I have a 10 year old niece that argues with adults constantly. If she is told "no", she will argue to try...

Question

and get her way. i view this as disrepectful, but my mother in law and sister in law say it's because "she's so smart". is it true that intelligent children argue more with adults, or is it BS? i tend to think that any child, regardless of mental capacity, should be taught to follow directions and not argue past a certain point. my children know to follow directions. are my children more respectful, or just not "the smart ones"?

Answer 1

This kid has no respect nor effective discipline. She needs her face slapped everytime she opens her mouth.

Answer 2

Well to me it does not sound like a smart child at all! A smart child would know when to shut there mouth and when to say whats on there mind. You kids r probably the smart children. I mean they know how to listen and act! and the only reason this child acts the way she does is because her mom is letting her. I am sure the child would be better if her mom didnt look at her a a greatly smart child but just a child who needs to be taught some manners!! I think u should keep doing what u do with your child because in the long run that niece is gonna back talk the wrong person while your kids r doing the right thing!! Hope this helped a little bit!

Answer 3

I honestly think kids should be allowed to argue their rights and opinions but constantly disobeying their parents is just flat out disrespectful.

Suggest the parents start taking away the things she likes every time she refuses to do something reasonable. Eventually she might realize that all of her favorite things are gone and it will stay that way until she starts doing what she is told. I tried this with my brothers and it works some of the time. Give it a shot!

Good luck.

Answer 4

You know, you don't do children a favour in the long run if you turn them into obedient little robots without a free will or the guts to talk back to adults. There are some lessons we must learn in life and one of those is how to stand up to others. Besides, adults are not automatically right just because they're older, and children are not automatically wrong. If you want a child to respect you, treat him or her with respect. It's mutual. BS my ***

Well bubbas, I'm probably older than you, and your threat of violence against me just says a lot about your own manners.

:-)

Stop argueing with me bubba, your behaviour is disgraceful!

I see your point, army mom, but it seems to me a bit unfair that only the child is supposed to show respect. If "the parent is always right", and the child is taught never to say no, that might affect their self-confidence in my view. Besides, the woman just threatened to hit me, which of course shows her level quite clearly. Physical violence is never a solution, neither against children nor against adults.

army... I know, but if it was a little child I'd probably try to bring her to do it in a playful way, like making a game out of it or help her to organise the whole tidying up process better. Some little kids are just overwhelmed by a huge mess and don't know where to start. As for older children, I think if you just talk to them normally, on the same level, they will understand that you have more work if you have to clean up their room for them. Maybe the old trick "you can't do this before you have done that" works as well, but you can teach your child those things without building up a hierarchy.

Answer 5

Intelligence has nothing to do with respect? The child should be smart enough to have manners. I can not imagine my child ever arguing with an adult. We teach them to speak thier mind and think for themselves, this is true. However if they are conflicting with an adult Mom and Dad step in. I cannot think  of a single good reason to allow my (nearly 9 yr. old) to ever sit and argue with an adult, let alone a child. I believe you are right on this point!

Answer 6

Its b/s,someone has taught her to question and or disagree with whats being said to her,or she has picked it up from her mother and father interacting.Mental capacity has nothing to do with it,in any form.Most of the time its hard for the parents to step back and see what their lil love muffin is doing wrong,because of course they can do no wrong(excuse me while I go vomit).Its not healthy for her to be arguing with adults,its going to cause alot of problems with teachers and pretty much anyone in a position of authority.I know if I ever argued with an adult when I was 10,I would have gotten the *** warming of a lifetime.

Answer 7

she doesn't do it because she is smart, she does it because she is allowed to and it gets her what she wants!  Your SIL will be sorry in a few years...it will surely get way out of hand by the time she's a teenager!

Answer 8

If it is a sign of intelligence then I know a lot of 10 year olds that are a genius.  I think all kids go through this my oldest did and now her sister (who is 10 ) is also doing the same thing.  Allowing the child to argue back is not doing her any favors because she will grow up thinking everyone should tolerate it.  I tell my daughter no, she starts arguing I tell her I said no she starts whining and then I tell her if she doesnt cool it she wont do anything except go to bed.  It works.  I found with the oldest the more I argued back the more she argued and the longer it would take to get it through to her that no means no.  Sounds to me like you are raising children that will understand the concept of life aint fair and your neice will learn it later on the hard way.

Answer 9

It's a bunch of BS!! A child who disrespects adults at a young age and is not corrected on it... will end up disrespecting other when becoming an adult. I can see her getting into hot water when she is an adult and that can get her put in jail, then who would be the smart one? Not her. Its her parents fault for allowing this. Don't it just make you want to slap the parent? My Friend for 35 years has an adult daughter who acted the very same way and got her way every time, is now a very mean and selfish person. She has gotten kicked out of school for her rudeness to the teachers and has been through so many jobs, because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.She has been put in jail for a suspended license and not paying for fines, she didn't think she should have to pay for them and that mom and dad should do it. her mom tells me "where did I go wrong"  I tell her "where do you want me to start?" she also has the nicest, respectful older brother who did not get away with arguing back, and why did she got away with it/, it's because of the books they started coming out with on how to talk to your children and not to yell and raise your voice. it's basically telling you to let them get away with what ever they want. a good old fashion spanking is what is needed for this kind of behavior.

HONEY... babbas never mentioned that children needed to be obedient robots nor did she mention taking away their free will. She is simply asking if it's true that when a child argues when a parent say's "no", does it mean they are intellegent? And my answere is No they are not. I also have to mention i have 3 grown men I have raised and in my years as their mother I will never allow them to tell me "no" when asked to do something. they respect me and others. they do speak their mind but with respect.

Honey... i do beleive every age should respect each other, But what babbas is talking about... for example... You ask your child to clean her room... and she say's "NO, I dont want to" and she continues to argue about not wanting to clean her room, That is being disrespectful to a parent and they are not teaching her the responsibility. She is argueing over what she wants to do rather then what she needs to do. It's not about parents are always right, and children are always wrong, This question is  about saying "no" to a parent when asked to do something.

How would you handle it if you told your child to pick up her toy's and put them back in her room, And she tells you "NO, i dont want to", Would you pick them up for her and say thats "OK", or would you insist that she needs to pick up her toy's and be responsible?

Answer 10

your children seem to be more respectful. your right BS, my daughter is almost 15 and she would never argue back with me, or any other adult. yeah she may sometimes get hard headed and make a little smart comments to me like all kids growing up, but to flat out argue with grown ups is disrespect! As, for being smart my daughter has been on honor roll at least for the past two years, even before that not on honor roll but close to it. that 10 year old CHILD needs to have her butt whipped, and be reinformed of whats acceptable and whats not. looks as if she's smart but in the wrong way! "If she i mentally retarded or something thats a different story and her mother can speak to her specialist on discipling her." So I look at it like this they probably let her talk and do what ever she wants to the age of 10, and now they cant control her, or to lazy to do it.. If i were you I would watch out because if she argues and talks back to others she will definitely do it to you. and her mother and grandmother will back her instead of correct her.... that's a shame. trust me Ive seen this happened with my best friends niece, and guess where her niece eventually got shipped off to by state officials, because her mother couldn't control her from day one? She was sent to Missouri to a girls home many many miles from home..for three months. So your sis in law or who's ever child she is better tighten up on that little girl or she will be on Maury talking about I'm 1000% sure he is my baby father.. not to be smart or anything but that what this type of behavoir leads to.. "Respect your elders"

Answer 11

There is a difference in arguing back and letting your child express their opinion.... I would suggest they give her options, at ten years old your not really sure what u are, you want to be a teenager but you are still so much a child. I give my nephews (which I have a big part in raising they live with me they are 10 and 7) and my step-sons (which i raised since they were 5 and 3 now 11 and 9 I also do the same with my daughter, 3) a certain time to express their opinion in an appropriate manner... you could mention this to your niece and work on it she will more than likely start to be respectful sometimes the parents of the child can't get through and it takes an outsider to give advice... I don't feel that it has any regard on how smart she is or your children... you have also given your children guidance maybe she's not getting the guidance she needs...She needs someone to understand her and be strict with her to a point...A well behaved child can be just as smart as a mis-behaved child, doesn't;t mean that one is better than the other, they just require more effort in that area....hope i made sense to you and answered your question  good luck

Answer 12

She is probably just a SA.  I would not argue back with her.  If you don't argue, she can't argue.  You tell her to go get a shower and she says no. You take her by the arm up to get a shower.  Don't say anything to her.  See how that works.  My 9 year old, I mean my 16 year old. (if you know what I mean). Was the same way.  They just put her on Prozac because she was crying a lot and hated her life.  She would also have these fits where she would get really mad.  And argue constantly.  She is so much better now I can't believe it.  She hasn't had any "flipping out" for a few weeks now.  Maybe she has adhd or depression.  Does she cry a lot or out of control being mad?

Good Luck

Answer 13

I think it's BS. My son is super smart...smart enough to know that if he talks back to me there will be consequences! They should not allow this child to talk back to adults no matter who it is. My sister is the same way. Her son is always talks back...so I started taking it upon myself to straighten him out...In my eyes that is totally unacceptable!!!

Answer 14

I agree with you.  I have a step son that acts like that and I've been working with him for four years.  It infuriates me when parents don't teach their child respect or manners.

Answer 15

Sorry to say this but at 10 she should know that it is disrespectful and not permitted but if your mother in law and sister in law permit it it will only get worser with time then they are going to have a lot going on and  they are not going to be able to control her and then she's going to do what she wants and when she wants it teach her now before it's too late

Answer 16

You are correct. The child argues because she knows she can and will win. Any child with average intelligence can figure that out. My boyfriend's son learned to argue with his mother at two years old because he found out that if he said "no nap" she wouldn't make him take a nap. We, on the other hand, don't play that game and he knows it so he doesn't argue.

Allowing the child to argue will not do any good but cause your sister problems down the road. Lucky for you, that's her problem to deal with not yours.

I also don't think there is anything you can do to convince your mother and sister that they are wrong (Where do you think the child learned to argue from?). Just  be happy that your own children are well mannered and be sure that they know you will not tolerate them acting like their cousin in that manner.

Answer 17

Well the person who told you that that kid is smarter maybe has brains for a toddler,that kid is obviously arrogant and should be told to observe protocol.If the kid was smart in the first place she would have understood manners sensing that the parents if they were also smart should have taught the kid that.

Answer 18

My 11 year old has always been an 'arguer'. I think she's gonna be a lawyer when she grows up! We have ground rules on arguing. Sometimes it's good to let them utilize debating skills - but most definitely in a respectful manner.

She is allowed to use correct debating skills - polite, respectful, wait your turn, etc.  But bottom line - when I say 'not negotiable' there is no debating the subject, and it's the end of the discussion. Some things she knows aren't debatable - and she's learned not to argue them - but it's easier for her to accept that because with some things - she is allowed to debate it as long as it's respectful.  Even in 'debatable' instances, if she gets an attitude - debate is over!