I have a 6 year old son, who is well behaved at home, and apparently turns very nasty at school?

Question

please help. i am going out of my head. my 6 year ols son is pritty well behaved at home, yet at school he is terrible, he does not listen, he does not work, he cant keep his hands to himself, and he is saying bad things and hurting people. it has gotten to the point that they wont to expell him from school, and that was when he was only in kindergarten. things are very stressful, but he knows the rules, he knows how much it upsets me when he is naughty at scholl, yet he says he cant control it. it is gotten very bad, and i dont know what will help. he is speaking to people, i have a reward chart for him, i take him places when he behaves. he is very smart, yet makes out he is dumb at school, i know some may be attention seeking, but not all. doctors say he is well behaved but they dont see him at school, and i am not helping much, cause i am that worked up i am just mad at him all the time for being bad at school. i really need to help him, and help my sanity, WE HAVE NO ONE!!!

Answer 1

what exactly is he doing?  i ask because are you sure that what he is doing is really, really terrible or is he simply a handful?  when you say he hurts people, is this the school talking or does he flat out punch people in the face - or is it that he pushes people maybe too hard when the play tag?

i am not making excuses for his behavior, he may need an adjustment, but he is 6 years old - and if you and doctors dont see any issue - how bad could it really be .  schools tend to really blow things out of proportion these days and use verbage that is very inappropriate when describing behaviors.   I would do some real investigating, get the full story - talk in detail with your son - dont get angry, just try to get at the truth.  tell him you are on his side, you want to help him have fun at school., that you dont like him being in trouble all the time.  that together you will figure it out.

you might be surprised once you start questioning him , as well as the school for details, his behavior might not be 'that out of control?

Answer 2

This won't be solved if the focus of change is one directional only: your son....I feel that the present set-up in his home environment should be changed totally to a more receptive, understanding and caring adults...doing nasty things in the school is simply a form of rebellion against parental "nasty" modes of discipline since physically he can't fight w/ you...doing nasty things is the only way he can MAKE EVEN  w/ you...why not start working out this change within you first?...if you happen to be a product of domestic violence then this MUST be stopped in your son's generation...start talking to him in the best atmosphere and setting you can provide in your home setting...avoid threats that could just worsen the situation..instead, start talking to him sweetly and w/in his level of understanding...of course, don't expect that you could change him overnight...this is a slow process...so you must have extra mile of patience

Answer 3

First of all talk to him and see if he will speak up why he is bad, maybe he is being bullied! or maybe his teachers are nasty to him, maybe he cant do the work, maybe he's dyslexic, maybe hes to intelligent and the work is too easy for him. Maybe he has medical problems ahdd thing. There are plenty of potential options why your son is having troubles at school. If hes well behaved at home and not at school then i think it must be one of my above options i have the opposite problem to you my nearly 6yr and 4yr are brillant at school and little monsters at home!!

Answer 4

WOW! usually it's the opposite, they are usually bad at home and great in school.

Talk to his doctor. Is he the only child? If he is... some do have problems in school only because they just do not know how to socialize with other children. They do things inappropriately just to get the attention and reaction from others. Is he in any kind of sports? This may help him with team play and being considerate towards others. He also could be smarter then you think and is just simply board to tears in school, so the only thing he can do is disrupt the class. Get him evaluated.

Answer 5

I know that you mean well and love your son. It just sounds like he is constantly reminded that he is "misbehaving" how often is he told that he is a great kid and that he is doing the right thing? Are kids picking on him at school and making it worse? He has two months left of first grade, can you make arrangements to home school and just shower him with love and attention? Can the rewards be based strictly on controlling his mouth or impulsivity? It's tough staying still and keeping focused at that age and if he is told he is not able to than he has no reason to believe that he has control of himself. I know it's hard to be parent with this situation, but hang in there! Encourage him and get some support for yourself. I know that the kid down the street has had a lot of problems and mom is at the end of her rope. He comes to play with my boys and his mom gets a break. I think sometimes she needs lifted up even more than him. Get involved in strong motherly mentor relationships. They do help!

Answer 6

He sounds just like my son.  In kindergarten he was suspended 8-10 times, for things like attacking other children, swearing at everyone, spitting at the principal.  In first grade we finally put him in the Behavior Adjustment class.  It is very structured and the students know exactly what the consequences are.  He's been in the special classroom for over a year now, and we are really seeing a lot of improvement.  He's finally seeing the teachers as the boss, not just Mom and Dad.  He still has trouble controlling himself in certain situations, but it's way better.

Try to remember that (A) this is not your fault. I felt like the world's worst parent.

and (B) this is not your child's fault either.  If he could control himself he would.  

Ask the school for help.  Is there a Special Education program for kids with Behavior Problems?  I hate that my kid is in Special Ed but if it helps with his behavior, then that's where he needs to be.

Answer 7

the same thing happend to my littel cuzin it turned out the teacher was being rude and he was being bullie just like the other week he got hit and then he hit the kid back and he got introuble and told my aunt it was all his fault so check those things first

Answer 8

yea maybe hes being bullied at skool !!!! i have had the same thing with my six year old and iwent to the skool and talked to the teacher and we eventually got it out of me son that he was being bullied at that i taught my son to stand up for him self without hurting people it lasted another two weeks and now everything is good now he still has his temper sometimes but he knows if i get cross at him he gets his fav toy taken away.............

i hope everything works out for you and you son