I have 3 girls 11, 9, 7, yrs what can I do to get them to stop fighting?

Question

My 11 yr old daughter fights with my 9 and 7 yr old daughter's. She picks on them all the time, she starts fights with them just to get a rise out of them. She hits them for no reason, jerks their arms, pulls their arms, shirts, anything to make them cry. I spend all the time with them separately, I have no clue what to do.

Answer 1

Hey are you living with me lol I have 4 girls ages 11 10 6 and 5 who all do this all day long it seems. I chalk it up to boredom why else would they act like such animals right? They probably need to just get out of the house a little more often , try wearing them out with outdoor activities so they aren't so bunched up together all day long.

Answer 2

The next time they fight tell them to stop it right now or you will spank all three of them.  That should get them to stop, but if it does not you will need to spank them.  Two times per year of each of their ages should be enough.  Make sure to spank all three and make sure to remind them that you do not care who started the fight, just that they were fighting.  If you do this right, they will probably never do this again!

Answer 3

Is she responsible for them a lot? Does she watch them instead of daycare?

I ask because I am the youngest of three, and there is 4.5 years between the three of us. While my older sister never bullied us, we got on her ever living nerves. She was more of a girl and wanted her own space and privacy, my middle sister and I were tom boys and always butted into her stuff. There was no mine or yours between the two of us we shared everything so we figured she would be the same but she was not. Looking back now I kind of feel sorry for how she was treated. We were buddies she was kind of the odd man out, and she was responsible for getting us to do things, she never got in trouble if we did not but it is just something that tends to fall on the oldest child.

I would say set up boundaries for all 3 of  them and make them aware of the consequences if they are crossed, no second chances, they are all old enough to abide by the rules. Physical agression is not tolerated with my girls (7 & 9) but I must say at times my middle sister and I would beat the c**p out of each other, never in the face was the only rule LOL We were best friends but when we were made we just started hitting each other and would usually end up laughing before it was over, or my dad pulled us apart by  the end of the day it was all fine.

It sounds to me like she is jealous or resentful of them for some reason, be it she feels they get more attention or they are better friends or that she is repsonsible for them. this is just what was the situation in my house growing up.

By the way we are 35,38 and 39 and are very good friends all of us, I dont know what I would do without both of them. And honestly by the time my oldest sister was 19 or so we were all friends, my middle sister and I have always been closer until the past 10 years or so I would say we are all equally close, but our mom died 9 years ago and it made us appreciate each other that much more and reach out for each other where you normally would for a mother.

Good luck I often wonder what I would do if I walked in my girls room and they were beating on each other the way my sister and I use to LOL

Answer 4

i am one of three girls as well and i am the oldest... we fought all the time but usually not hitting or anything and i would never make them cry so i don't no that much about the fiscal abuse but you might want to have consequences take away the fun stuff every time one of them does something wrong tell them once when you start this and then from there on no warning, they will learn fast

Answer 5

Call Supernanny! Haha. But you should sit down and discuss with her why she is doing this. Maybe she has some ideas to help you and her solve this problem. She might come up with some consequences that fit her.

Answer 6

She sounds like a bit of a bully to be blunt.

She could be doing it for attention, or because she's cross with them for taking attention from you away from her.

It's just a stage and they'll grow out of it eventually but you can speed that up.

Take each of them out on a special day just with you, then take them all on one day together. Play board games with them, watch TV and talk about what your watching with them. Let your 9 and 7 year olds try to stand up for themselves- otherwise how will they cope if Mums not there if they get picked on in later life?

Good luck with them, and it will stop eventually!

Answer 7

i would try bribeing them a little.

Answer 8

She might want more attention than...

You need to take the three of them out for fun so they can enjoy and bond together so they will act like a family

Answer 9

Make sure that what you think is happening is really happening - it's rare that 1 of them is always at fault - if she's aggressive with them I'm sure they are giving her reason to be.

Answer 10

Tell her thats unacceptable behavior, and the next time she does it, send her to her room for ten minutes.

Answer 11

I have this paddle (one of those toy flyback paddles with the elastic and ball removed). Although it is sometimes used--most of the time when there is squabbling if I just show up with it in hand--things settle down--or just asking the rhetorical question--"do I need to get the paddle" does the job.

-O f course, you have to be prepared to use it if your bluff is called--or they are right back at in five minutes--and then, I don';t want to hear about  who started it  or anything else--the only issue is who gets it first--and there are never any volunteers:)