Okay, so, up until just recently, my older brother Scotty has been imaginary. But now he isn't.
I know what you're all thinking... "Well, what's the problem?"
I'm getting to that.
You see, last Wednesday, Scotty decided it'd be a good idea to perform a lobotomy on one of our neighbors in the basement. Ofcourse he asked first, and Carl (our neighbor) was willing to let him try it. But the problem is that Scotty has never had any sort of formal medical training, and I'm not sure if toenail clippers, salad tongs, and a broken ipod are the proper instruments for the procedure, even though he sanitizes them properly.
Carl (or "Yishkavar the Adventurous", as he perfers to be called now) is quite pleased with the results of his lobotomy though, and now he can speak five-hundred languages fluently, and recite the Bible backwards.
But now Scotty's been giving lobotomies to all our neighbors and family members, and I think it's getting a little out of hand. He's performing anywhere from five to ten a day, and I'm afraid he isn't putting the care and preparation into the procedures that he used to. So far all of the oporations have turned out very well, and no one has been dissatisfied with their results yet.
But still, I don't think it's the safest or most responsible hobby for an 18 year old boy to have.
I talked to my mom about it this morning before I left for school, and she said that I'm being unreasonable and I shouldn't be jealous of the fact that Scotty has a natural talent, and that I should put more effort into discovering my own talents instead of being envious of other people. I must admit, that is a valid arguement.
But today my dad built us a new sofa and coffee table out of ground beef, and I can't help but think his new knack for meat carpentry has something to do with the lobotomy my brother gave him yesterday. Aside from that, my 4 year old sister can breathe underwater now.
My mother said that I should have a lobotomy too, so that maybe I'll learn to be more like my brother, and find a hobby more constructive than building my model dinosaur skeletons.
But I don't want to be like him. I'm my own person, and I have absolutely no interest in performing surgery, or making crop circles like my brother. Why can't my parents understand that?
I tried to discuss it with my mom again tonight, but she was too busy counting the carpet fibers and ironing the sausages to pay much attention to anything I said.
What should I do...?
Am I really being that jealous and unreasonable, or should my parents pay more attention to what I'm saying?
Also, do you think my brother should see a therapist?
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