I have 2 daughters one 6 one 8, and the 6 year old is much more popular...what can I do to even things out?

Question

I'm not sure if people even realize that they treat them differently, and I must confess sometimes, I do as well. She (6 year old) is just a much more low maintanence child. She's fun, funny, never bossy, always happy, jovial, every teachers favoirte student, every students best friend and things come easier to her, coordination, and such. My 8 year old is so friendly, but she's kind of bossy sometimes, she is nt as soft spoken, kind of loud, un-coordinated, not very girlie, and all her friends gravitate toward my younger daughter. She loves to wear dresses and stuff, but then stomps around in them, she won't let you watch a movie without asking 100 questions, talks all the time, about anything or nothing, and is quite aggravating. The 6 year old is not the baby, they get the same amount of stuff, and I love them the same amount, I just don't know what to do, I don't want my 6 year old to be punished for being liked, but I don't want my 8 year old's feelings to be hurt, or be left out.

Answer 1

They don't both have to have the same strengths.  It's okay for one kid to be more popular.  I would do what you can to help your older daughter develop her own unique strengths (and to work on her social skills in a low-pressure, non-critical way ... not to make her a social butterfly but just to make sure that she finds one or two friends of her own, if she doesn't already have them).  It's very normal for one child to be more outgoing and popular than another, and as long as the other child is equally loved and respected for their own strengths (and not utterly lonely) it doesn't matter at all.  

If your 8-year-old's friends are playing with your 6-year-old when they come over for playdates, though, I'd find your 6-year-old some special project to do, instead.

Answer 2

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Her personality is her personality it is very hard to force her to change. You can address bad behavior and reward good behavior but chances are the 6 year old will always be more popular.

Answer 3

You can try your best to make sure you and other family members treat them the same. As for school and stuff like that it's just a phase a point in life by Jr. high / high school your 8 year old will have tons of friends (the loud mouth opinionated one always does) don't worry it's just an elementary school things kids are a bit shady when they are that young.

Answer 4

I once had a friend who would not let her daughter do things with friends because it would leave the son home with nobody to play with since he didn't have as many friends. I understand what you and she are saying, but in my opinion it IS punishing the more popular child.  Maybe you could talk to the older child about how people make her feel and what she feels friendship is and things like that. The bigger issue may be getting her to see how SHE makes others feel.  Is she expecting too much from others while compromising too little? If she is, she may just have to deal with the situation she is creating. She is a child and is just learning all these social realities. I had a situation like this at home, also,  and I have found that if you make attempts to help the less popular child see "give and take" , that can help. In all honesty though, I have at times told the more agressive-daughter's friends tha they do NOT have to put up with my daughter's treatment and that they should TELL my duaghter how they feel and when they have been hurt so she realizez immediately whahurts and what helps. It won't be this way forever. Both are very popular  now.  Kids are born with their own personality and with your guidance they will learn, but the lessons will fit into their personality and be adjusted to their liking. Your a good mom for recognizing the issue and caring enough to ask. Good luck,