I have a poem for review. Serious only please.

Question

Come Sail Me

My blind eyes see

What others can not

My deaf ears hear

What others can not

My blind eyes see

The oceans faithfulness

My deaf ears hear

The ocean calling

She is always there

Waiting for me

She is always there

Whispering my name

Come sail me

Come sail me

Answer 1

the starting is beautiful but the beauty becomes less and less as it moved towards the ending. change the ending...

Answer 2

In my opinion, this is pretty good. The word "faithfulness" seems to stick out a little, missing the meter for the sake of explanation. Maybe just "faith."

Answer 3

Well, in my own opinion, I would change "The ocean calling", to something that rhymes with faithfulness, so pick a word that has *ness, on the end of it. And if you are not satisfied with it then, you could, change the lines with dashes on them:

"My blind eyes see

what others can not

My deaf ears her

What others can not

-----------------------------

The oceans faithfulness

-----------------------------

The ocean calling..."

It seems as if you repeated too many lines, then ending being repeated is fine, but if it were my poem, I would change those lines that have dashes above.

Hope that helps

$~LEPRECHAUN~$

Answer 4

I liked this a lot as you have great words to describe your feelings..

Answer 5

Blind eyes seeing, and deaf ears hearing sound like cliched oxymorons to me, but the rules are yours and you can do what you like with them. They don't get in the way too much of what your trying to say anyway, especially since they're repeated--it makes them sound less like an accident. Only suggestions: line 6, what TD said, and punctuate.