I have a 9yrold and she seems to be spinning out of control, talking back to teachers and even grandparents!?

Question

She has two homes, mine, and her mothers. Both of us a a child of our own as well. Her mothers son is 6 and my other daughter is 3. Latley my nine year old has been just been snoty, talking back and gives no respect to adults at all. She is fighting all the time with her sister. Making comments that she hates her. She was even at a friends house and told her friend she hated her and wanted to kill her.One day with her grandmother she had to walk around with a sippy cup just becuase her sister had one. I know there is some jealous there but how come its starting now when her sister is 3 and not when she was first born? I have tired talking with her, punshing her for not respecting people and talking back, I just don't know what is left to do? She just gives everyone this I don't care attitude and doesn't even seem to care she is being punished? Any ideas?

Answer 1

I would confer with her mother. You made her together so you need to also parent her together as best you can. If it is only in your home then of course her mother has nothing to do with it but if it is happening in both then you both need to decide on a punishment and both stick to it. For example standing in the corner works very well with my 9 yr old daughter. She hates it. Every time she hates someone or thing by saying "i hate blah blah" I tell her "I know something else you hate Corner NOW". I make her stand there for 10 minutes but time doesn't start until she is calmly standing there. She has stood there screaming until she lost her voice before all while i reminded her that time starts when she is quiet. When she gets out I make her tell me why she thinks she was in the corner. She always does.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Talk to her and find out why she is acting like this. Try spending time just you and her and let her know you still love her as much as you did before her sister was born. Why don't just you and her go on holiday together for a few days. Talk to her Mother and work as a team, even though you are not together.

Answer 3

She is probably just acting out because she wants attention. She probably feels that you are giving more attention to your daughter and your wife is giving more to her son, even if you aren't. I suggest taking your daughter out on a special day were you to spend the day together, seeing a movie, going to a park, going to a theme park or doing something else. She is probably jealous now rather than when your first born was born because back then you were probably so paranoid that she would get jealous that you either bought her lots of things or gave her loads of attention.

Answer 4

Maybe its time to give her an alternative....find out if she is doing this (if you don't know yet) with people around her mothers home...if not then tell her if she can not respect adults the way she wants to be respected then maybe she should stay with her mother more than you for a while. Maybe she is jealous because daddy has another little girl instead of her being the only one,and it could be happening just now because your youngest daughter is starting to be able to do pretty much everything which means that your oldest may think she is no longer the only one who can do this and you will lose interest in her now.Who knows,maybe she is just hanging around the wrong kind of friends at school or around the house or something. My niece started this stuff at age 8 and hasn't stopped and she is now 14...and looking at going to an alternative school because the teachers absolutely REFUSE to deal with her anymore,and also she is on constant watch because there are TONS of people lookin to beat her up for running her mouth about them for one reason or another,also her mom is threatening to make her move with her father in another state and NOT come back until she can straighten up her act!

Maybe when you talk to your daughter tell her to think of it this way...would she want someone younger than her telling her off and telling her what to do all the time...ofcourse she will say no,but try to make her really think about that because if the shoe was on the other foot she would not be too happy with the person doin this to her.

h**l if all else fails...tell her that boot camp for girls may be in order if she really wants to keep actin out this way.

Answer 5

SPANKING

Answer 6

Give her a sound spanking.  (by spanking I mean 4-7 hard swats on her butt with your hand) That will get rid of her attitude.  Tell her that if she acts like that again she will get another.  She probably won't act up again after that, but if by some chance she does, just tell her that if she doesn't stop then you will spank her and if she doesn't stop do so.  After a couple of occasions of being spanked she will be very well behaved.

Answer 7

Not only does she belong to a split family she is also a middle child and not daddy's only girl anymore, i feel sorry for her.

You really just need to acknowledge that she is crying out for attention. you as a parent may think 'gee stop wanting attention, but as a little girl in her situation it's more a need it's a want. also her being a girl she's going to always want extra attention. you should talk to her ask her how she feels , and listen to her really listen....give her 1 on 1 time and just show her you love her.