I have 6 parents who don't get along. What's going to happen at my wedding?

Question

My real parents were 16 when they had me. They had an open adoption so I grew up with them and my adoptive parents. Then my adoptive parents split and are both remarried. So I have 6 parents! I love them all and they are amazing but I am so stuck on what's going to happen at my wedding. I've decided I am going to walk myself down the aisle because I can't pick one of them over another. The problem is they don't get along. My adoptive mum hates my stepmother and my adoptive dad hates my stepfather. My real parents are in an argument as are my adoptive parents and my step parents. I want my wedding to be the day I've always dreamed of and I want them all to come but not if they are going to argue the whole time. You'd think they'd try to be civil for me but they weren't at my engagement party. How is this going to work? My fiance justs wants me to be happy and says I can decide what is going to happen but I don't know what I want. Have you got any ideas? I want this to be a special day.

Answer 1

keep them all at seperate talbes

and talk to each couple one at a time, let them know what you just said, you want then civil and you want a great day.  Ask if they can do that as a gift to you!

Answer 2

Print a copy what you wrote here and mail out six letters, one to each and ask for suggestions...........

family....ugh..........

this is your dream day, they are making it a nightmare

Answer 3

Invite everyone and leave it up to them as to whether they come or not.  If they're going to be petty and selfish, you don't want them at your wedding anyway.  You're right...they should allow you your day, but there are obviously some self-centered, immature types involved.

Answer 4

Tell them ahead of time that they need to be adults and put aside their bickering for ONE day.  Tell them you'll be flexible with where they're seated at the reception, but if they create drama on your special day, they will be asked to leave.  

OR, you could always do a destination wedding!  :-)

Answer 5

hi, just had a civil ceremony, we were in the same situation we used a guy called bri williams photography he was brilliant at doing the photos of them togeather without them realising it, he was there all day and night and didnt rip us off we were in hull and he was happy to travel to us, hope this helps

Answer 6

That sounds like a mess...I'd just tell them that the day isn't about them and they need to get be civil for your sake and happiness.

Who's paying for the wedding? Who ever that is definitely gets to go. It's all of them....you're really in a pickle.

Answer 7

My suggestion is to have them there for the ceremony and seated apart.  If they can't behave, ask them not to come to the reception.

Answer 8

Be firm. Tell them if they are not willing to behave themselves and make your wedding day, a day for joy and happiness, then you really don't want them there.

Answer 9

Theres going to be a major brawl. Make sure you hire a good camera person equipped with video. Don't forget to post on YouTube. I'll be waiting.

Answer 10

I would have a talk with each set individually and let them know how much not attending the engagement party hurt you and that you hope they can be more mature at your wedding.  Let them know that you feel so lucky to have so many parents that love you, but that you need everyone to put aside their differences for this one day.

Answer 11

Dear one,

You have asked a really good question – that is sincerely worthy of a thoughtful answer.

I suggest you speak with your minister about this. Perhaps he can invite all 6 parents to convene and agree – if only for the one day – to put their differences aside in order to make this the special day for everyone – not just you – but everyone.

When the time comes to “give” the bride – all 6 should come forward and pronounce happily that “we all do.”

Otherwise, all you can do is to hold your head high and rise above all the squabbling going on beneath you.

Answer 12

Yes I have and you wont like them.

Firstly you get them all together and you tell them - like you have told us - what you want for your wedding day - its your day after all.  You tell them you dont care that so and so doesnt like this person and such and such doesnt like so and so - you dont care.  Its your day and you will not have it ruined because of their childishness.  Tell them that they are all invited to come but at the first sign of any trouble you will have them removed from the venue because you simply refuse to have your special day ruined by them.  Then inform them that as you dont wish to cause any more arguments you are having someone of your own choice to walk you down the aisle - none of which includes them.  You can tell them that this is a direct result of their arguing and behaviour.

Then stick to it.  Find a loved uncle or grandfather to take you down the aisle or failing that - a very close friend.

And if they do start a scene or arguing have the management of the venue that you have rented throw them out.

This is your day, to have as you want it - in a peaceful and loving atmosphere.  They must respect this or not come.

You must be quite forceful about it.  Tell them you love them all and that you think they are wonderful people - but this is your day and you will not, like your engagement, have it ruined by them.

It wont be easy.  But it will reap dividends.  So do it.

Have a lovely lovely day and good luck to you.

Answer 13

Sorry, but this is an all-or-nothing situation, where the winning hand is the "nothing" option.  Go and get married in Vegas or Fiji, with just the two of you there.

Answer 14

Put your foot down hard! Tell them to grow up and stop acting like children,it's your day and you don't want them to spoil it!!

If they can't agree to behave for one day, don't invite them.

You don't have to have a parent walk you down the aisle anyone you want to can.

I hope you have a wonderful day and I'm really sorry to hear that your parents seem h**l bent on spoiling it for you.

Answer 15

They wont ruin your special day, no matter how much they hate each other they will put their differences aside and support you on your wedding day.

Answer 16

Wow, I'm sorry for the pain they're causing you!

Just have them all over and sit down with your husband and speak from the heart and tell them that you understand that there's some tension but this is your wedding and the last thing you want to see or feel is tension! So you'll do what it takes to sit them far away from each other if you have to but you really don't want to have this conversation with them again and you'll just walk down the aisle on your own.

Wish you all the best.

Answer 17

We didn't have anything that complicated, but we had some drama with the groom's divorced and remarried parents.  How we got through it was just asking them what they preferred.  

The groom's Dad would only wear a tux if the step-dad was wearing a suit because he wanted to stand out as the biological father.

The Dad and step-mom didn't want to sit on the same row as the mom and step-dad so we seated them a row behind.

We were just very frank and upfront with them.  "We love you both and want you to be a special part of our day.  Tell us what we can do to make you more comfortable."  We lucked out in that the mom and step-dad were really flexible.

Since your family wasn't able to behave at the party, I'd have conversations with each of them about how important it is that they not cause you stress on your day.

Best of luck to you.  I know its stressful.  Because we had those conversations up front, our wedding did go a lot smoother and they didn't cause any problems.

P.S. Be sure to talk to your photographer about the situation and also decide ahead of time what picture combos you want with the various parents.