I have a 14 Year Old son Who is always in trouble!!!

Question

My son is always in trouble, he is always swearing at his mother when she asks him to help her carry some bags from the shops. He tells her to get to f***. He wants to fight with people in his school and he is being very rude to the teachers too. When he came home from a party at 3.30 am, i asked him what he was playing at and where had he been. Well, my son turned round and spat on my face. The next day i tried to chat to him and he wouldn't listen. I chatted to my wife, and i said that i thought i should spank him. I have never needed to do this before, but suddenly he is growing up so fast. My wife says it's a bad idea to spank him. My wife went out that night and stayed at her mothers house. When he came home, i told him that enough was enough. I told him the i was going to spank him till he see's sense. i said to him, you have five minutes to go down to the basement and take you trousers and you boxershorts off. I kept on reminding myself that i am doing this out of love for my son. So after 5 minutes i went down stairs to the basement, he had not take his trousers off. He started laughing in my face. I built up the courage and grabbed him from the back of his t-shirt, i pulled a chair out. i bent him over my leg, pulled his trousers down, then i pulled his boxer shorts right down to his ankles, using the leather of my belt i spanked him at least 20 times. After 6 or 7 times he started crying. I wasn't sure whether or not if that was my signal to stop. I continued just to let him know that he can't do what he liked. 2 weeks after, he seemed as if he had changed to be a better person. Then one night i looked out the window, my car windowshad all been smashed. I went out to see, their was a note from my son. I then realized that he was partying across the road with his friend ryan with some girls. I went across to where all the loud music was coming from, he saw me, he then started laughing in my face again, except this time he was infront of all his friends. I grabbed him by the neck, bent him over, pulled his trousers down. His Bare Bottom was across my knee. I then got my belt off and spanked him using the leather, he started to cry infront of all his friends. From then on he has really made an improvement. Was it wrong to do this to my son infront of all his friends, and should i keep spanking him if he does something wrong???

Answer 1

I think your son needs more punishment than being spanked. If he were my son i'd have started discipling far earlier than this but now that its done i'd probably send him to a juvenile center! This kid is acting horribly!

DO NOT spank him when he has no pants on!! This can be considered molestation and sexual assault now that he is 14! I don't think spanking in this case is bad though, just let him keep his pants on! And 20 times may be close to abuse... try 10 next time? I dont' know... He needs some serious straightening out though. I wish you luck. Sounds like a scary kid... talk to a doctor or someone about what you should do, maybe one of his school counselors.

Answer 2

Na it wasnt wrong, beat his a$$ more often

Answer 3

Wow, what a story!  Two issues about spanking him: at 14 he's probably pubescent and could raise some issues with authorities about abuse; and I'm not sure who benefits the most from spanking - you or him. Another thing, exposing his bare bottom in front of his friends is risky, even if you are the father.

WADR, I would suggest that the 3 of you (mom, dad, son) go to a good counselor to get your relationships straightened out, and to seek some effective skills to get along that doesn't involve embarassing him, or hitting him. What are you going to do, for example, when he's 18? What will you do if he stays out for a couple of days? What will you do if he comes home drunk or high? What will you do if he impregnates a young girl? There are some behaviors--possibly in his sights--for which a spanking won't work. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

WOW thats imbarresing! hope it improved your son's behavior!

Answer 5

this relationship sounds very dysfunctional. You can't convince me this is new behavior. Why wait until hes 14?  I don't know about other states, but in California, you go to jail automatically, for hitting your child. I think it was unforgivable to hit him in front of his friends.You should always let them save face in front of their peers. You should parent with respect, not fear.All your showing is, when you get mad, you hit. You better sleep with one eye open.

Answer 6

No, i think its completely appropriate.

Honestly, kids these days are turning into jerks at a really early age because parents aren't using the same disciplinitive nature that they had before. I turned out well because my parents taught me that it was wrong to do things by spanking me.

I think that your son is out of control because he wasn't spanked before when he was younger and didn't learn proper disipline.

Hopefully you don't get into any trouble with the law, but I wouldn't see why, hes crazy. He could even be arrested.

Answer 7

i dont see why this is wrong. i'm not a parent, but in these cases, i think u had the right as a parent and for the good of ur neighborhood. I dont think that next time u should spank him. eventually he'll get used to it. Next time, take him to a detention center. Plus, too much spanking will count as child abuse, over time.

=)

Answer 8

I think he needs attention more then anything. I was extremely rebellious as a teenager, and took out all my anger out on them, and tried pushing them away because I thought they smothered me. In reality between 3 other sisters I really just wanted some attention from my mom, and thought acting out was the only way to get it.

I dont think spanking him in front of friends was right, because humiliation is one of the worst forms of punishment. That sticks with them for a long time. Long after everyone else forgets about it.

A sudden change of improvement could mean he got his act together, or that he's distancing himself further. He may not be acting out because now he doesnt want the attention.

First and formost you should probably sit down with him and apologize for doing it in fronet of his friends, and discuss what he did to get you to that point. And express how much more you respect him for the improvment hes made so far. From there perhaps discussing counseling?