I have a difficult colleague...

Question

she's pushing 40 but feels like she's achieved little with her personal life...some days she gets really sullen and withdrawn. When I ask her if she's okay, she'd give me that 'disgusted' look. What the....! Other days she looks like she's trying way too hard to hang on to shreds of her youth.

What's worse, her birthday's coming and I don't want to be her 'punching bag'. I used to be pretty close to her and I don't know if I should get her a present. I don't want to look as though I'm reminding her about her age. Yet, if I don't get her a present, I'd look really petty.

Her sullen and moodiness come and go quite regularly and it's adding strain to my working relationship with her.

What should I do?

Answer 1

I would try and be "supportive" in a non obtrusive way.  Be pleasant and nice say "good morning"- but, keep it simple.  If she wants to talk let her come to you.  As for her birthday get her a nice card and a small gift to show you care and leave it at that.  She may just be stressed and dealing with other issues outside of work...

good luck

Answer 2

You should leave her alone at work until she comes up to you to start a conversation. This way she most likely will only initiate conversation when she is in a good mood and save you the uncomfortable feeling that you are bothering her when she is in a sour mood.

As to her birthday, get her a simple card to acknowledge her birthday without proclaiming her age.

Answer 3

i am 41 but i think, my character is like that.  Not that if i give a disguted look, means that i am annoyed at anyone.  Probably, just have other things in the mind. To what i think, you don't need to strain yourself over this, if you can tell that your friend is in the mood to talk, then talk, if not, just leave her alone. If she needs somebody to talk to, surely, she will come to you. So be easy on yourself. And I think it's alright to give her a birthday present, she will really appreciate it.

Answer 4

Oh dear I am sorry.. I am in menopause.. don't get upset when I act strange sometimes.. 40 is a difficult age for women.. Husband thinks I am too fat.. I get grey hair.. that makes me so sullen and I wanted to achieve so much. I wanted to see the world and have an exciting career and I am just getting older and older..  Oh of course I know I am pushing  40.. I am a Scorpio.. but I am only outspoken.. I don't mean to use you as a punching bag.. I really like you.. You only have to get me a tiny present. Don't waste your money dear.. just get me some anti wrinkle cream and some hormone pills and my moodiness will disappear as well as the bags under my eyes.. LOL... She is scared of the big 40.. a lot of women are.  don 't make a big fuss about her birthday..  just give her something small... and a fun card. She may have issues with her family and she could well start menopause then women get a bit sullen and moody.. it's like when you get the period..  one changes. and another big hormone change when menopause comes.. so that can make women depressed even.. x*x