I had to write a peom all i have is this so far; if u dont like dont comment?

Question

its called " america place for me"

america is a place to be

place to live, and place to love.

to show our freedom and wealthy,

america is a place for me.

;; if u dont like dont comment

i would like it if yall gave me like ideas on what to write

thanks alot

Answer 1

I think really good

Answer 2

its good except when it came to wealthy... and anyways america is soo totally not a place to be cuz it allowes any old hill billy to run the place and all the country does is think of it self higher then the other countrys....

Answer 3

Well first, let me say this: ff you want to grow as a respected writer, I'd recommend that you accept constructive criticism. You won't learn much just hearing simple compliments.

I would say it's a great start for a neat patriotic poem, I like where you're going with this. I'm going to assume basic grammar and spelling will be fixed in the final draft, but good job!

Answer 4

make it longer.  you should make either change love to rhyme with be or change me to rhyme with love like" Looked over by God above"

Answer 5

I'd change "a" to "the"



America is the place to be

the place to live, the place to love

the place of freedom and liberty

America is the place for me



How's that?

Answer 6

I like the title and theme.

I think it flowed nicely until reaching the word 'wealthy'.  Kind of did not flow with the rest of it.

Answer 7

Being that I recently wrote my first poem as well, I understand your nervousness and inability to receive constructive criticism, but it will enable you to hone your skills. If you're in school, make it a point to ask for advice from your teacher; your willingness to improve and learn will improve their opinion of you and your grade.

That aside, I understand your point; your patriotism is touching, however,   what you're looking for to take it to the next level are three things: 1. Depth and 2. Diction.  and 3. Elaboration. Start by better understanding what you've already written, as sometimes our emotions are accidentally expressed by simple phrases. Secondly, don't be afraid to explore new words (don't forget to have someone proof read for error though); they will enhance your message and provide an enjoyable challenge for the reader. Thirdly, whatever emotions you have explored in depth, elaborate on them. Don't hesitate to take one or two connected ideas and explore them. Remember, it doesn't have to be a universal truth for it to be relevant.

Good Luck!