I have a daughter and a son with a woman that I never really loved. What should I do?

Question

My kids are 2 and 4. I dont have custody of either of them. I dont mind paying child support. However I have a sense of adventure I am going to be getting my Bachelors in 5 months and i am looking at jobs and Graduate Schools. Part of me says stay close to the kids. The other part says be adventuerous see what the world has to offer. In which I would spend less time with my kids. I also think that my experiences and possible career enhancement could benefit them as well. What do you think?

Answer 1

Can't you look at Graduate Schools and employment in your area? You had the children first and they always come first. Not loving the woman that you had your children with does not play into the scenario. It does sound selfish though, just like the excuse to leave the area to benefit them later.

Your priorities are with your children to include child support and being a father who is present as they grow.

Answer 2

I think you need to be a father to your children. You decided to have them, and now you need to put them first. Your education and life comes second now. You should be there to raise them while they're young.

Answer 3

You made the kids, no matter your feelings for the woman.

Your responsibility is to be there for them.

Answer 4

I think you need to do what you feel is the right path for you, However, you do have an extreme responsibility to your children and how you treat them, the time they spend with you, and how much you care for them will all be written on who they are. I don't think it's wrong for you to choose a carrer that would be away from your children, but you need to be sure that you are still seeing them, and when you do see them, you make it extremely special, and you are following up with lots of phone calls, pictures, videos, you need to make your children feel special and loved. You need to make sure that they don't feel that you have abandoned them or forgotten them. It's fine for you to have an exciting life, but please please please don't forget to put their interests above your own. They didn't choose to come into this world, you brought them here and it is your responsibility to make sure that they know they are loved and feel secure....Good luck, it's a hard road.  

Answer 5

You need to be a good father to them regardless of why you have them... and that means being there and spending as much time as possible with them.  They need you!  You should have done all the adventure stuff before having kids.. you could wait until they get older and have adventures with them.  That would be amazing wouldn't it?

Good luck

Answer 6

Then you should've kept your pants on. How can you just leave your 2 and 4 year old kids? Just because you never loved their mother doesnt mean they should suffer

Answer 7

BE ADVENTUROUS.

but make sure that you do spend time with you kids at least 1 a month/ :]

Answer 8

do what you want. if you really love your kids then you'd want to see them a lot

Answer 9

Be a man and step up to  your responsibility to these children.

Answer 10

you should probably stop having kids with her and stop wasting her time.

Answer 11

It doesn't matter whether or not you ever loved the woman. What matters most is the love you have for your children.

If I were in your situation, my kids would matter most and I would stay as close to them as possible. They will need that balance that comes with having both a father and a mother in their lives. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to go to graduate school because it will definately enhance your career options and yes, your children will/should benefit from it. However, you don't have to have a lot of distance between you and your kids to pursue that goal. The best thing to do would be to try and achieve your goals while still being around to be a father.

It'd be different if you didn't have the education options and wanted to join the military. But, your goals aren't goals that have to take place in a different city/state/country than where your children already are. Think of them first and do what you have to, to ensure that they won't suffer.  

Answer 12

Well, put yourself in their shoes.  Unless you already had this life:  Your father wanted nothing to do with you because he didn't love your mom, therefore didn't love you enough to spend time with you during your childhood.  If you had this life, I can see why you want to take off and leave, its in your nature.  However, don't leave the kids now and then when they are teenagers or older and you've got your career started and your life is going the way *you* want it to and the way *you* planned it, don't go back to them and try to be their father again and try to have a relationship with them.  It won't happen.

However, it is possible to go to school and raise kids and have a job.  Hello?!, millions of people do it everyday!

Answer 13

Don't be one of those fathers  who use any excuse from spending quality time with your children money is okay but hands on love is better.

Answer 14

you need to make better choices in life!!

Answer 15

I think that regardless of whether or not you really loved their mother, they are still your children and your responsibility. You need to stay close to them and raise them as the dad you are to them. Once they have grown more, perhaps in their teenage years, then indulge your sense of adventure. Right now, these kids are too young and they need their daddy in their life.

Adventure can wait, a kid's life doesn't wait. You don't want to miss out on them growing up.

A Daddy is a daughter's first love and a son's first hero.

Answer 16

You have a responsibility to your children.  Your adventurous days are gone.  I don't know what loving the woman has to do with this.  But if you wanted to be a wanderer, you should have used birth control.

Answer 17

well I would Pursue your career.  you have to have a good job to support children  some day they may want to go to college   .. The better the job the more you will pay in child support so they would have a better life as well. you can always make time for the children  on weekends and holidays and what if you stay and she moves away then you  wont have a career or the children...

Answer 18

Personally, I would put the children's needs over my own, but I understand that it's difficult leaving the very important choice of where you live for the next 16+ years up to someone you may not even like.  By the time those children are grown, many opportunities will have passed you by.  However, the chance to be an everyday part of their lives is a fleeting opportunity that will never return.  You do have a point about the career enhancement, though.  

Answer 19

Using them just to help your career is wrong, but at least your honest. Part of you loves your children otherwise you'd be gone. I think that if you pay child support you should try to spend time with them otherwise just give up you parental rights to their mom that way when she finds some one that does love her and the kids he can be the daddy that you can't be. If you pay child support and stay in their lives or not is ultimately your choice though.

Answer 20

when you're a parent, your children come first, no question. congrats on the academic success.  what about schools near your children?

Answer 21

Pursue your career.

There's only 1 life to live, so make the best of it.

Answer 22

I think with children in your life you shouldn't be selfish.  Try to take your children on these adventures with you.  If you don't love their mother then that's okay, but you really need to get close with your children.  God has giving you two blessings and you need to do all you can to be the best dad you can be.  Me and my dad are VERY close, him and my mom didn't love each other, but he is awesome.  Now he is handicapped and all of his so called "friends" don't do anything for him now and I do everything and happy to do so.  So you never know when you might need you children.  Do the right thing.  :)

Answer 23

I think you're an ***. If you didn't love her, you shouldn't have fathered her children. And now that you have them, your life is no longer about you. So, it really shouldn't matter what you want. These are all things you should have thought about before they were born. What on Earth would compel you to do this to them? No one can tell you what to do, but basic ethics should let you know that this is wrong.

Answer 24

The time to be selfish has passed.  Your kids need you in their lives.  It's about them now.  Get your degree and seek employment but do it locally.

Answer 25

Your son and daughter are going to need you to been there. I am very close to my dad and don’t know what I would do with out him. I think you should stay. You can’t just walk out on them. They are so little they will never know you if you leave and they will want to know you one of these days. Or they will just hate you for not being there.

Answer 26

Just because you didn't love the childrens' mother, doesn't mean you can't love the children. I would say, explain to them that you're going away for awhile to benefit your career and their lives. 10 years from now, they're not going to remember where you were when they were 2 and 4. Can you remember anything from when you were 2 or 4? No. Be there for them always, but you have to do whats right for yourself as well. Never lose touch with them, always visit them as much as you can.

Answer 27

Your kids should come first. When they're older you'll have time for adventure and all the other stuff that comes with it.  Maybe you could even take them along on some adventures and further encourage a love for education in them..

Answer 28

You could always go, but constantly keep in touch with the kids.. Remember you love the kids..  When you do come home for holidays then make sure you spend a good amount of time with them.. You'll do this for yourself and them and then you'll get to a day when you've finished your studies that you can spend more time with them..  

Answer 29

What do I think?  That you are an immature pig who should have thought about your "sense of adventure" before you got some woman - that you don't even love - preggo.  What about the mother's "sense of adventure"?

Get a vasectomy before you continue to increase the world's population.