I have a hard time accepting the fact that my son is austistic..?

Question

He will be 3 in July, was diagnosed in January and has been in therapy since. He has improved MIRACULOUSLY, talking up a storm, counting and naming letters. But there are still times when you can tell *stimming and such* and I find that being around him actually depresses me. I know this sounds horrible, but I love him so much and it hurts so bad that this had to happen to my child.

Answer 1

I actually am a teacher in Early Childhood Special Education and I specialize in Autistic Children.  I can't say I understand what you are going through, since I have no children of my own, but I can offer some words of experience in dealing with families of children with Autism.  It is by far a process and no doubt a difficult road after a child is diagnosed.  Everything you feel is actually quite normal compared to other parents.  It can be depressing and some actually compare the process of coping with the diagnosis to dealing with a death of a child.  Although that may seem dramatic or even harsh, it isn't when you break it down.  Parents have many hopes and dreams for their children and when something is determined to be not typical, they have to begin to let go of those "dreams" and help the child achieve what is possible for their disability.  The typical stages of dealing with Autism mimic those of accepting a death of a child.  Denial, Grieving, Anger, Rage, Depression...all these are things you are going to feel and probably many more I haven't named.  One thing is, you are not alone and there are many support systems for parents of children with Autism and they can be very helpful!  I tell my parents this when we go through diagnosing a child:

These children have every possibility to function in society just as you or I would, with the right assistance and interventions and some even without.  They just see the world a little differently, sense and interact with it differently.  It doesn't make your child's experiences any less meaningful to them or any less important.  Everything we do now will help shape their future, just as it would any other child.  Now is not the time to give up...if anything it is the time to step up for your child and give them every experience and exposure to things in life and education.

Answer 2

It's an understandable emotion...its almost like mourning for the loss of 'normality'.  It's a lot of change and a lot of things happening in a short space of time. Speak to your health visitor or to one of the speciliasts you are seeing with your son. Also have you looked into autism groups in your area....you'll meet other mum's who you can talk to and share experiences with...chances are you'll meet someone who has gone through exactly the same as you and can support you.

Answer 3

Every parent goes through this at the beginning. But if you cant accept that hes different how will he? Be there for him, your his mum and the one person who will always accept him for everything he is no questions asked and he needs all your love.

Answer 4

the feelings you have toward your son's diagnosis are very normal, and will become easier over time, but it is important to stay focused and keep your child happily engaged in therapy. The severity of autism can be very mild or very severe- early intervention has shown a lot of benefit for these kids. There are counselors and therapists for parents of children with developmental disabilities, these people can help you sift through the wide array of feelings that this process can cause for you, just make sure not to let it turn you into an awful person. Of the parents I have worked with throughout the years some are great for both their kids and their teachers, where there have been a few that will never get out of denial and they can be the most awful, bitter and irrational people to work with. They tend not to take to anyone's advise that could make all the difference in their children's life

Answer 5

i know that you love him. it's ok. i understand your problem. i have two cousins that are autistic. it's VERY hard to get used to. they live out-of-state so when i see them they're REALLY shy. they dont wanna talk at first. they like to play video games and listen to loud music. but after a while they kinda loosen up a bit. :] so i hope this helped you through your hard time. keep being a good mommy. :]

Answer 6

You must now feel pretty guilty that you actually printed that, but at the same time relieved that you were able to tell someone how you feel?  I also have an autistic son, he is eleven.  Nobody ever really knows how you feel, and you get jealous of all those "normal families."  I have two other children, and I feel as though I can never give them as much attention, because my autistic son is very needy.  But at the end of the day, when I lay in bed exausted- I think to myself "I am very proud of how much He has accomplished and I was a part of that."  Even when He keeps repeating the same stupid phrases from some t.v. show over and over again, I am just happy at this point He is able to communicate, it makes life less complicated then when He used to just cry all day, because he couldn't tell me what he wanted.  One person once told Me  that "you are special, because god thought you were the only person that  is stong enough to handle the job, and that<s why god gave him to you!"

Answer 7

you had great expectations for your child and now you are sad that you had to change them. If he had a choice he would want to be "normal" also. Learn to understand autism- read up on it, engulf yourself in it to better understand what your child feels, thinks. The more you know the more you will be able to accept his disability. He sounds like he has a mild form- be thankful for that, you can have conversations with him - some with autism can not. You do the best with what you have, and what you have is a mildly autistic child who deserves a great mom and you are doing the best you can so good luck and be and see his disability as a challenge instead of something horrible

Answer 8

Autism's a big spectrum. Goes from full-time care needed, to living on your own, married, and successful. Go out to anyplace with a lot of people... church, or a ballgame, or a classroom... about 1 in 150 of them will be autistic. Chances are you know people with autism and you don't know it... maybe they don't know it, either. I'm autistic, I'm going to college, I'm on disability but I won't be once I can get a job that plays to my strengths.

Your son sounds like he is autistic, but learning. The official description is probably PDD-NOS, or else just autism combined with a knack for learning. He's learning to talk; he sounds like he might have some giftedness in some areas, probably visual/spatial with the way he's grasping those numbers and letters so quickly.

Fact is, the media likes to sensationalize things. They'll pick the worst possible case of autism, the cutest possible kid, and then they'll emphasize all the 'heartbreaking' aspects of it. This is not doing moms like you any favors. The overdramatization of autism makes it seem like a much bigger problem than it really will be; realistically, 95% what you will do to help your son is simply commonsense parenting. The rest is just interfacing between him and the world, teaching him what he needs to know to get around in it.

Autism's not the end of the world. I'm autistic and I think I'm happier than most typical people. I know some low-functioning auties who are just as happy as I am. But I personally think when you begin talking about institutions for your son, you will be talking about colleges. A kid who is identifying letters at the age of three is not slow by any means... and that means he will have strengths to take advantage of when it comes to a career. Nowadays, it's the strengths that matter, not the weaknesses--we're a very specialized society.

Answer 9

put it up for adoption and start over

Answer 10

Your reaction is perfectly normal and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

It is recognised by most parents and professionals with whom I have spoken, that there are definite reaction stages, through which most parents pass after the discovery of their child’s developmental problems.  I have no doubt you will, experience the same process.  I know I did!

The initial reaction, as it was in my own case, after the diagnosis of my son, is usually one of shock, followed by reactions such as disbelief, anger, confusion and even guilt. In my own individual research down the years, I have consulted many parents concerning their feelings during this initial period.  All of them without exception confirmed reactions similar to those described above.

This period of confused emotion is usually closely followed by grief, as parents mourn the loss of the child, which ‘should have been.’  This may seem a strange concept to the outsider, but the child, which has been nurtured for nine months inside his mother’s womb, is simply no more.  Instead he has been replaced by another child, - one with terrible problems.  To many parents, it is as though a child has died.  One mother I know pointed this out to me very succinctly;



“The little girl I had carried for nine months had gone.  I felt I had come to know her and then she had died.  I was left looking after a stranger.”  

These feelings are sometimes very strong and can cause serious problems for families, who find it difficult to relate to and bond with their child.  These thoughts and emotions are usually underrated by medical professionals and in the vast majority of cases little support or counselling seems to be offered.  Families are left to their own devices as they desperately attempt to come to terms with the enormity of their child’s problems.

I understand what you are going through, because exactly the same thing happened to me.  I can assure you it WILL pass and it is a perfectly normal reaction.  You are still in the early days, so stick with it.

Hope this helps.

http://www.snowdrop.cc

Answer 11

Im sorry.

Answer 12

Wishing he isn't autistic isn't going to help any.  Your boy is already much better off then a lot of autistic children out there.  Many of them can't even talk.

I know you wanted the best for your child...you wanted a "normal" child.  But fate casted your lot....now you need to give your son the best mom he can possibly have.  One who will fight for him and stand by him.  Sure, it hurts, as you compare him to the normal children.  But this pain can turn you into a stronger better parent if you channel your energy into a better arena other than self pity.

Answer 13

Im sorry! Its hard to accept the fact that your child is autistic, but you just have to. He will improve and autistic children are very smart. Life will go on and you will love him no more or less.