I have ZERO respect for my mom

Question

I am 22 years old, but I have known and lived with my mom for say...5-6 years. When I was little, my mom chose her currently 'divorced' husband over me. Oh well, i have heard that line: she was in love, but it only causes RAGE within me. I have lived with silent RAGE all my life and I feel like she never cared. Well, I started living with my mom again at 19, now I am 22, I find it hard to leave because I think about how she would cope with my sister(without me), I help with the bills and I spend a lot of time with my step sister. I take her out, show her the love I never got, and discipline like a sister should. However, I do not have any relationship with my mom. I have tried all I could, I have tried to make her happy, smile, even when I feel hurt but it's definitely not working. She curses @ me all the time and every-time I try to tell her something, she would choose to yell/curse over listening. What annoys me is...she thinks she has been there, therefore she is always right and I am always wrong.

Of recent, I decided to stop writing checks out to her because I feel like, if she can curse, yell, hit, throw things at me and is very disrespectful to me, I might as well not pay her to encourage her behavior. Help! Because I can only take so much. I am losing my mind. Every-time, I look at the injuries I have on my body (inflicted by my mom), It brings back even more silent RAGE and all I do is stare at her because I know she is either ignorant or does not appreciate me as her daughter.

The last time I told her I wanted to leave, she started cursing and said, I would not make it with her. But I still love my step sister regardless, and I don't want her to go through what I have.

The only thing that stops me from fighting back when she hits me, is the respect I thought I had for her, but now? Its all gone. I have ZERO respect for her.

What should I do? I still love and I know she would regret this at some point, but because of the RAGE I have inside, I can't take decisions for myself because I don't want to hurt anybody.

Answer 1

move out.  and if she lays a hand on you, you should call the police.  she cant hit you, thats assault.  if she does it again call the cops.  maybe then she'll learn to keep her hands to herself

Answer 2

you could leave the house or next time she hurt you hurt her back or put her in a submission hold and show her your stronger then her so she won't pull that c**p

Answer 3

i can totally understand how she almost STOLE your childhood from you...you should move on and when you are ready, then talk to her about it

Answer 4

If she treats you like that then you have no obligations to her.

How old is your sister? Does your mom neglect or abuse her too?

If she does, and you're willing, you might want to think about trying to get custody.

If she really is that bad..........

You don't need to respect your mom, but don't go and disrespect her back. Just let her know that you no longer respect her, and let her know how she's hurt you and how you feel.

Don't give her the time to answer back if you don't want to.

Don't listen to people that tell you that just because she's your mother you have to respect her.

If she doesn't respect you and makes you unhappy then you have no reason to give her respect or go out of your way for her.

She may have given you life, but if she doesn't care about the life she gave then she doesn't deserve to be a part of that persons life.

Answer 5

if you fear for your step sister, and she is the reason you are not leaving, well sounds to me like you should contact social services. At 22 you should not be responsible for the raising of a sister, nor step sister.

I totally feel where you are coming from.....sometimes its hard to give respect when non is deserved.

Pray, that is my number one suggestion. Two, is call social services, they well determine if the situation needs help. If your mom is recently divorced, she may be depressed. Help your mom if you can but, as an adult, you have to help you first.

Look at it like this, your mom needs help, anger management, seriously.....

YOU CAN LIVE ON YOUR OWN!!!!!!!! It is possible. You're 22..... you can do it.

Answer 6

Well if your going to ask the question and then answer it too, what are we here for?

If you don't want to hurt anybody then stay there and be a door mat for your mom and soon your sister.  

Yes, she will start to use you like her mom does and then where will you be?

Get up off your took-us and leave.  

Take your sis with you if you have to or tell her that she can stay with you as often as she wants.

Don't tell the mom from h**l where you live or she will come over there and abuse you in your own home.  

You could call he police and have her arrested for assault, but then you are such a namby pamby that you will probably say you deserved it.

Go girl, get out and go as far away from her as possible.

Also, suggest a therapist for your mom, she sounds like she has some serious issues that need to be addressed.

And so do you.

Peace

Answer 7

I dont think things will get any better.  I think you should move out.  Find your own place.  You can maintain a relationship with your sister.. take her out and such like you have been.

if your sister gives you any indication that she is suffering abuse.. dont let her go thru it.. do call child services!

Your mother is an adult and will do whatever she wants to do anyways.. if she cant afford to pay her own bills, why should that be your problem?  Why should you help out in a home where you are going to be mistreated and yelled at?

Answer 8

Just leave her.

Answer 9

At your age, your life is your responsibility. Move out, invite your stepsister to stay on the weekends, and go and get some counselling. You can't save your sister, but you can take responsibility for yourself.

Answer 10

that was waaaay to long to read

but you need to respect your mom. she gave you life, if it wasn't for HER, YOU wouldn't be here

Answer 11

I sympathize with you, sometimes I feel this way about my mom but then agian my mom doesnt abuse me like that and does take my side. I guess since your 22 (im 22 too, but opposite situation), you could move out since you are able to pay the bills... just remember to visit your step sister and spend some time (not a lot of time) with your mom. Keep popping in and out of her life, it could be a phase or it could not be. She is dealing with her own problems and needs help, talk to her a little... if she still doesnt get your feelings then just leave it at that and dont destroy your relationship, whatever it may be left at. I mean she gave birth to you, so respect that but you are not obliged to take the abuse she is giving you as a grown woman. Good luck!! and stick with your gut feelings!

Answer 12

The two of you need to go to counseling. Somewhere where you can talk to a professional, lay it all out on the table, and discuss you're issues till you've worked through them. Silence is not going to solve anything, it just makes the problems worse. Go to a counselor or someone professional who can teach you two to properly communicate.

Answer 13

GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN ....LEAVE THAT HOUSE CAUSE THE LONGER U R THERE THE WORST IT WILL GET AND ABOUT UR SISTER.. VISITED HER AS MUCH AS U CAN OR FOR HER TO GO TO UR PLACE...ALSO IF HER SISTER IS 18OR WHEN SHE TURNS  18  ...... SHE CAN MOVE IN WITH U

Answer 14

You are 22, time to leave and build your own life.

Answer 15

my idea is to tell your mother this she will do one of two things get very angery or very sad.

Answer 16

just leave her