I have 3 children and I was wondering if I did the right thing in giving them up for adoption?

Question

I have 3 children and I was wondering if I did the right thing in giving them up for adoption?

Answer 1

if it was because they were put in an abusive situation: you did the right thing!

if it was because they were suffering from the lack of  basic necessities (water, food, shelter, clothing): you did the right thing!

if it was because they were not getting the necessary education they needed: you did the right thing!

Answer 2

Jennie, you need to be more specific.

Can you tell us a bit more so we can try and answer you the best we can?

Thanks

Answer 3

I don't know your reasons for making an adoption plan for your children, but I can say this as an adoptive mother...I thank God every day for the sacrifice my son's birthparents made by making an adoption plan for him and allowing us to create a family!  

If no one has ever said "thank you", please allow me to thank you for your gift!

Answer 4

To poster "Vana":  You kinda shame someone for making a courageous decision, but you as a parent can't spell "daughter" and want your child to be your "best friend"?  We do not make decisions to parent or place for adoption based on the fact that our child is "smart and funny" -- or not.  We make that decision based on the belief we hold deep in our hearts about what is truly best for them.

And for our original poster, I really trust when a mother can sacrifice her own feelings for the sake of her children.  You have your reasons, and I trust and respect that.

Answer 5

u a bad mommy

Answer 6

Only you know the answer to this, are they better off?

Answer 7

Well it depends on your situation. Only you can judge if you did the right thing. I can say as an adoptive mother I am happy my child is with me and he is probably better off than with his birth mother. You can't second guess yourself. If you are worried about your children check in with the agency you placed them with and see if they have any letters or pictures. Our children were adopted internationally and I still send pictures and letters to their birth Mom. (even though we don't have to) It will put your mind at ease. If they don't have anything for you, see if they will contact the family. Most likely the family will send you something to set your mind at ease. You gave someone an incredible gift. But you are forever in the hearts of those children and you are forever a part of the family.... If you were my kids Birth Mom I would welcome you and thank you and let you know your baby is fine and happy. Good Luck and God Bless you!

Answer 8

If it was your own decision, and you felt it was right at the time, then yes, it was.  You don't describe your situation, but think about this: there is a difference between sadness and regret.  You can be sad but still know you did the right thing.

Answer 9

if you can look yourself in the mirror and say you know they are getting a more stable life then you did the right thing. ignore some of the previous answerers, they probably are not related to adoption at all, they are just emotional predators that are looking for someone to trash so they feel better about themselves. i know what you sacrificed and know it wasnt an easy decision

one thing does bother me though, why three? i would think you would be able to analyze your life after the first, and make a choice to not put yourself there again. but of course i dont know what the whole story is so  forgive me if i offend you

i do think you need to practice birth control. obviously getting pregnant is easy for you and your are setting yourself up for some serious heartache if you continue to live a lifestyle like this

best of luck

Answer 10

Guess that depends on why you did it.

Answer 11

Don't feel disheartened. I was given up for adoption (have since made contact with Mum)...by giving me up she was able to continue with her partying ways and since being back in contact with her I've been able to use guilt trips to get what I want out of her.

So it can be a win-win situation for both parties :)

Answer 12

I personally think if you are unable to take care of them..emotionally and financially then yes...any baby deserves the best.

Answer 13

what is your story? why would you do this?

Answer 14

Ya know..I am sorry that you must miss them.. it sounds like this to me..but, I would like to know is would you have been able to take good care of them? feed and clothe them, and deal with the day to day things that kids really need plus your stuff as well?

There are sooo many things that I have seen with parents...I was a child care provider and I was also a preschool teacher..and also an observer..I have a TON of respect for parents...you have to give up yourself...to make the time for kids...they really NEED your attention and crave it all of the time...it is hard hard work...it is great work..but, it is hard work....they need a very ,very devoted and caring and always on top of it kind of  parent!! They need love ,patience,caring..constantly..and time! Lots of time for you to spend with them! to read to them, to answer questions for them..to play with them...etc....Kids have expressed things to me, over the years..and I also remember what it was like for me as a child as well!

Do you have these things and more?

and financially can you help them....not only helping you, but, them as well?

...They are humans like you, that need what they need and crave...their ego is always going to be "me me me, me first"

That is who these children are..it is all about them!

Could you handle this?

and what about the family or families that adopted your children...can they provide this for these children?

(Look, it doesn't mean that you never loved them...you know ?)

You can still find out about them, I am almost sure of that..and hopefully oneday, connect to them..and tell them that you love them very, very much!

I know that there are sooo many families that have adopted...my hubby was adopted..as was his sister...

it is such a gift to be able to do that for a family that cannot for some reason have their own by the regular ways...and what you have done..is a great honorable and very strong thing!

I admire that! I also know how painful that is...I wished that I could have had kids...but, due to health reasons, I have chosen not to...and it still makes me sad inside at times...!

I know that you are probably hurting alot....but, do not feel so terrible...I think that your children may be heading in a good direction...(I have friends that couldn't keep their babies...and they adopted out..and they get photos of their kids...and letters...but, they never interfere!) I think that this is really nice!

I hope that other moms and other people here will help you, whatever happens for you...I wish you many good blessings!

Answer 15

well we dont know your story...but if you think you did the right thing.then so be it!

Answer 16

you put your kids ahead of   yourself and wanted them to have a better life that you could not give them at the time. Yes, you absoulety did the right thing. An unselfish task. I am proud of you.We need more people like you in this world!!!

Answer 17

Probably, because you're irresponsible, they're better off with someone else, but on the other hand they're gonna have times to where they will wonder why or what they did wrong, get on birthcontrol or keep your legs closed. You don't deserve children.

Answer 18

If you feel that you could not give them the love and life they needed, you did the right thing.  Your children will understand when they are older.  I think it is important that if they contact you later in life, that you answer all of their questions honestly.

Answer 19

Whatever floats your boat =)

Answer 20

If you have had three children you didn't want, of course I would put them up for adoption.  There are many families out there who are dying for children and I just hope they all find loving homes.  I would use this as a means of birth control on your part though.  To keep having them just to give them up for adoption isn't healthy mentally as a parent.

Answer 21

You know everybody has their own reason why they do certan things in life...

Answer 22

Nope, When I got pregnant with my doughtier, now ten years old, I though I wouldn't be strong enough to be a mom, but after she was born I realized she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Everyday is something new...she is funny, smart, and my best friend... If is not too late, think about having your kids with you. It's a lot of work, but it is worth ed.

Answer 23

only you know the answer to that. If they have good parents who wanted them and love them then it is undoubtedly good for them to be with them. As far as whether it is good for you, you should probably seek counseling because that is certainly a big issue for you to deal with. Do you think of yourself as still having three children?

Answer 24

you're not being specific, it is hard to say if you did the right thing. Did you abuse them? Are you poor? etc... We dont know. So it depends. In my opinion every child needs a parent, a shoulder to cry on, a mother to hold. But if your reasoning is good enough then it was probably the right thing to do.

Answer 25

how do you feel about it?

our oppinion does not mean a thing, how do you feel, was it the right decision for the kids? are they better off now? it it something you can live with?

Answer 26

First of all...Did you give them all up at the same time? Like you were raising them, could no longer financially/emotionally support them, and decided it was best? Or did you get pregnant with one..put it up for adoption, and so on. If you're only doing it as a means of birth control then no you didn't do it for the right reasons. You really didn't give enough information. I guess giving them up for adoption would be better then aborting them. Only you can say for certain whether you did the right thing. If you have to ask all the people on here I'm betting you're having doubts.

Answer 27

if u were not stable enough to care for them then ok but please don't have anymore

Answer 28

NO you prick!

Answer 29

If you feel that you can not adequately care for then and that they will be better off with someone else then yes you did do the right thing.

If it is not to late keep it as an open adoption so you can still see them so they will know that they were (and still are) loved by you and when they get older let them know that you had a tough decision to make and that you did what you felt was best.

Answer 30

Ignore those who say terrible things to you about this. My first child I gave up to a better life. She is almost three years old now. She is living with a wonderful family and I am very close to them. They had been trying to have a child for fifteen years and I was to young to be a mother. I also was in a very bad place. I don't know what your story is but if you were unable to give your children proper care then yet it was the best thing to do. You should not be selfish and keep a child with you if that child will only grow up in a harsh enviroment. You did what you thought was best for your child at that time and that is what counts. It was the resposible thing to do if you were unfit to raise them yourself.

However I do have to agree on one thing. If you are not prepared to be a mother you should either get on some form of birthcontrol + the condom as well or you should simply avoid s*x. Three kids means that you are repeating the same action over and over again and you are not learning from what has taken place in the past. If you are not ready for children don't sleep around. It's as simple as that.

Answer 31

You are the only one who knows the answer to that question.  No one else knows the circumstances surrounding your decision.