I have a 14 yr old stepdaughter. Is it ok for her boyfriend to spend the night?

Question

She rarely comes to visit her father and I. Now she wants to come and invite her boyfriend. I am totally against it but my husband and I are arguing a bout it. He never tells her no and wants her to come real bad. Even if it means bringing her boyfriend. I really don't agree with that. Any help?

Answer 1

Your husband is really bending backwards, isn't he?

Maybe he needs to come to terms with some things... if his daughter comes and brings a boyfriend to spend the night (UGH), she's not there to visit her dad!

There is absolutely no reason under the sun a boyfriend needs to spend the night with any 14 year old girl.  It's insanity.

Whatever is "wrong" between the daughter and your husband, probably needs to be addressed... there is always family counseling... since she rarely visits, there must be reasons.

maybe your husband needs to see the answers here?

Answer 2

I SAY YES.....

IF YOU WANT YOUR 14YR OLD DAUGHTER TO HAVE s*x.....

IF YOU DO LEAVE A CONDOM UNDER HER PILLOW.

Answer 3

Do not listen to these people.  It is perfectly fine for him to stay over if he sleeps in another room.  Do not be such a prude.

Answer 4

Your right and it sounds like he has fallen into the trap of feeling guilty about the divorce and is trying to be her friend. Children need parents.

Answer 5

as long as you can sleep in the same room as her.

Answer 6

first of all u must not allow her to keep boyfriend inthis age coz she is just 14 and s**+ is not mature too so anytime any wrongs can be happen u know one of my cuzin friend had boy friend her age is 14 and now she is pregnent can u belive this? now she broke up him &she did abotion so this is such a bad thing in this age do u really expect this kind of wrongshould happent to ur step daughter? it doesnt matter wheather her boyfriend is good /bad but try to keep her away from love. Good Luck!

Answer 7

LOL! No. Don`t allow it. If she is really in a relationship that is this serious at 14 I would be leery.

One way to handle it is to say you have to talk to the boyfriend`s parents directly. When you talk to boyfriend`s mother you can find out if his parents know anything about this or would dream of giving permission for it.

Assuming the parents were not okay with it maybe they will break the news to boyfriend and you can get out of being the bad guys (my dad did this exact thing with my boyfriend`s parents. I had been invited to go on their family vacation with them.

Then they suddenly uninvited me. I had no big issue with it because I figured they wanted to be alone as a family and I had been a bit nervous about that amount of time with them and away from home. They told me sometime after my dad passed away that he asked them to renege on the invitation so he would not have to be the bad guy. My boyfriend`s parents had been having some second thoughts anyway as we may have left incriminating evidence of this and that. But we were also 17 and in 11th grade which is a bit different. ;-)

I think if she rarely comes to visit and suddenly has taken an interest in visiting that unfortunately it is because the rules at Mom`s are restrictive and she thinks she can get away with more at Dad`s (and it sounds like a fair assumption.)

If the choice is between boyfriend and no visit at all (and in my opinion it should not be a choice in her court for that) then (and only IF dad would seriously not see her otherwise) give in but make it almost not worth it. Set VERY strict limits on where in the house they can be alone together. And if you have to work or go somewhere such that they will be in the house alone...call it off.

Sorry you are in this situation and may end up coming off as the bad guy but...wow. I would not do it.

Answer 8

Honestly sounds like she is playing him. If he doesn't say yes, she won't come. What will be next? Let me drink there?

Honestly it sounds like a great way to become a grandparent wayyyy sooner than you plan.

Tell daddy to suck it up and say no already. She knows how to play him that is why she is even trying it. I would also mention it to mom. Ask HER if that is something she lets happen and if not tell her whats going on. Perhaps mom doesn't know. Even if you think mom is satan herself, she may not know. So start talking. Actually DAD should start talking. And the first word out of his mouth should be NO. Good luck.

Answer 9

Sure. She's 14 and I think it's good she wants you two to meet her BF. Let him spend the night, what is really the big deal? They're 14.

Answer 10

h**l NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

NO WAY!!!  Ask your husband if he is trying to become a grandfather....Doesn't he remember what it was like being a teenage boy??????

Answer 12

This is a difficult one because you are the step mother. and it is primarily up to the father to lay down the ground rules.

Did you discuss how to deal with step children before you got married? If not, you had better do so real fast. Tell your husband that you think it is a very bad idea and try to negotiate with him.

If he won't take your advise then you don't have much choice in the matter. A kind and loving husband should always consider the needs of his wife... let's see if he listens to you.

Just understand that he will be feeling torn also. Tell him you understand the way he is feeling. Then pray that he makes the only right decision - to stand up to his daughter. Good luck

Answer 13

h**l NO, she is only 14 she's not even old enough to be dating let alone having a boyfriend.  Your husband needs to grow a backbone and a set of balls and learn to tell her "No" unless he is in a hurry to become a grandfather.

Answer 14

Are you CRAZY???? NO, it's not okay.  Get a grip - you're the parent, NOT the friend.

Answer 15

well maybe if she could sleep in the room with you that way you know she isnt having s*x or doing anything in your house. But that would be the ONLY way I would allow it. Only because she dosent come that often if it was my daughter I would say NO WAY! Where does your husband plan for them to sleep she is really to young to have a boy spend the night

Answer 16

no no no this is so inappropriate! If she wont come because he says the boy cant come, well then oh well I guess she ain't comin b/c that would not fly at my house! How disrespectful can a girl be! She obviously has no respect for her father, you , or herself if she would even ask such a thing!

Answer 17

i would say no no no no no no no.!!!! If dad still approves make sure they are in different rooms after you go to sleep. Keep him downstairs and her upstairs at nite. That way nothing happens!!! OMG that is tottally inappropriate to have a boy over at fourteen

Answer 18

NO, that would be a bad move on his part because he should think of it this way...if she has s*x and gets pregnant while in his care it will look bad on him since he let a 14 year old have her boyfriend staying all night.  It is never a good idea to let a boy stay all night like that.  He is her father and he needs to prove that he is the father.  If the visits are in paper then he can make her come there without the boyfriend.  What does mom think of it?

Answer 19

h**l nooo god know wuh theree gunna do!

Answer 20

NO !!!

Answer 21

NOOOOOO!!! NEVER EVER.

Answer 22

No way.

14 year old boys have one thing on there mind: s*x.

Answer 23

Yes

Answer 24

I would say no. Even if you keep them in separate rooms, what's gonna keep them from going to each other when you're asleep. I've done it. Whoooops.

Answer 25

Sure, if he's ready to be a grandpa!  There is NO WAY I would let ANY boy stay overnight with my 14 yo daughter.

Answer 26

I would say no but if it must happen put them to each in different rooms then close the door making sure they have everything they need in the room that they are in. then close the door and put tape on the door nob stretching across to the wall. with that done if any of them open the door to go any were the tape will come off and then there will be no way of them fixing it......

The problem is not the boyfriend its the sleeping over. Thats mainly a girl thing.......

Answer 27

tell her he can stay the night but in a separate room totally.....

if she understands then give her a chane.but personally 14 yr olds shouldnt have boyfriends. thats why babies have babies

Answer 28

It's not appropriate at that age at all.  A 14 year old should not even have a boyfriend.

Answer 29

NO!  That is not OK. In fact,it is wrong on some many levels.  She needs to snick around like every other teenager. That is the American way .

But on a serious note, I understand that your husband wants to participate in her life, but not telling her no is not the right way to go about it.  I  belief that setting  rules and boundaries is  truly the way to show your child that you love them.

I say infaticly no to your 14 year old stepdaughter having a sleep over with her boyfriend.  Tell your husband to watch Juno, I bet it will be easy for him to say no after seeing that movie. Good Luck

Answer 30

No----ASK HIM IF ALSO WANTS TO RAISE A BABY THAT MIGHT COME ALONG SOMEDAY. CHANCES ARE IF SHE BRINGS HER BOYFRIEND ALONG YOU WON'T SEE MUCH OF HER ANYWAYS.......THIS IS SOMETHING YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND BETTER WORK OUT BEFORE ANYONE COMES OVER..

Answer 31

No of course not. Try to explain to your husband that he cant give in to his teenage daughters wishes just to get her to visit. Likely, shes asking him because her mother wont let her bring her boyfriend over for a sleepover (and with good reason!) Its important to remind him that he is a parent, and he needs to set boundries for his daughter even if he doesnt get to see her :-(