I have a few questions about friendships

Question

Why would someone like you as a person but not want to hang out with you & be friends? Is this possible or are they lying about the good things they say? Why would they do that?

I'm really reserved & I think that's one of my problems but when I open up people tell me similar stories. Sometimes I get the feeling it's a competiton. Also, sometimes they'll belittle it. Why?

Thanks!!!

Answer 1

One thing you need to learn is that you cannot force others to want to be your friend.  Try to be more outgoing and honest.  People will warm up to you once they realize that you share things in common.

Answer 2

I have a friend, He moved from IN to FL back in 1996. He moved back in 2000. He has changed big time. He does not call me that much. Sometimes I'll call him and we do not talk that much. I think we drifted apart. He tells me to call him later tonight. When there is nothing to talk about when I had talked to him earlier in  the day  

Answer 3

maybe they think you don't have much in common with them

Answer 4

They are telling you nice things about you so that they don't hurt you.  

I can think of several reasons why they would do this.

1)  Are you forcing your self on them?  Any kind of a relationship takes time.  Just because you play checkers or go on a hike with someone does not mean that they want to do everything with you from now on.  If you do an activity with someone, give them a little space for a while.  Give them time to live their life and handle their responsibilities before doing something again with you.  Schedule a future event in a week or after a few days.  

Also, get your self involved in many things.  If you are involved with 3 to 5 activities you may or may may not make a friend or two out of each one.  Then the next day you can do your other activity and be with another set of friends and so on.

You may very well meet the kind of friend you do everything with.  But this will take time to develop.  If you are involved in many things you will appear interesting to other people.

2)  The person could be jaded.  Maybe they like you one on one but don't think that you are popular enough to be seen out in public with.  Let this person go and move on.  Sooner or later real friends will come in your life.  It may even be this person again - if they grow up and learn not to be as plasticy.

3)  Learn to let people go.  If they don't come back to you they were never your friends.  Also, you have to have the mind set that you are worth something.  If you act clingy and needy they will just walk over you like a bug.  You have to fear of loss them in to believing that just because you are in front of them that you are not necessarily for their taking when ever they want just to be discarded.  Take some pride in who you are and what you are about.