I hate my husband and i cant tolerate him...?

Question

my mother in law was visiting us and shes got a way with words...she over powers one...and she would wake up in the morning and start off by saying things...a variety of things...as a result of which i cant tolerate my husband...in my heart i blame him for her bad behaviour with me...i was going to take some days off and visite my parents but that did not work out...now he wants to take me for a vocation but i don't want to go...i can't stand him...i feel like im suffocating...and he's to blame...he's the one becuase of whom this marriage that meant the world to me is falling apart...i don't know what to do...i feel like im the worlds most bitter person EVER!!!

Answer 1

Get out, start a new life. You only have one to live.

Answer 2

You sound foolish.  If that woman is trying to destroy your marriage you are letting her.  Outside folks should not control your marriage.  Come the fk on...you must want him to stand up for you?  Is that what you mean?  Well if that is the case, since your husband seems not to have the balls, stick up for yourself.

Answer 3

Tell him that he has to tell his mom to back off, just as you would tell your parents to back off if they were hating on you.

Answer 4

Talk to him about whatever it was she said that you disliked.    Tell him you feel resentment because you were not respected in your own home.  That it has caused you to be upset with him.   That though it was his mother who said the things she did.  You feel and think he should have stood up for you.  In the past I've had trouble with in laws,  and it has caused me to feel like you are now.  If you stay quiet and don't say anything it will continue.

Answer 5

not, you've got it wrong.

you are not hating your husband, you are hating your mother in law and her bad behavior.  and you are taking it out on him.

this can and will get better.  it's really hard to do but let what she says "go in one ear and out the other".  older people have a certain problem, if they were overbearing, moody or critical, they only become more so as they age.

why are you around your mother in law all the time?  do you live with her or close to her?  but anyway, you need to get farther away from her.

your mother in law is not your problem, she is your husband's problem.  let him deal with her.  use your caller id and don't pick up the phone if it's her.  but make sure he gets the message if she leaves on.  don't give her your email address and don't give her your cell phone number.

you still love your husband, it's just his mother that is ruining things.

try to ignore her they way you would ignore a rude child.  you see a rude child, and think "that child was raised badly" and feel sorry for the kid.  same thing with mother in law, she has no manners, maybe she was raised badly and never learned how to be polite.

do NOT escalate this into a big war.  do NOT complain to your hubby about your mother in law.  he's not blind.  he's stuck in the middle.

so find some coping skills, like suddenly needing to go to the grocery store when she shows up at your house, or working late at your job if shes' staying over, or "sleeping" late if she's staying with you.

spend less time around her, don't go on the phone with her.  she's pushing your buttons, and you are letting her destroy your marriage.  keep your man, and push this ignorant lady into the background, pay no attention to her and spend very little time around her.

Answer 6

Are you blaming your husband for your mother in laws behavior?  That doesn't seem fair.  You need to communicate with your husband.  Marriage and love takes lots of work, welcome to the real world.

Answer 7

that's the price you pay for marring a Mama's boy !!!  

At times communication itself will not do magic.. to solve this you will have to connect with him and this will make your relationship even more stronger.  Good Luck !!!  

Answer 8

Okay, let me get this straight..

You blame your husband for being the sole cause of your marriage falling apart even though you admit to being the most bitter person ever..

Yes, he SHOULD stand up for you.  No doubt, you're his wife and you need to be the most important person to him.  But, if you want that, then you need to treat him really good too.  

Try to make peace with his mom if you want your marriage to have a shot, because if you make him distant from his mom, then he'll just feel so resentful towards you.

Answer 9

Seems you need to take a look at yourself as well. He is at least trying he wants to take you on vacation that shows effort on his part and you are trying to put up blocks.

Answer 10

You would do well to understand that trying to blame him for his mother and your issues is the problem.

Happiness comes from within not without.

Answer 11

tell him how you REALLY feel! your mom-in-law, should not be disrespecting    YOUR HOUSE! if you do not want to go, then don't. get some counseling that will not hurt you guys

Answer 12

its not his fault what his mom says but you should tell him how it makes you feel when he doesnt take up for you in your own home he should say mom please dont talk about the woman i love and going to spend my life with that way that it hurts the both of you when she speaks that way  

Answer 13

Your mother in law is her own person.  Your husband cannot control what she says.  He is not responsible for her behavior.  He is responsible for his behavior.  This is a bad situation you are in.  Next time MIL visits, let her stay at a hotel.  If MIL cannot behave civilly, don't socialize with her.  Husband needs to understand you do not need this kind of BS in your home.  Also, speak to your MIL about what she is saying, but wait until you are not emotional.  It is best not to put your husband in the middle.  He loves both of you.  He was raised by his mother and thinks nothing or her words or actions, he has been around this behavior his whole life.  Seems he is trying to make it up to you by taking you on vacation.  Go!  Have fun.