I have a question for Bi-racial couples and Families...?

Question

First of all, this is not an attack like most post like this. I am just curious about bi-racial couples and no one seems to want to answer my questions. My father, who is black, is about to marry a white women. I really don't know how to feel about it... Maybe if I knew more about Bi-racial couples It would help me be able to coupe with this.

So I have a few questions that if answered would really help me understand biracial couples and families.

1.) If a black man marries a white women does HER family treat him different? Or their mixed kids?

2.) How do you coupe with the stares and whispers? My father, Sheryl(his white girlfriend) and I went out to dinner and everyone was starring - it was horrible...

3.) Do your mixed (Biracial) kids ever ask you about their race?

4.) Do white women who date black men hate black women or are intimidated by them?

5.) If you are a white women who has half black kids that look more black than white are you afraid people will think they are not your kids?

6.) Black men - do you get grief from your family for dating a white women - I know for a fact my Dad did.

7.) Are you ever ashamed about being a biracial couple? Be honest! My father didn't even tell me he was dating her for 5 months!

8.) White women - do you ever think your black husband or boyfriend is ashamed of you?

9.) White women- if you have a mixed child that has kinky hair do you take her/him to a black salon or a white salon? or neither?

10.) Are you ever afraid that your kids won't look like you? Most mixed kids don't look like either of their parents.

11.) White women - are you ever scared or don't want to attend your black husbands family reunion? and Vice-Versa? Why?

12.) If you have an extended family where the white women already has white children and the black man already has black children and then you have a mixed child together... what is that like? Do the kids get along? Do you keep your kids seperated?

13.) White women - if your mixed child decided to be more "black" such as wear black clothes styles, black hair styles, and listen only to black music, do you feel like they are abandoning your side or your race?

14.) Do you ever feel like your kids are ashamed of you because of your race?

15.) Last question... Why did you decide to date outside of your race? My Mother and Father have been divorced for six years and this is the first time he has dated outside his race... which is funny to me because it seems like all black men are these days. I can't help but to feel like this is just a trend... sorry.

If you were affended by any of thes questions I seriously apologize. But remember in a few months I will have a white step-mother. I am only asking these questions because I want to be prepared. This whole thing feels wierd. I can only imagine what the wedding will be like. If you mixed couples could answer just a few of these questions it would truely help me understand what its like to be in a extended biracial family. Thank you.

Answer 1

As a Bi-racial child, white mother, black father....I can answer many of those questions. Typical questions...

1. At first, YES. Especially in the late 60s where my parents came together. But all in all, respect was #1, both sides were poor, both sides loved football, and both sides loved to cook and gain weight. Worked out once everyone realized white or black..we're all the same. Respect is #1

2. Stares? In elementary..it was tough, all black school and my white mother shown up. Yes, you get teased and made fun of, but tell you the truth, it totally beat being the peepee kid or the fat kid. As an adult, 9 out of 10 times..people think I'm Puerto Rican, but once they find out..they are cool with it...as long as you have a good attitude.

3. Environment and peers will play 75% of who your kids will go to become. Parents can only build a foundation of culture...but your kids peers will have the final say.

4. No. No intimidation. In general, Dark men have an attractiveness. Warrior instinct. Most white people get tans, dark is a seductive charm rather you're Mario Van Peoples Dark or Wesley Snipes dark. That's attracting to ALL!

5. My mother is pale as snow, and I'm about Jay-Z complexion. My mother gave a rat's azz what other's think, especially on questioning her kids. But most of the time...strangers can tell you're their mother. Just by mother/child reaction, unless your abandon your child.

6. My father took a few hits. He came froma  family of 9 brothers and sisters. However, those people who had an issue earlier are either drunk, dead, or in jail...and the rest are soo happy because he is successful and raised a beautiful family. So,ask my father do he regret marrying my mother? I bet he'll say h**l no

7. I can't answer that question for my parents, but all I have to say is they've been married for 30 years!  I don't think they are ashamed.

8. Can't answer that either...I don't think my mother gave a rat's azz what other's think...she found love!

9. Growing up I had a curly afro. Very hard to deal with, but regardless, my mother comb my hair to a way she felt I looked handsome. I'm her boy. My father cut my hair or a barber shop. As for my big sister, she went to both. Trial and error. She stuck with whoever salon did her best! Again, as a younger, mother comb her hair too til about Jr High.

10. That's funny...My siblings and I all look like our father. Especially the nose (wide nose). Obama has his mother's eyes and his father's smile. Lenny Kravitz looks like his father who is white. I never came across anyone who didnt look like their parents. Simply on being biracial.

11. Haha, My mom was a little hesistant, my father's side is wild. So I couldnt blame her, and my father fit right in on my mom's side, OFCOURSE this is 1980s where differences were settled and everyone accepted each other. It was difficult in the beginning.

12. That is crazy. My parents adopted my cousins who were all black (father's side) and at a young age, there were ABSOLUTELY no discrimmination amongst all of us. Just talking us kids. Only thing I can think us that would occur if the Parents seperated them. Under that roof, the age ranged between 4 - 14 yrs old...and it was 8 of us. All being different from hair texture/color, skin tone, eye color.

13. Again, not being a white woman...but I tell you this, ENVIRONMENT will answer that question. You can be White and pick up on black lifestyles simply being in the environment...(Emenim example). Or you can be Black raised ina  white communtiy, and go about the traits of that community. If your child's friends listen to Rap and wear Fubu, most likely your child will mimick that!

14. In grade school, I felt ashamed of my mother (being ina  black comm.). But I was young and didnt know what an IDIOT was. Then you have test that asked for your race and there is no "Other or Mix" choices back then. It make you question your identity. But knowledge and being opened about it made life more easier. I am mixed, I am black and white. That is who I am, you if you got a problem, thats your issues..if not, let's go play football. By age 8, I accepted who I was and my mother...regardless people teased me, she was the woman who hugged me and kissed my good night.

15. My father dated someone who he felt in love with. He didn't have borders like dating only black women. Same borders that people have in dating only blue eyes, or dating only people with money. My father and mother torn down the borders. Billions of people in this world...why limited yourself your options in search of a soul mate? Love has no color!

I think most of your questions are about "How other's Think of you" and I can tell you this, bottomline, its all about how YOU feel. Nobody lives your LIFE but you...so what cares what they think? If you are in love and want to make babies...then all you have to do is worry about you and your family. The final reward is seeing your kids look up to you knowing you're a great mother. Those the TIMES that only count. And my parents held together 30 yrs. So if anyone question your biracial relationship...tell them to get a life of their own! Doesn't matter how you raise your family, as long there is LOVE and Happiness. Your kids look white and you dress them as black or vice versa, it all doesnt matter as long as they come home to  ahappy and loving home. Their Friends will be their IDENTITY! They will decide "what's cool or not" Just be there for support!