failing good call... she will succeed better later. just keep her confidence up and be really nice to her!

Answer 10

Sounds like a pretty tough situation.  I think, from what you have described, that you are doing the right thing.

I think I would talk to the principal about this whole situation.  

1)  Remind the principal that his/her responsibility is to provide your child with a conducive learning environment.  If your child is being picked on for any reason, this could be a major detractor from her studies.  Get in their face, about an inch or two off their nose; let them know you mean business.

2)  Are you working with your daughter?  Are you making sure she is bringing her assignments home?  Do you make time to help her with any problems she may have?  Re-examine yourself and see if you have been doing everything you need to be doing as a parent.

3)  Keep in close relations with her teachers.  The better you know the teacher you will be aware of what is expected of your daughter by that particular teacher.  There are all kinds of different teachers and teaching techniques.  Know what your daughter is dealing with, it may not be her!

4)  Stand firm in your decision.  You may be wrong but you need to do what you think is right for your child at this time.  Being a parent is tough, and part of it is making decisions that are not always popular.

Praying couldn’t hurt either ;)

Edit:  Easy stacy_j... some people do try to help here.  What you must realize is since you are posting this to the whole world your going to get a world worth of opinion.  It's up to you to sort it out.

Answer 11

I would talk all this over with the Guidance counselor and her Doctor, if the EOG's are good but failing in the classromm, could be teacher, ( we had that problem with my son), and having some physical abnormalities, will automatically lower her self esteem, to where she will feel like a failure, I would talk it over with those people and get some input from them.

Answer 12

I thought I should be holding my now 3rd grader back a year this year. I thought it last year as well.

We are also starting my daughter on meds for ADD.

The doctor and the counselor are in the process right now of figuring out what to start with.

I am going to see how my daughter does on the meds and through this next school year.

She did pass IQ tests at the lower end. But she has ridden the pass/fail line all year for 1.5 school years now.

If it happens again through next year I will push for her to be held back.

Schools will disagree because of no child left behind act. They get penalized because of it and it costs them money!

Answer 13

Bless her

Answer 14

well simple answer, i dont think you should retain your child. if she passed school then she should go the next grade up. that is NOT good for her, especialy with her condition. i suggest you rethink this. and she is smart enough if her iq is normal, that doesnt mean she will do good in school. it could be purpously, or just because of her condition. you will only cause her to take longer in life if you do not let her succeed on her own, so if she passed school you have no rright to retain her, weather the grades arent good or not. do you realize how many kids have horrible grades? blessings