I hate Hijab .. But ...?

Question

... my father insists that I should wear it ..

When will Arab parents start accepting their daughters' thinking?!!

Answer 1

Aww ya ghazal

:(

you honestly shouldnt be forced because some people that have been forced to wear hijab take it off behind there parents and that is NOT GOOD!!! you should wear hijab some time in your life,but not forced,tell your parents your not ready and cause you don't wanna hate your life an get the sin for taking it off,you know so have a good talk with him and tell him that you might wear it another time in your life but don't be forced to wear it.

Answer 2

In the Quran as you will know it says that women should not display their beauty and ornaments except what what must ordinarily appear.  They should draw a veil over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands.  

Sheikh's and Imam's all have different view points on this matter some believe that one should in loose modest clothing that covers the body with the face and hair showing as this is what ordinarily appears.  Some believe loose modest clothing and the hair and some believe the face too.

A woman should feel very very sure about wanting to wear hijab as it will be worse if she decides to wear it and then take it off.  Of course some women will not feel 100% comfortable wearing it at first but by praying and being close to God she will feel stronger and believe 100% in hijab and will not take it off.  Also the intention of the muslimah is more important.  Example one could wear hijab and not be modest in her mind and not pray etc and another may not wear hijab but she will pray and is modest in her dress and mind.  

You have to feel you really want to wear hijab your family can not decide for you.  Try and be closer to God and in time you may want to wear hijab or you may feel the same but only wear hijab when you are ready.  

Answer 3

I don't think that you have a Choice

It's ALLAH's order and you shouldn't think about it ,

i wear Hijab not because my father wants me to do so but because i want to do what ALLAH wants  

Answer 4

Bleh!, It's your choice If you don't like it, just say no to your father

Answer 5

This veiling fashion in Egypt is insanity and with all due respect to your father it is turning our beautiful country into another IRAN.

This is due to the influence of the Gulf States and their non interpretative and blinded doctrines of Islam - which many people do not consider to be the best Islam.

Egypt's people have been highly educated for thousands of years.  We did not need  a few tribes who have been brought out of the desert by millions of oil dollars and no culture or history or intellect... to buy us back into the dark ages with their petro dollars.

Where is your identity as an Egyptian woman?

You have a duty to yoru country and to the true core of your religion.

You will not get married more quickly if you are veiled and your family will not be shamed if you are an unveiled respectable girl who doesn;t flaunt her body.

In the internet age in which we live... is it really a scrap of tidy, clean (ie probably unveiled!) HAIR which is going to make all the men around you faint with sexual desire???

Get a grip on reality. Are you aware of the images that men are exposed to on an hourly basis? I am sure your hair is very beautiful but it will not move a hair on anyone's head.

Please?

It is about time our MEN exercised a bit more self control anyway.

There are many girls walking aroung Egypt with their bodies on display under very tight clothes but hair is covered???? This is ludicrous.

Appeal to your father's intellect. Ask him to show you where in the Koran it says you must do this...Remind him that the Koran is there to be interpreted for those who Allah chooses to enlighten.  I am sure that deep down he is an enlightened one.

Tell him you have a duty to keep Egypt free.

We've become like a flock of about 65 million sheep.

Your mind is too beautiful to be one those sheep.

Allah with you.

Please stay VEILED 'IN MODESTY' as Allah instructed you to be...

It is not about a tasteless piece of cloth on your head.  It is about the modesty of your spirit. The beauty of your mind and your whole being as a righteous moslem woman.

Be strong and

Good luck

Answer 6

It is because you are the responsibility of your father as long as ur living under his rood and he will be asked for u not wearing hijab in the day of judgment,

And i don't won't to be a judge in here or anything, but can i ask u why u don't pray, what is your concept of missing it, what do u know about the reason we do it and what do u know about the results of missing it, i wish u can answer me for that!

Answer 7

Dear, Allah insists that you wear it not your dad.  I don't know what is your Islamic background but think of it as a part of your life and ask Allah to make you love it.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry your father is forcing you to wear it. Although a Good Muslima should wear Hijab, fathers should never force their girls to wear it. You should wear it when you're convinced.

When i wore my Hijab, my dad refused because he felt i was gonna take it off after a while and he hated that for me because it's WRONG & haram. But i was so convinced and insisted on wearing it, and now i love Hijab so much and love how i look wearing it.

I'm sorry and i hope Allah guides you to the right decision, make you love your Hijab and make your father understand that it doesn't come by forcing. You hated it when he forced it, you might loved it if he gave you the choice.

Although Muslim girls should wear Hijab, yet it's a 'choice' till they're convinced to wear it.

Answer 9

Dear Ghazal

You need to communicate with the man that loves you most in this world. People could say a million and one things to you in yahoo answers but there are voices that really count, your fathers, your mothers and your inner voice informed by many things such as knowledge and assurance.

Us parents suffer more than you could ever know to raise our children in the only ways we know how to protect and love our children, its not easy and sometimes we get things wrong particularly when listening to the points of view of our children and sometimes our children could get it wrong also, life is for learning and experience. Sometimes as parents we forget that our children are not an extended part of us but their very own being and personality.

Please try not to hurt him by battling him over it, it will just lead to both being stubborn on the issue, if you don't feel that you are ready to wear a hijab then avoid the issue with him or discuss Islam in a way that you both learn from each other but don't make it as a cause to damage the respect for each other. Even if you have made your decision that you would not like to wear it for what ever your reasons, just try to show, your parents that you are moderate in all things, the way you act, your morals, values, dress and so on. Yes it would take time to give him the security as a father, to the point that he thinks, in a way that you know what you are doing as an adult but remember that the only way he will get that security is that he can clearly see and understand that your principles and values come from an Islamic source. Try never to give him a reason to doubt these things while living in your family home, for example if you have a fellow male student call you at home, explain to your father briefly "Imran was calling to give me some extra work for this class" i.e its not lying but its not giving cause for worry in your home, its giving explanations and communication.

The best thing to do is to read a lot about Islam so you find the answers yourself and what makes sense to you personally without the influenge of others. Try to do somethings that help you to relax well, simple things like yoga, things that will help you have patience in what are now some of the most difficult years of your life. Plently of time out, alone and reading will also help. When we are teenagers the fluids in our brain are not very level, this is for example why we sometimes have lots of acne or difficult menses or cant sleep well. Im trying to say that people need things to help them relax particulary when faced with decisions that affect our future.

Remember there are always two sides to the coin -wishing you and your family all the best of blessings, peace and happiness

Answer 10

hi

i liked you being frank

i think whatever your decision concerning hijab,you,like everyone,need to know more about his relgion

coz i thinkknowing about Islam will make you love Islam,whichi beleive is the best way to tackle religion

it is a mater of love and not just folowing orders

you ay like these 2 sites

www.amrkhaled.net

http://al-islam.com/eng/

and for your father i'd like to email him

bye

hi

again i liked you coz not only you wer fran ,but coz you dont deny Isamic teachings

sme people may ot followwhich is a sin,but denying any part of your religion,means you dont beleive

be aware not to slip into this

and be aware of people like Dr Pygmalion ;simply coz at  the best cases they dont understand Islam

please dont follow ignorants!!!

you trust them more than you trust your father?

you trust them more than you trust your God?

God bless you

Answer 11

IM 16, i was born in america, and im muslim. i don't wear the hijab b/c im not ready to, but i will soon. praying on occasions isn't good. you have to pray 5 times a day. you shouldnt even consider yourself to be a muslim, you are an IDIOT!!!!! it seems like youu dont know anything about islam, its a beautiful religon, if i were id sit with your dad and ask him to educate me more about islam.

Answer 12

I agree with mesho,

I think its your freedom to choose what you want in this life, but also to try to listen to your family and good friends advices, and always use your mind and heart together,

Tell him that you dont want to wear it , and its your own hair , not his, and tell him that u respect him and respect Islam , but you will wear it when you are really accepted for urself, not doing it with an internal negative feeling from inside.

Wish you all the best, and take care.

Answer 13

in egypt we had a very strange attitude,all parents are insisting on their daughters to wear Hijab too much,while they ignore insisting on praying,they even don't care if their daughters pray or not.

i would like to tell you something try to comply with the society culture till the Hijab becomes for religion reasons not for society reasons

Answer 14

the answer to your question is ..never

i really feel bad for you ..an i hope your dad an so many other parents accept an respect their daughter's choice in not wearing a hijab ...

myself i can't see the point of wearing a head scarf an calling it a part of islam ...for me it's more of a cultural habit of the early muslims who used to live in the desert long ago ..

Answer 15

Look.i know that hijab is something muslim females must do..

but i prefer to say that what is more of a must than hijab is conservative clothes.That is something you need to stick to for your own good.

Am not saying don't wear hijab but wait until you're more open to it.

am sure your dad wants "the best for you"-which he seems not so good at this part- and if you wear a more conservative type of clothes he might cut you some

slack...

God doesn't want you with a head wearing veil and a heart hating it..

thats not doing you any good.

and if you don't pray plz don't wear hijab,you'll feel so lost.

start by the primary and substantial stuff like prayers for instance.

and believe me your dad won't be asked why you didn't wear hijab......god is fair and just and he won't blame our parents for our wrong doings!!!!

Answer 16

first how old are you?

then you have to define your self the reasons that makes you hate Hijab, so you can know if you want to wear it someday or it is a life dicision (if you want to share it with us, so we can discuss them)

look i don't like to ask how people do practice their religion as i see it some kind of emotional blackmail. but do you pray? i mean if you pray you wont say "i hate hijab". and if so your father would better ask you to pray first. so you can will wear hijab when you pray. this could be a first step, and then see if you want to wear it outside the house or not. i mean if you dont wear hijab, at least wear it and pray.

give your self time and dont judge "hijab" and say "i hate it."

---------------------------------

try to get into a discussion with him, and ask him to give you more time.

-------------------------------------

Ok i really didnt mean to criticize you religously, but if you i can share you my opinion, tell your dad you dont want to feel pushed on it. and you will wear it while praying, and you will pray 5 times a day (but dont use it as a nogatiation card, i will do it and you let me not to wear). say it as you tell him "give more time to get used to it" even if you dont intend to get used to it on the social level.

my point is: if you dont want to wear it, i dont think forcing you to wear will achieve the desired spiritual feedback.

but praying is an obligation on every muslim (men and women), so just pray, and give your self time to judge if you hate or not after some time of praying. (maybe monthes, maybe few years). i mean it doesnt make sense from your father to ask you to wear hijab and you dont pray. hijab is the outcome of a whole way of life not just a dress code.

dont follow the attitude of a victim who regrets her distny, this will make him insist more.

Try to give your father a matture attitude of respect for his wants, as a girl doesnt want to upset her father, and at the same time seeking his love, and his emotional security. tell him you understand that he wants you the best, and ask him for more time. and start praying... and give your self time too.

--------------------------------------...

edit @some answerers (specially doctor pygmalion):

people who believe in their religion are not negative answerers, and we talking about a clear religious believe doesn't mean we criticize her for not wearing hijab.

replying to your "points"

first: Hijab is not a dress-code as you see it. it is an outcome of a whole way of life. hijab is a reflection in her attitude of talking, walking, and acting with life.

Second: most harassment in our country are a result of economical frustration and lose of hope in being employed. and also contradicting media vision, while it condemns harassments in talk shows, it is still presented in the movies as something cool to do.

your approach is the same approach of people who says drug dealers pray, so i will not pray.

Third: Every Muslims priest has his own way of communication with others, if you didn't like his way of expression doesn't mean that the religion itself is wrong.

you can say the same thing about girls with bikini.

Forth: what you are talking about are just people who are insecure inside.

after your all your parents were failed to provide you with the right knowledge of the religion, and that's why it is non-sense to change you afterwards, and what you are talking about is cheating,

if she is going to cheat on her father she will cheat on EVERY ONE else.

and DO NOT call every one who disagree with you as short-sighted or simple minded, because I find all of your talk as an attempt to make others follow your path so to have an illusion of being on the right path. You are overloaded with "free" media talk, and it seems clearly that you are not living in Egypt itself.

"i dont care what others think differently" is actually the talk of simple minded people who want to find relief in not questioing themselves.

try to give more respect to your (or others) religion "if you are really proud of it". Or really believe in "Freedom of choice"

you would better read my contribution to the question you provided its URL. If you are a really "open minded" man who believe in sicntific research and udnerstand what is it, you would know clearly that this article is not research based, and just impritionistic.

And there is a real research based results from "the national council of women rights" in Egypt about this particular issue. however, there are still doubts on its cridibility as i explained in my question.

also it seems clearly that you dont understand the difference between Hijab and Nekab.

--------------------------------------...

main point to demonstrate: talking about my religion teachings with proud doesn't mean i blame some one for his/her choice.

Yes i believe Hijab is an obligation in Islam. but at the same time i m against criticizing a woman for not wearing Hijab, we don't follow Allah, to criticize others and feel good about our selves.

We seek Allah mercy, love, and forgiveness, to behave our self inside, and give a look and an act of sympathy toward others around us.

the problem that you (answerers and asker) are focusing on Hijab as an independant issue from our religion, and thats why i asked her about pray, because if a girl is praying and really seek the time of pray to connect with Allah (we are connceted all the time) can never say i hate hijab (even if she doesnt wear it on the social level...) the problem is to redefine her connection with Islam as a whole. not just wearing Hijab or not.

and thats why she needs to give her self (not her father) more time.

--------------------------------------...

A Reply:

Dear friend

thank you for your reply to me. and your added comments.

and sorry for this late comment as i didnt had a chance to read completely what you wrote

my objection on the article: the first page of it is only based on impressions of passer-by persons. also the article mixes the concept of Nekabwith hijab and use the same term (veiled women). and about the results of the Egyptian council for human rights i agree with. however i still have my own doubts about its credibility. and i have to add that i read a full interview through islamonline.net and details are much more detailed than just the number of 85%. it talks more about where it happens and age groups and so on.

so this particular article of Washington Post is still biased in my openion.

after all i m agines using such results to say Hijab is no use.

your parents deal with you or her (i still dont know you are a man or a woman) is not a common norm in all muslim family.

afterall i understand the girl's feeling toward hijab as she is not praying fromt he first place. so her connection to islam is something she has to redefine it for her own good.

Answer 17

as soon as u notice that not all Arab fathers are alike...

actually my sis decided to wear the hijab in spite of both my parents opinion..

Answer 18

I can spew all sorts of feminine rights thoughts just about now.  But it is not the correct way to approach the situation. I don't know what is? I do not know what cultural influences your parents have.

But, I will ask you this and forgive me for any ignorance.  If Allah loves you - should you not have his love regardless you wear a Hijab or not?  Why did god create women if he did not want them to be seen?  It is sad that your parents feel that Hijab keeps you closer to god by covering. I am not advocating that you wear skimpy clothes and prance around. But, to dress modestly does not mean that Hijab is the only way. A part of it is culture and a part of it is religion.  Try and reason with your parents and let them know how you feel about it.    

Answer 19

i hate it too ..  

Answer 20

i'm 17 too

my parents don't force me to do anything & i'm wearing the hijab since i was 14 and it was my decision no one forced me to do so and since i wore the hijab allah had blessed me and i became more successful in my life .

i do my best to pray the 5 prayers a day.

u should spent a little more time thinking by urself.

i guess u don't want to wear the hijab coz u r forced to wear it , ur rejection to the idea of wearing the hijab is ur way to express urself . i suffered from a similar issues but when i was 13. u r grown up now.

u must be in college now. i understand ur attitude and i completely agree with u but sometimes we have to listen to our heart and forget ur ego. reconsider the idea away from ur parents. forget the fact that u r forced to do so. and u can wear the hijab and look fabulous.

AND BY THE WAY A LOT OF ARAB PARENTS ACCEPT THEIR DAUGHTERS THINKING.

MY PARENTS -MASHA-ALLAH- ACCEPT MY POINT OF VIEW AND LET ME DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO , THEY TREAT ME BETTER THAN SOME PARENTS TREAT THEIR BOYS.

BUT -MASHAALAH- I'VE PROVED TO BE GROWN UP. AND THAT U CAN RELY ON ME. DONT ENVY ME.

BUT U CHOOSE THE WAY U R TREATED .IT'S UR CALL HONEY.  

Answer 21

hey ghazal,

i think a gal should not be forced to wear hajab until she feels herself to wear it or her heart accept to wear it

maybe a time will come when u wud love to wear it...

by ma suggession to u is dun force urself ...whn ur heart n mind wud accept it dan wear it

dun make hijab a burden n decide urself

Answer 22

I hate to wear eyeglasses too. :)

sometimes we need to learn to love somethings in life and don't follow our desires blindely.

We should be grateful that we were born Muslims, and don't listen to people who say that hijab is not an obligation in Islam.

Answer 23

my parents already did, I am atheist and I've always had problems with them especially that they are both believer.

it have always been the war but as they know ii don't hurt  the others or try to convince them by what I think, they wish I  change a day.......

Answer 24

Unfortunately you are the liberal, forward-looking daughter of an average, traditional Egyptian man. You’re obviously different from other Egyptian girls not only in your irreligiousness but in your outspokenness about it (“hate Hijab,” “don’t pray,” etc) and your outspokenness is why I call you forward-looking (tolerant religious people can be forward-looking too). Also unfortunately you won’t get much help from the men here, since most male answers above me (and below me) reverberate that you’re a “bad person” to hate wearing Hijab. If you take it from a 19-year-old Egyptian male with a bit of a background and different opinions, maybe I can contribute a little…I’m not religious either, and I went through familial and some social consequences. The same kind of people who are putting you down keep thumbing down my answer, and that’s exactly why this’ll be a different thing to hear.

Don’t let the negative answers affect you. The truth is that most Egyptians think this way, and if you listen to them, you’ll only believe you are and feel like a bad person, and this is unhealthy, counterproductive, and wrong.

First of all, I don’t pretend to have any masterful knowledge of my religion, though I may well know a little more than the average person my age because of years of reading, but as to whether Hijab is a fard or not, I use common sense—there are blacker sins in the world than a girl showing her hair. Hair is a feature of no sexual temptation whatsoever, and anyone who argues on the contrary is a fool. I’ve never seen a girl’s hair and wanted to hit on her! If a woman’s hair is so alluring why isn’t a man’s, and why needn’t a man cover his hair? I’ve heard several times now that a woman who doesn’t wear Hijab will be hanged in h**l from her locks. WHY? Again, I use common sense. Who would believe such fanaticism? Also, I completely refuse the religious belief that a woman must cover her whole body except her hands and her face, while a man must only cover his body from the navel (belly) to the knee. That’s the equivalent of wearing long underwear! So according to some short-sighted religious people, a woman going out without covering her hair is a greater moral risk than a man going out wearing only a pair of long underwear.

Second, Hijab does not give you magical protection against the many, many, many men who harass women in this country. How many women in Egypt wear Hijab? Some estimates are 80 to 85 percent. Yet how many Egyptian men still harass women? No less than two thirds, AND most of them say it’s the woman’s fault! There is no such thing as a woman “inviting” someone to molest her. This is a disgusting, extremely idiotic view that draws attention away from the harasser and to the harassed, makes the victim the criminal, and makes me ashamed to be Egyptian.

Third, wearing Hijab has become so common that it’s no longer a result of conscious, educated personal choice. Girls everywhere wear Hijab. It’s practically the fashionable way to stay out of h**l. Amr Khaled on one of his tapes told the story of a Hijab-wearing girl who took her sister to a religious gathering, and the speaker described the “punishment” for not wearing Hijab so graphically that the younger girl ended up in tears and begged for anyone to give her a Hijab on the spot! Mr. Khaled told the story like it was inspiring but I was almost furious.  

Fourth, this country has a psychology of blaming women for everything. If a woman is raped, she must be married to her rapist, because no other man will want her (the rapist can still escape legal punishment by marrying his victim). If a woman has an attractive voice, or wears a tank top because of the heat, she’s asking for trouble (the ex-Grand Mufti of Australia and New Zealand, who is an Egyptian immigrant, called women who did not wear Hijab “pieces of meat”). I’m a guy and when I go out I can wear whatever I want. My parents only mind when I’m wearing a wrinkled shirt, or when the colors of my clothes don’t go together! But of course, if I had a sister (I don’t), she would have to wear Hijab like you. A friend of mine is 18 and fell in love with a 23-year-old she met online. After talking for many months (nothing physical happened), he left her and ignored her and she fell apart. Her friend, of course, told her it was her fault, because a “good” girl wouldn’t end up in that situation. Her friend was a girl.

So you see how bad the situation is…

After all this, I’m honestly not sure what you can do about your father. In my case, my parents tried a lot to change me for years, including beating me, spitting on me, and throwing me out of the house at times, but eventually gave up and accepted me as a “hopeless case” (this isn’t necessarily to say they accepted me). But I’d say…see if you can wear Hijab only in his presence, and in the presence of certain people he would ask. Maybe there are unsupervised social areas and occasions where you can temporarily take it off and just be yourself? Also, you need female friends who think like you—who are liberal, or religious but understanding. They can hang around with you and cover for you if necessary. It won’t help to have friends who give you the same kind of answer some people have given you here. It can be very dispiriting. And, does your school or university offers activities or programs? Get involved! It can brighten up your day, expand your horizons, give your father an acceptable reason to let you go out, and you can get away with not wearing Hijab. Try to find legitimate reasons to spend more time out of the house. When I got a summer job I was away from home ten or eleven hours a day, my mother was okay with it, and it meant I didn’t have to face her as often. Of course, there are such programs outside your school or university too, in centers (e.g. language courses), workplaces…besides, at your age it’s highly recommended that you start getting work experience of some kind or another, in part-time jobs or INTERNSHIPS…good work experience can even do more for you than a competitive degree. Developing yourself is both an excellent opportunity and an excellent excuse to get away from home. Also…do you have a better relationship with your mother than you do your father? Is she gentler and more understanding? If you two are very close, maybe she can understand how you’re feeling and cover for you, and at the same time keep your father okay or get you on his good side. At least one shielding parent can be a big advantage (I have zero out of two). And I have to put up a face for my father too, although I don’t have to cover my hair. :-P

Food for thought

http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con...

Good luck...

Edit: I don’t care how many simple-minded people think I’m evil, this is the truth it took me years to find.

Edit:

Some people in this thread are religious and yet have defended the girl’s right not to wear Hijab. I didn’t touch on them in my criticism. Quite the opposite, I have a high regard for them. I meant answers that simply went along the lines of “Sorry you hate Hijab because you’re young and stupid but you have to wear it anyway.” I’m not generalizing all religious people together, and you’re incorrect in that some religious people have criticized her for not wearing Hijab.

Yes, Hijab is meant to be about values. However, I think when the vast majority of Egyptian women are as modest as they are, and when harassment is still the way it is here, the problem isn’t the women.

While improving on economic problems like unemployment can improve on some social problems like harassment, a man can’t be excused for harassing a girl simply because he’s unemployed or underpaid. Abuse is always the abuser’s fault.

Then that particular example of communication with others was disgraceful.

I really don’t think pressure to wear a bikini is the same as pressure to wear Hijab. Pressure to wear Hijab comes from parents, family, public schools, religious leaders, social opinion, beliefs about sin and h**l, and of course the threat of harassment (that is, a woman might be tempted to wear Hijab because of the belief that it will protect her from harassment, which I doubt it will). In any case, if there’s similar pressure from a girl’s peers (though 80 to 85 percent of Egyptian women are veiled), boys, the media, the fashion industry, and social pressure to be beautiful, all for her to wear a bikini (all of which I also doubt in a country as conservative as Egypt), it’s the same and I condemn it. But of course, no one ever said a girl who doesn’t wear a bikini will go to h**l.

My parents didn’t do anything wrong. They did exactly what most Egyptian parents would have done in their place.

The girl has been honest with her father about her feelings about Hijab so far and he has refused to appreciate her honesty. If she still refuses to wear it or continues to object there might be disciplinary consequences from him and I don’t want that to happen.

As I said, I wasn’t targeting your answer or even answers like yours when I referred to short-sighted or simple-minded people.

I don’t understand your objection to the article. It is a primary, not a secondary resource, based on direct experiment. Over 2,000 people were given a survey. Just because it was published in the Washington Post doesn’t mean the research wasn’t done by Egyptians—the study was performed by the Egyptian Centre for Women’s Rights. Lots of respected studies in other fields are based on similar, impressionistic, self-reported data.

83 percent is a very high number and even if we make  

Answer 25

All the people who dont want to wear hijab are shallow because they care about the looks.

Answer 26

I hope soon. I feel sorry for anyone that's forced to believe, wear or think anything they didn't choose to.

Things will change, they always do =)

Answer 27

please say I hate my dad ..not I hate Hijab