I hate my best friend's boyfriend. What do I do?? sorry this is long but I really need help.?

Question

I hate him, I hate him, I ******* hate him. He's not exactly her boyfriend right now but he will be soon.

She dated him for a whole year and things were fine for the first 8 months and he was even one of my best friends. I didn't even feel like a third-wheel when it was just the three of us because we were all really good friends.

But then, around late Jan. they started fighting like once a week. No big deal it's normal. But then it went to twice a week, then to everyday, and by April, they fought at least once everyday. He would always say "It's over!" and a bunch of other **** and be a big jackass and then five minutes later he'd come back and say the exact opposite and NOT LET her leave or break up with him. But I'm gonna say the whole truth so i can get an honest opinion but my best friend also said stuff when they were fighting and at other times that she didn't mean. She would always tell me that it was over and that she "kinda hoped" so. But then, they'd still stay together.

Anyway, even at this point, I didn't hate him yet. There was one day where they fought and he didn't want her to tell me what they were fighting about b/c he didn't want me to think less of him. And I told her that the only way I would think less of him was if he hurt her (physically), started doing drugs, or killed someone.

Then, in May, (it was actually the day before my b-day I think) he "broke up with her" (which was the usual by then) and stormed off. He ended up having to come to the class we were in that hour and take a test and as he was leaving, we was walking past me and my best friend and he kicked her.

I didn't really realize what just happened til I asked her if he just kicked her and by then he was out the door. At this point I was starting to hate him. But then the very next day, (my b-day, pretty sure) they were fighting again at her locker and I usually walk with her to that next class so I was there and she reached to grab her books on top of her locker so she could leave and he shoved her arms so that she couldn't leave and her hand went straight into the corner of her locker and cut it. (I feel bad about all of this now because I didn't do anything). And as we were walking away, she said "If it bleeds, then I will never, talk to him again." and it did bleed some and left a scar that I couldn't stop staring at or get out of my head for weeks. And then when I told him I lost all respect for him because he hurt her twice-right in front of me, he GOT MAD AT ME. He said it was "none of my business".

But abuse is everyone's business and I will not be an accomplise.

And then 10 days later, they finally broke up. They are not right for each other at all. Even she's said that a lot more than once and he's said that his ex-gf was a better gf than she ever was more than once.

But he said he was "gonna change" and get help to manage his anger issues-which he still never has.

But another reason I absolutely hate him is b/c he was and is always bringing her down. Her mood changes every time they talked. He always put her in a crappy mood, even when she was about to have fun and do something with me-it seemed like that happened everytime. So it was like he was shaking up a pop can and saying "here you go" to me over and over and over again.

And over the summer, they got back together, broke up "for good", got back together, and as of this very second, broken up again but they are going to be back together soon. And because he's such a jerk, sometimes I think less of my best friend cause she let him do all this and because she told me she didn't love him anymore and that "if he ever...she'd be gone."

So reasons I hate him:

1. He abused her. Emotionally and physically. And I cannot stand abusers. That's just something I feel strongly about and I'll never forgive him for it.

2. He basically treated her like c**p for four months.

3. He always brings her down.

4. He's nothing but lies and I can't believe a word he says.

and more but i think i've ranted enough.

So I hate fighting with my best friend about him. I feel like there's a wall between us because of him and I hate it. Also because she is my only true best friend that I have left. I want to support her because she still loves him (I think she's still in love with who he WAS not who he IS). But I don't know if I should do that or something else. I've been stressing over this so much.. I even have PVC's now b/c of it.

Please help. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Why are you wasting your time thinking about others.

Can't you have your own friend.

Answer 2

It is clear that you are a concerned friend and you really have your friends well being in your mind and heart. she is very lucky to have such a caring friend.

however, there is no sence fighting with her about it. she will do what she thinks is right and what she wants to do, even if your not supportive of that. you made it quite clear that you really think he is a bad match for her, you told her why, and that is all you can say.

what you can do, is be there for her, let her know you will never be supportive of  her boyfriend, but tell her you are there for her, no matter what. let her know if she ever needs you or talk to you about stuff your still there. i stress this only because she knows you hate the guy, she may be reluctant to tell you anything if you go on and on about how big of a shmuck he is. reasure her that you are not making her choose her boyfriend or your friendship, and lastly try your hardest to keep the comments on how suckie he is to yourself. she knows you hate him, but by constantly doing that she will only pull herself further away from you and you will loose your bestfriend.

just let her know though that you value her friendship very much and that you still want to be apart of her life even if he is apart of it. just let her know your not comfortable being around him and if its possible if you and her go hang out with out his company. that way it can keep the peace. if your in a situation to where he has to be there just be civil. in life you have to deal with people you really hate but for the sake of someone you love you just deal with it. as stressful as it may be.

she will probably see for herself how much he sucks and drop him. your probably right, she loves the guy he was, not the guy he turned out to be. but that is something she has to figure out on her own.

if in doubt you can always watch the hills, the heidi and L.C. situation seems very much up your alley. and the L.C and Audrina debackle too. heheee...

good luck and i hope your friendship lasts.

Answer 3

you're friend needs to break up with him for good. Only she can choose when she wants to stop being abused. I know you wish you can do something about it but she has to get the help she needs from being abused