I had to do a essay on my ideal husband but i need to make revisions like grammatical and anything that you...?

Question

think needs to be added or cut out just let me know thanks.

A Fairy Tale Husband

Imagine walking down the aisle to get married. You are dressed in an elegant flowing white dress; your hair in long golden curls, bouncing with every step, and your father at your side trying to hold back his tears, while the two of you are gracefully walking towards your soon to be husband. As you are walking down the aisle looking into the eyes of your soon to be husband, you realize he is not that great looking, his personality is not friendly, and he is so hateful to all of your family members that you’re the only one who enjoys his company. At this moment in time, you realize that he is not your ideal husband. You wanted your husband to be good looking, have a personality that is irresistible, and you want him to be very family oriented.

Tall, dark, and handsome is a saying that you may have heard about a “good looking” man. I would like for my ideal husband to be tall, preferably over six foot five. The reason I would like such a tall guy is because I am short, five foot two and having a taller man would make up for my shortness. I would also like my husband to have a little bit of meat on him, so when I cook food he is not worried about his weight. This will give me more flexibility with my cooking. In order for my husband to be ideal, he would have to have a nice dress style. In order for him to have a good dress style he will have to dress preppy which includes: polo’s, rainbows, and Ralph Lauren clothes. Anything that Abercrombie models wear would be an excellent ideal husband for me. Something else that would attribute a good looking man would be a man that has a great personality.

To me, a great personality must contain a person who is reliable and passionate. By being reliable he needs to be ten or fifteen minutes early to everything. The reason I feel that my husband should be early to everything is so that everyone will know that he is a reliable person and also just in case he is late; people, especially his employers, will know that it was for a good reason and not just because he is a lazy person. Also I would want my husband to be reliable financially. I am not a “gold digger” but I feel like in order for me to be happy my husband should be able to support himself and his family, although I would be helping him work. An example on why I would want him to be financially stable is because my father always had things coming up with my brother and I, and his money would never stay in his bank account. In life things come up and it’s easier to have two salaries helping pay things, than one salary and a part time job. A man must also be reliable emotionally. All sorts of things in life happen, and for me I always need some one there to lean on. It is not easy when you are going through a hard time and your husband is being rude about things. I feel like he needs to be sympathetic and helpful with some situations such as: deaths with animals or humans, kids growing up, surgeries, and just sometimes breakdowns. Trust is something else that is needed in a husband. If you do not trust someone how can you expect to live with them, and them knowing all of your bank accounts and things like that. My mother lived in a marriage where both of them did not trust the other and it tore them apart; sure they loved each other but sometimes love and passion is just not enough.

Passion is loving something with more than your heart; you should also love it with your soul. Many people say that they are passionate for dogs; this means that they would do anything for their dogs and they could never abuse or disown any kind of dog, no matter what he/she did. I would want my idyllic husband to be passionate for me. I would want him to be passionate about s*x. I would not want a husband who married me just because of s*x. I would not like to be a “booty call”. I would like for it to be making love instead of just s******g around. I would like for him to come home and just ravish me like they do in the movies, with slow kisses, and then just slowly making our way in to the s*x scene, and then taking it slowly. This does not mean I would not like for it be spontaneous and sometimes adventurous just most of the time I would like to have passionate love, that way he shows me in a sexual way that our love is still as young as it was when we first started. But I would also like my model husband to passionate in other ways such as being passionate about his job. I would want him to always want to go to work and not complain about how he hates his job. This would cause a lot of relief in the household, because people who like their jobs tend to move up on the ladder a whole lot faster than the people who do not like their jobs. Another way that he could show his passion is by being family oriented.

When I am married I would ideally like to have five kids, if not more. Therefore he would want to have lots of kids and be fond of kids also

Answer 1

Lovely dream. Good for you for having high standards.

I would break it into more paragraphs and split up some of the long sentences.

Remember this rule. If it starts with a prepositional phrase like your second to last sentence add a comma after the phrase.  I have done this and shortened it by taking out unnecessary words.

When I am married, I want to have five or more kids. He would be fond of children and want to have many also.

Also try to avoid starting all the sentences with I or this. You can do this by rearranging sentences like I have done below.

Always going to work, he would not complain about his job. If he does this, then he would cause relief at home and move up the corporate ladder faster. Delete than the the people who do not like their jobs.

Hope this helps. Best wishes.