I have a child but my boyfriend don't know?

Question

I have a child but my boyfriend don't know?

when I was 18 I thought I was straight and started dating a female. A few months after we started dating we had s*x and she got pregnant. I am now 25 years old and i've been daing my boyfriend for 3 years now. I visit my child and his mother on the weekends and lately my boyfriend has been questioning me about where I go on the weekends. I love my boyfriend so much and I don't want to lose him. The reason I didn't tell him when we first started dating is because I was unsure if it was my child or not. We just got a DNA test done 4 months ago and it turned out that he's mines. The mother of my child has already started teaching our son that i'm g*y and that it's alright to be this way. Anyway how should i tell my boyfriend about this and ask him if he's willing to be a part of my child's life?

Answer 1

the only thing that isn't understandable is the fact that you've kept it from him this long. When you keep something from someone you're telling them that you don't trust them enough to respect and understand. You need to tell him immediately. You did nothing wrong by fathering a child. Now you need to concentrate on being a good dad and a good boyfriend. If you love both of them, you'll tell him the truth right away.

Answer 2

Just tell him exactly as you have told us.  He may be kind of hurt and angry at first because you waited so long to tell him, but I wouldn't think it would be a relationship ender.  Give him some time to get used to the idea of you having a child.  If he really loves you, he'll be okay.

Answer 3

I understand your reasons for not telling him in the beginning, but now you must tell him. Don't make it seem like it's BAD news, it's your child, he should hold the largest part of your heart.  I'm sure if your boyfriend loves you, then he will love your child just as much for the fact that's he's a part of you.  Children can be confused about adults that go in and out of their lives.  There's a reason most women won't introduce men they date to their kids at first, so there is no emotional bond broken when the relationship doesn't work out.  So you might have done the right thing in the beginning, and now if you two love each other, it's time to bring the rest of the family in.  Good luck :)

Answer 4

You have to be honest with him. Tell him you need to talk and that it's important. Tell him everything you just typed on here and that you're sorry you didn't tell him sooner it's just that you're scared and don't want to lose him. Or if it's easier, write him a letter and sit with him as he reads it.. hope he understands. And if he doesn't accept that you have a child, then he doesn't deserve you. I know you love him, but the fact that you had a child before you two started dating isn't something that you can change.

Answer 5

Be proud that you are a father and tell him like you are proud. Explain right away that the reason you didn't tell him sooner was because you were unsure if it was yours, and didn't want to get his hopes up either, but now that you know it is your child, you are excited for him to meet him and want him to be a part of his life as well. That way it doesn't look like you weren't telling him just to be an ***. Best of luck! And congrats!

Answer 6

You gotta tell him truth.  Of course its likely he will initially be pi**** you left it 3 yrs to tell him, but i am sure you can work thru it if u love each other.  Im glad ur sons mum is teaching him that you are g*y as when you do tell ur man then ur son is prepared for it all.  I would sit him down & explain why u have taken so long to tell him & ask him if he would like to meet ur son etc.  Good luck!! xx

Answer 7

you have to start slow.

it's important you tell him you have a child. explain to him in detail what happened at the time. and since it was 7 years ago, i hope your boyfriend wont mind. people make mistakes, and you are not an exception. (thus you outta be expected to be forgiven)

However, tell someone you have a child and then tell them "hey you wanna be in his life?" might be a bit too fast. He needs to know that you have a child, and it is your responsibility to be in that child's life. Whether he will be involved, you gotta let it go slowly. Eventually, he will find a easier time to make a SOUND decision once he has enough time to figure it out.

Also dont forget, some times you and your BF may want children of your own. key word been "may"

Answer 8

Tell him the truth. If he really loves you, he won't judge you.

Answer 9

Tell him the truth.

He may be angry but he will one time came, accept the truth and if he loves you, then probably he will not leave you.

Otherwise if you not want to lose him, he may on some time come to know from any other source and he may be angry with you. That will be worse for you. So tell him the truth.

Answer 10

the longer you hide it the worse it will be. explain it exactly how you did  to us. just tell him you dont want to lose him but you need to tell him something important. and tell him why you didnt tell him for so long. if he loves you and wants to be with you he will be there for you  and be understanding. he might be mad for a little but that is ok.

if he blows up then s***w him, if he cant love your child he isnt worth loving himself.

Answer 11

hes going to find out eventually...i cant believe you kept it from him this long....if he loves you he will be mad that you kept a secret but he will eventually get over it and forgive so you can get on with your lives....its not going to go away....its not like you're cheating on him...he should be relieved to know that its a woman and your child that you are seeing and not another man