I had to write an essay on how cliques influence teens, do you think this sounds good?

Question

Children in middle school have developed a society on their own. This society accepts some children and rejects other; scarring people for life. The people at the highest point in this society are the “popular kids.” “Popular kids” are what every teenager strives to be because they give off the illusion that they are perfect. They create an impossible standard for “regular kids” to try and meet. These popular kids will tease and scorn the people who they believe do not belong in their group. These cliques of “popular kids” can completely take away a person’s individuality. Sometimes these groups make other kids feel so bad that they end up hating themselves.

Popular kids will pick on other kids that they deem social outcasts. A lot of the time, popular kids are just trying to make themselves feel better by picking on other kids. A kid can teased for anything, even things they have no control over. If a child is obese because they have never been taught to eat properly; that is not the child fault. The popular kids will surely tease that child because they want to feel better about themselves. Popular kids will often target one child, and not a group, because it is easier to make one person feel bad about themselves than an entire group of children. One way to fight against popular kids or bullies is to always stay with a group; there is safety in numbers.

Suicide is the number one killer of teenagers. Many factors have lead to the rise in teen suicide but one critical reason is the constant teasing in high schools. Constant teasing has led to teenagers feeling depressed and alone in the world. These teenagers feel like there is no hope in the world and feel the only way out is suicide. Many teenagers feel they are “labeled” by the popular kids. They have a reputation they can never get rid and the reputation can be the complete opposite of what is true. Reputations that are negative, like that a girl sleeps around, can ruin someone’s life. Than there is damage that the person may never recover from and they might need to seek professional help.

Being popular can take away a person’s individuality. When you join a clique you are silently agreeing to the clique’s rule and traditions. In a way a clique is like a cult, in the sense that you conform to the group rather your own personal needs. In a clique, there is always someone telling you what to do. There is a certain way you have to speak or certain clothes you can wear. You make one slight mistake and you are criticized for it by your peers. Being part of a clique determines if you are truly are leader of follower.

Many people in cliques are truly out to get their peers. A popular member of a clique might decide it will be funny to embarrass a “social reject”. The popular member might pretend to be the other child’s friend and find out secrets about them. Than the popular member might spread these secrets over school and make life miserable for their peer. In middle school rumors have always spread like wildfire. One vicious rumor can ruin a person’s reputation whether the rumor is true or not. A rumor might be spread just because one person has a grudge against another person.

Cliques can rule a high school and make teens’ lives a living nightmare. The unpopular kids can try to ignore what popular kids say abut them. The unpopular kids at least hold onto their individuality and don’t have to conform to a group’s rule and regulations. If you’re not popular and you make a mistake you’re not criticized as heavily for it, so you’re free to live your life. Some kids do not have enough self-esteem to resist teasing and others blatant attempts to make them feel horrible about themselves. These people become depressed and turn to suicide for their final solution. Cliques have become a problem in middle school and it is up to the individual to decide whether or to be unique or blend in with the crowd. The key is to always believe in yourself and to have faith in people who are truly your friends.

Answer 1

There is a lot you should change because you have presented a very narrow view of cliques liited to your own experience and opinion.

Maybe many kids aspire to be like the popular kids, but not all do. I did not want to be with the popular kids when I was in school and only one of my three children has ever wanted to be popular (and we forgive her because she is schizophrenic).

Popular kids are not seen as "perfect", many of the popular kids are actually doing more wrong than the less popuar kids but are perceived to be "getting away with it", another false assumption.

A clique is an exclusive group of people who share common interests, views, purposes, or patterns of behavior. A clique is a subset of individuals from a larger group, who are more closely identified with one another than the remaining members of the group, and who exchange something among themselves, such as friendship, affection, or information.

Popular kids are not the only clique in schools. Jocks, brains, goths, scenes, emos, punks, all have their own clique and their own forms of popularity. Each clique has its own leaders, its own followers, and its own goals. Many cliques are isolated from other cliques which means they do not aspire to be like the other cliques.

A clique has an informal structure, and it is composed of more than two people. All the members of the group have some type of relationship with one another, and thus the group is tightly knit together as a type of social network.

Cliques have not "become" a problem in middle school, cliques have always existed in all age groups. There are cliques in elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and even in the workplaces of the adult world.

There are two basic types of cliques:

A) Normative is the source of values and beliefs for the individual.

B) Comparative is a standard of comparison by which individuals evaluate themselves and others.

Members of a clique give one another a type of social support, and that social support can take the form of social development, especially in the case of children and adolescents. Inclusion in a clique can give individuals peer acceptance, whereas exclusion from a clique can hinder peer acceptance and damage an individual’s self-image and self-confidence.

There is a lot more information out there if you are willing to open your mind and do the research.

Answer 2

I can't give much advice on the content but just check through your sentences eg:

'Being part of a clique determines if you are truly are leader of follower'

should read it as?:

'being part of a clique determines if you are truly A leader OR follower'

I think what have written sounds good but I don't know what the criteria for the essay was