I hate this word "tolerance" - How about love, acceptance and altruism?

Question

Why would you want to be... "tolerated". Like "hey Andrew I 'tolerate' your flaming homosexuality, I tolerate your existence on this planet….... It just seems to be another passive aggressive PC term from this repressed society we live today. A lot of people say they like g**s, yet go around with their gaydar to spot, label, stereotype and laugh at g*y men. We're a bunch of cowards, and those who have the guts to speak out are censored by the corporate media....

I’m not a very tolerant person; little things annoy me and get to my skin easily. But I would much rather except a person for who they are, and love someone as a human being, than tolerate them.

What do you think of “tolerance”?

Answer 1

I understand what you mean. But I do think that, depending on the person and the situation, sometimes tolerance is the best that you're gonna get.  

If it's "tolerance" versus lynching someone or firebombing a church/mosque/GLBT center/et cetera, I'll take tolerance

Answer 2

To accept is to receive willingly, approve of, to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable, or to recognize as true.

To tolerate is to endure,  to allow to be, or be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction.

We all have certain moral standards, personal beliefs, and pet peeves  in regards to what we see as proper, normal or true.  

Here is an example:  I have a 3 year old son.  He has an occasional temper tantrum and while I do not find this behavior to be acceptable(I do not regard it as proper)  I find his behavior tolerable(purely in the sense that my love will endure this behavior).  However,  I do not tolerate this behavior in the sense that I do not allow it to be done without prohibition or hindrance.

All forms of both words have a time and place in my relationship with him and all stem from my love of him.

Answer 3

Just learn to tolerate it dude! it's here to stay ...... .  along with pus sy rule..

Answer 4

I prefer acceptance.  For instance; in stead of saying I'm tolerating that person's attitude; I would rather say I accept the fact that person has a bad attitude; there's nothing I can do to change them; I can only change myself in the way I look at them.

To me tolerance is like saying we have to put up with this or that and who cares if we accept it or not; at some level acceptance should be reached.

Answer 5

I like your other words better.  But you have to look at reality.

There are people abusing, stabbing, betraying and bombing people because they don't like them for one reason or anther - or even no reason.

If you are of a mind to do something about that, what can you do?

Asking two people who hate each other to change their mind and love each other just isn't going to work.  People do not find it easy to change their feelings.  Try it some time.  Somebody has just put the knife between your ribs, your partner goes off with another.  Just decide "Oh well, it will all work out" and whistle as you walk away?

Tolerance is more doable.  You don't have to change your feelings or your mind about something.  You just have to realize that if you really go with your feelings that you'll end up throttling someone and then you'll have to spend the next 20 years in jail.

As you point out, achieving tolerance is aiming fairly low.  But life would be greatly improved if we could just get that far.  If we ever did achieve a universal tolerance, then we could start to aim a little higher.

Answer 6

tolerance: 1. The capacity for or practice of recognizing and respecting the opinions, practices, or behavior of others.

- American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Edition

Respecting the rights of others, which is what tolerance is, is sufficient.  We don't have to love (or even like) each other to recognize that everyone has the right to live their life in a way that works for them, as long as they aren't harming others.

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Answer 7

Well, I think I understand the reason for the choice of the word tolerism.  Suppose your beliefs are strongly against something, such as homosexuality.  Everything in your faith, heart, soul and mind tell you it's wrong.  By the laws of man, there's nothing you can really do about it.  But you can't call it acceptance because that would indicate approval on some level.  So you tolerate the thing you most object to.

I use homosexuality as my example because it's an item we read about frequently (g*y marriage) and is seen publicly (pride parades, etc.) everywhere.  But there are so many different ideas and labels that are controversial.  Controversy in itself tells you that there are people on one side screaming, "You must accept it!"  And there are people on the other screaming back, "I don't want to!"  I think it's the correct response to say, ok, you don't have to accept it, but with laws being the way they are, you must at least tolerate it for now.

Answer 8

No, I think it is fitting at times.  There are times I tolerate things (usually people's behavior) because I love and care about them....or sometimes because I work with them and simply have to.  There are things you tolerate, I do not love and care for everyone, nor do I want to (though I would never wish them harm).

These are all different things, which is why we use different words to describe them.  To me "acceptance" is the closest thing to "tolerance", but is not always the same.

Answer 9

In an ideal world, we would of course accept and love people for who they are. But the next best thing after that is tolerance, which to me is the belief that everyone should be free from oppression and should be able to live their lives in peace, no matter whether you agree with their choices or not.  

I would much rather be tolerated for being LGBT than be oppressed because of it. I know that not everyone will accept me for who I am, and the most you can ask of some people is tolerance. I don't really care whether or not they agree with me or my lifestyle, as long as they aren't trying to stop me expressing it.

Everyone has their beliefs, and people are entitled to think homosexuality is wrong. What they shouldn't be able to do is take away the rights of LGBT people. One day I hope we can genuinely love people for who they are, but until then tolerance is better than nothing.

Answer 10

"But I would much rather except a person for who they are"

Ironic typo there :) I'm not the grammar police, just thought it was funny.

At the beginning of last school year, my school's GSA was going to put up posters saying "Got tolerance?" to advertise, but two of our members objected on the same grounds you do (in a much less articulate manner).

I agree on some level, but I think objecting to the word tolerance is just as much tied to PC as the term itself is.

Answer 11

What a fantastic question.

I completely agree with you and have often thought this myself. Unfortunately the word tolerance to me is symptomatic of a culture that allows difference to exist while continuing to oppress those who are different.

It is completely PC in that "baby-kissing-politician" kind of way, and is meant to appease cultures of resistance by giving them what I call the proverbial pacifier. It isn't meant to address the heart of the issue and create a place of acceptance for those who don't fit the norm, but simply to allow them to exist and hope they won't disrupt the hegemony as a result.

In other words, tolerance is like telling someone, "I don't mind if you're g*y, as long as you hang out in your g*y bars and your neighborhood and I don't have to come across you at work or on the street."

Many people will argue that acceptance suggests condoning another person's lifestyle, which inherently also means that if they fear this it is because they have not accepted it.

They come off as being "accepting"/tolerant because they allow it to exist, and yet they do so in a way that is completely intolerant at the same time. So tolerance, in this sense, isn't tolerant at all; in fact, it allows people to continue to be intolerant!

As a feminist, I also prefer acceptance rather than "tolerance" as a solution to oppression.

I think it's important to accept lifestyles different from your own, and acknowledge that even if you are not comfortable with that lifestyle for yourself, you understand that other people have a right to choose what works for them.

What it comes down to is people imposing moral judgements on one another, and that's something I disagree with. Tolerance presupposes a moral judgement that the person is wrong and you tolerate them despite that. Acceptance suggests that the person is doing what's right for them, and that you accept that right; we all have a right to that.

Answer 12

Tolerance is necessary.  Tolerance describes a situation one doesn't approve of, but is willing to accept out of concern for the greater good.

For example, I don't approve of my niece's relationship.  The person she is with simply does not accept the responsibility that comes with being an adult, and this spills over and affects my niece's life.  But what good would come of me criticizing that person to her face?  Nothing.  So, I TOLERATE a situation that I do not APPROVE of.

It is unfortunate that some people do not approve of a condition or situation that cannot be helped.  But I'd rather that they agree to tolerate that situation than be forced into "accepting" it.  Tolerance allows the views of the person who disapproves of the condition to be understood and acknowledged, whether those views are right or wrong, and that goes a good ways toward diffusing the animosity that would otherwise arise.

Answer 13

Tolerance is a step, a small step in the right direction.  It's much better then hate, fear and rejection.

Is ideal no of course not, ideal is love and acceptance.

but you dont go from hate to love over night....tolerance is between the two.

Answer 14

You're right, it does sound a bit c**p! Acceptance has a much better meaning :-)

But tolerance is still better than intolerance. More people can probably manage tolerance than acceptance.

Answer 15

i agree with you to a certain extent, the word "tolerance" is used very loosely, to promote acceptance of other people.

but acceptance is much harder to come by, so i guess they want to take it one step at a time, by telling people to at least get along with each other, better than fighting.