I have 4 sons but no daughters. I am interested in adoption.?

Question

If there are others out there that have any advice on finding a reputable adoption agency, please help.

I am now 41 years old and really am not interested in having another baby biologically. I have even considered adopting from other countries. I do not know anyone personally that has been through adoption, so any help is much appreciated.

Answer 1

You could talk with my parents, they adopted me for the same reasons.

I am so glad I did not have to carry the burden of their infertility issues as so many adoptees do, although it didn't feel so good trying to meet up to expectations and meet their needs - ever the good 'people pleasing' adoptee, that was me.

Good luck

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel.  I had two sons and wanted a little girl to round out my family.  However, that had nothing to do with our choice to adopt a child.  My hubby and I knew we both wanted to adopt a child before we even married.  We also knew we wanted to adopt an older child rather than an infant.  We made those decisions based on the needs we saw in the foster care system of children being shuffled and warehoused because they weren't a perfect healthy white newborn.  (I'm not sure such a thing exisits.)  Both of my birth children were healthy and white, but perfect....hmmmm.  Anyway after number two my husband said he didn't want to have any more babies because watching me give birth "hurt him too much and now he was afraid of me" haha.  I said that I thought we were going to have one more and he said we both want to adopt, go get the paperwork and we can get a little girl that needs a home.  So I called social services, they transfered me to adoptions and that's how it all started.  My son was three days old, my husband had a vasectomy, and our two daughters finally came home December 18th seven years later!  It can be a long road full of worries and disappointments, but boy was it worth it in the end.  Going private is faster if that is important to you.  Look up adoption lawyers.  But I recommend your county adoption agency.  That is where you find the really interesting facts about what happens to children in these government systems.  Best of luck to you.

JUST SO YOU KNOW:  I wasn't the person picky about s*x and gender.  We marked on our application that we didn't have any preferences at all other than the child be close in age to our birth children and that we would accept sibling groups and that a little girl would be nice, but not a must.  It took a long time in my County because they were short so many workers.  I wasn't complaining, just explaining.  Thanks.

Answer 3

My situation is almost the exact opposite of the first answer, so I offer it for balance.

My parents adopted 3 kids.  First time, when asked what s*x they preferred, they said they would take whatever was available.  They got a boy.  Second time, same Q&A, and they got another boy.  Third time, they specifically asked for a girl.  Yes, they were only going to agree to adopt a girl...that sounds sexist, but the decision was based on their desire to bring variety to our family.  I have never been offended by their decision.

We were a frugal family, and my mom always wanted me to wear my brothers' hand-me-downs...a sweatshirt is a sweatshirt, she thought.  Around second grade I protested, refused to wear any more navy blue.  That is when I went through the pink phase...a total pink phase!  But I never liked dolls, never could figure out what to "do" with Barbies, and did a fairly good job of keeping up with my brothers even though I drove them nuts by being a girl.  They now say they were protective of me...oh! how time warps the memory, eh?  : )

Answer 4

I can understand the desire as a mom and a woman to have a little girl. I think it's ok to want to adopt a little girl. However, since you do already have children, why not try to adopt a little girl that really needs a home? I think the best way to do this would be through the foster care system.

If this isn't right for you, then do a lot of research on any agency you choose to use. Make sure they do not use coercion tactics on first moms. Please put the first mom and the child above your own desires.

Also, I really have a problem when people come on this forum and get upset because it takes a long time to adopt. If you are going to be picky on the gender and race of the chid you adopt, then be prepared to wait a really long time. I would suggest, that at the very least, you not be picky on the race of the child.

Answer 5

Please don't adopt based on gender.  It's the one thing that I still resent my a-mother about.  She wanted to adopt because she had only sons, and wanted a girl.  She was 'afraid' she would have another son so they adopted me.  

Unfortunately, I ended up a total tomboy, and we butted heads over her trying to turn me in to what she thought was what a proper little girl should be...all pink dresses, pink room, ribbons, mary-janes, the whole nine yards.  I hated all of it.

I'm not saying that's what you would do, however, I do think that gender is one of the 'wrong' reasons to adopt a child.  It made me feel like the only thing important about me was that I was a girl.  Not me, but my gender.

Answer 6

By my screen name you can tell we have 5 girls.  We have never specified a gender before, whatever was meant to be would be.  So in that area i can't be of any help.  I don't know if they are a nationwide thing or not but we used Luthern Social Services.  If its not, research the agencies to make sure that they help your birthmother.   We made sure our agency offered lifelong counseling and support groups for her if she wanted to use either.  They also offered a support group for us.  GL  hope i helped.