I have a friend of mine who is having issues with her 4 year old. I need some ideas for what she could do.?

Question

She has a 4 year old and a 2 year old and she doesnt understand if its the summertime or if its the fact that the oldest just turned 4. At the grocery store she was shopping and the two children were pinching each other and making a loud scene, which of course children do. So she left the store and the 4 year old saw his music teacher and said "theres my fat teacher".. so she apologized to the teacher and went home and put him in time out. While in time out he purposely scratched his 2 year old brother in the face when he got too close and tripped him when he walked by. My friend never spanks her children and at that point she was so frustrated she put him over the couch and spanked him to which he turned to her and just laughed at her. She is so upset and i told her about this site but her internet was down so im asking for her. Some suggestions of what could be the problem, he's obviously acting out for something but to what and how to handle it is what is frustrating her.

Answer 1

Is she spanking him hard enough? He should be crying by the time she's done, not laughing. Make sure he doesn't have a barrier between her hand and his butt. Bare rump spanking hurts the worst.

Answer 2

sounds like she needs to incorporate spanking more regularly... it really does work wonders on children... i started mine out with taps on the hand whne they were toddlers, and then progressed to taps on the bottom... and im tellin you, they are the most well-behaved children you will ever meet! i know it may sound like bragging, but they really are... she just has to make a decision to not put up with any of the 4 yr olds antics...and be consistent with spanking...and maybe even spanking, and timeout if he gets really unruly....this boy (along with many other kids) is proof that the time out isnt effecitve when used as sole means of discipline.

Answer 3

It has nothing to do with spanking.  It has everything to do with discipline.  Discipline is teaching your child the rules (house rules, life rules, etc.) and then enforcing those rules on a regular basis.  Some parents spank, some do timeouts, some do other things.  (Take away TV or computer time, have him sit and read or play a game with you instead.) Find the tool that is effective for your child and BE CONSISTENT in enforcing the rules.  It's so easy to slack off and let things slide, but then all the work you did being consistent for two days is out the window.  Resolve to enforce proper behaviour all the time and parenting will be much easier.  (And you'll have great kids to show for it.)

Answer 4

Another child not spanked turns into a bad child...spank him more often.

Answer 5

I can't believe someone hear said..spank him more often!  Ya that's gonna do it!!  NOT!!  Does your friend give alot of attention to the 2 yr old?  The 4 yr old could be acting out for attention...The main thing for your friend to do is to remember that ALL normal children at the ages 2 and 4 are difficult.  They can be crazy and irrational and sometimes imbarresing.  She needs to be firm with the children.  The four year old which I think you said is a boy is definantly in need of some discipline...think about how you could get through to him..where it hurts.  Can you take something special away?  Could you not let him watch his favorite cartoon. Four year olds are difficult and I do believe the spank then turn and laugh thing...it's so four year old.  The mother really knows these kids best and needs to get at them in a way that they are going to respond.  Good behavior should be rewarded.  Make the good behavior a big deal..that way he will wont more of that special attention.

Answer 6

Firstly, she shouldnt have been the one apologising, her son should have. Take away all his toys and only give them back one at a time when he shows he can behave-he is old enough for the hard line in discipline. In regards to the spanking, if he has never been spanked until now, he wont understand it's a punishment so there's no point starting now. Super strict, take away toys, time outs and keeping him busy plus positive reinforcement when he's good-lots of praise, hugs and kisses.

Answer 7

hmm... well with the 'fat teacher' comment; by the time he got home he probably completely forgot what had even happened- so he was probably hitting out because he didnt quite understand what he had done.  i would advise that the next time a similar situation occurs he needs to be sat down explained to (not told off) that its rude to say such things (it is hard as we are always encouraging children to tell the truth... and if the teacher was fat, in his eyes, he did nothing wrong!), because sometimes people get sad at words like fat or ugly etc.

try not to spank anymore as it is only teaching him that if someone does something wrong, you hit them. and that is not what a child should be learning.

hope this helps :) xx

Answer 8

I think it's the summertime boredom combined with an over-lenient mommy. She's going to have to toughen up fast. If she's not interested in spanking, then she'll have to be firmer in other methods.  She should make sure she's told her son how she expects him to behave the next time they go out, and remind him of what will happen if he doesn't do as expected...then follow through with a punishment!

Answer 9

I am a mother of a almost 4 year old. Children see how far they can push there parents to see what they can do.  With that in mind a parent has to be consistent in how they punish. a child that is not punished and taught the way things have to be turn into bad children and disrespectful.  She needs to be more stern and repetitive and if my child said what your friends little boy said about his teacher, he would have got worse than time out, another point of no respect for others. She has her work cut out for her.

Answer 10

I was spanked and it didn't teach me that hitting is ok. There is a difference between beating and spanking.

Answer 11

What is wrong with you people. Spank harder? More often? No, no, no! I understand the overwhelming feeling of doing it once or twice. Spanking a child teaches them that they can hit people too when they do something they dont like. It sounds like he is going through a phase right now. or maybe he learned it off of another child. The mom should sit down alone, so her son knows shes is very committed to finding out what is going on with him. 4 year olds may not understand a lot but sometimes they do just want some alone time with their parents. My daughter is 3 and will tell me when she is not happy. Time out is the best thing to punish. Not harder spankings! As for calling his teacher fat..other children may be saying that and he is just repeating what he heard. She should tell him that is not nice to say that and let him know that it hurts peoples feelings.

Answer 12

Sounds like she has a little monster on her hands.  I had a nephew like this, never disciplined ( spanked)  the kid was the anti-Christ I swear to god.  Eventually the mom had to have a psychological eval as recommended by his kindergarten teacher.  He had to be put on meds and into a class with other children with behavior problems as it was much better equipped staff wise , who were trained in this type of thing.

The sooner she gets him evaluated the better. Sounds like spanking is not going to do the trick, it did not with my Nephew, it was a mental disorder.

He is now in jail for rape by the way. Sad but true.