I hate everything about my life?

Question

I've asked this question before with a different account (forgot login.) But really, it's serious. Please read the original question from the link. http://ph.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av.fEjN2aBDUhDUgBm0gw_9KcxV.;_ylv=3?qid=20080330204517AArcpX0

So, I was having trouble taking the advice given - like, telling my mom how I felt, and our relationship is totally ruined. We argue all the time, and say really hurtful things to each other. She thinks I'm a rude person, but I'm not, I just don't have any respect towards her or my dad, which gets me at trouble at home because they tell me they deserve respect and love, but they don't. One day my mom and I got in a huge fight (well actually, we got in two big fights.) Where we were kicking and scratching each other, and swearing at each other. After the second one, I told her about all my feelings - how I hated my life, and I didn't feel like living anymore, and I don't know why I don't just kill myself because my life sucks, and how nobody cares about me, and how she didn't even take me to the doctor, or make sure I was okay, and just expected me to be happy. She just said "Well, you know this is hard for me too, but I'm doing what's best for the family, and none of that makes it okay for you to treat me like you do." And when I started talking about the infection, she said "What do you expect me to do? I'm not taking my daughter to the doctor, and having them think you're sexually active." But I couldn't bring myself to tell her about exactly what happened. I jsut wanted to see a doctor. But she won't take me, because she's too embarrassed. I'm almost positive that I have something, and I don't want it left untreated, but it is obvious to me something is not right. Then I asked to see a therapist, and she just said "I don't know." and she hasn't looked into it yet. During the day I can't even concentrate, and I'm always in a daydream where I have this perfect life, and someone one day - will love me despite how messed up I am because of all of this. I make wishes about it, and think about it before I go to sleep, and all through the day. But I really just want to work this out, but I know there is no way that would happen. My life isn't getting any better. My mom really thinks she's trying, and everyone in my house thinks they have it the worst. My little brother always complains, and on top of that he makes jokes about molestation and rape, and he doesn't know that I've been a victim, and his dad is the abuser, and it makes me so sad. I also feel like I want to tell my friends, so they'll understand my negative outlook on life, but I don't know if they're close enough, or if they really like me, because I don't have a BEST friend. Besides someone who truly loves me, I just want that. Plus, the material things about my life are fine. I went to summer camp across the country, went shopping in New York, got thousands of dollars in new clothes, and got my bedroom remodeled this summer, my parents let me charge hundreds of dollars on itunes on their credit card off the hook, and I'm doing a pageant, and all... but none of that makes up for the damage that they've done to me. I don't even know what my question is...... I just need help, I mean, what do I do now? How do I take care of the infection I probably have? Am I crazy? Do I have some mental problem? What is life even for? Do my parents really love me? Is this life even worth it, because I always tell myself that if things don't get better in 10 years, I'll just kill myself, but I don't know if I should just do it now. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to live. Not like this. Nobody cares about me at all. But I care about myself, kind of. I try to cover up all my insecurities by acting happy, and jumpy and ditzy and carefree, and concieted.... but I'm not anything I want to be. I don't have close friends, I'm not that pretty, and most of all I'm not happy, or healthy, or even sane. I can put on that act and once I get home; or see my parents, it all falls down. I'm just so confused. I need help.

Answer 1

You know what?? I dont know if this is the solution for you, if you would be ale to do it, but i think you should maybe go to the police. It is NOT right that you should have to live in a house with a man who did that to you, and a woman who will condone it. They would probally put you into care and if you are lucky, maybe even find you a loving family. I can understand if you cant do this!

If you do not want to go to the police, is there not maybe a a relative you could confide in, and live with for a while?

Werever you go, you need to tell them your need for a docor and counseler, anyone can see you need 1!! You are not crazy, just goin through a tough time, and havnt got anyone to talk to, and make you feel better. Your parents probally love you deep down, they are just in a tough time and dont know what to do without wrecking the families life! You are best of having time away from them to get your head and health sorted. I used to feel like you (obiously not as bad, i havnt been through half the cr*p you have!) but about friends and prettyness, and just behaving like an act. I used to have an asbusive stepdad, but he never sexually abused me, even if he did my mother. I used to wake up every morning wishing that this would be the day she left him. It finally came and my life improved dramaticly. I used to feel like you, but beleive me life will get better! Think of all the things you have to come! College, mariege, kids!! beleive me it will be worth it!

You really need to get away from your parents though!! Email me anytime if you need someone to talk to! Hope everything goes well!!

Remember people do care!! =D x*x  

Answer 2

Ok i can see that your issues are seroius, the only thing I can think of is to tell your school counsellor I think they can help with issues like this.