I have a question for foster children who were never adopted.?

Question

Would you have been happy if someone adopted you later in life? From the ages of 8-15? Or are you glad you didn't get adopted because you learned to more more indepandant?

I would like to adopt an older child beween these ages, and I don't know if people between these ages would want to be adopted anymore. Should I try to adopt younger children? or do I keep hoping for an older child?

Answer 1

My daughter used to know a boy who was in this situation. He went into foster care after his mother died when he was four years old. He was bounced around from foster home to foster home while waiting to be adopted. He used to have to attend adoption fairs, which he hated. He said that every time, prospective parents would look right past him and go for the younger children. Eventually he was adopted and was grateful to have a permanent home. I know that adopting an older child can be a challenge but if you're patient and willing to work with the child, the rewards can be boundless. You can turn a child's life around and make that person become a productive and successful adult. Good luck.

Answer 2

there is lots of foster children that are up for adoption and are looking for a home.you could call the DHS(department of human services) and talk to them.most do want to be adopted.if they didn't get adopted, then they grow up with no family and nobody that loves them.if they didn't get adopted and if they age out of foster care and go back with their birth parents or relatives,then they will not have a good life and will follow the bad examples the family has shown them.

Answer 3

I think adopting an older child is  a selfless act.  You should do it if that is what your heart is telling you.  I think all children would like parents if given the choice.

Answer 4

I am adopting an older child ... I'm not a foster child .. we looked into kids that were over 8 and asked them if they liked where they were or if they really wanted a home ... 90% of them wanted a home ... they hated group homes and the foster homes because there was no stability ... every child wants a home :)

Answer 5

I was never a foster child but I am a foster/adopt parent. There are so many older children who would love to be adopted. They want a sense of permanency. But some come with alot of problems.

Answer 6

adopt anyone you love..the child will be grateful to have a family at any age.i was a foster kid too. 8 through 16..i went back home though.

Answer 7

I have a friend who has a LOT of insight in this area.  I had a long talk with her one day about this very subject.  I can put you in touch with her if you'd like.

For the time being, I'll share what she told me.  She was removed from her first family's care as an older child (I believe she was 12).  She was shuttled between foster homes and group homes until she "aged out" of the system at 18.  I may be wrong about that last detail, though.  

Anyway, as she explained it to me, her ability to trust anyone was so badly marred by this time in her life, that every home she ended up in, she purposely messed up.  She "knew" she would be rejected, so she rejected them first - or even better, she made them reject her as soon as possible.  

However, she said that she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if someone had just stuck with her for more than six months, she would have felt that they had proven to her that she was loveable.  She desperately wanted a forever family, but she didn't know how to "get there".  She needed someone who would put up with ANYTHING to make her a part of the family.

This woman is a responsible, if neurotic, adult.  She still has quite a few issues to deal with, but I'd have to say she's doing pretty well for someone who was severely abused the first 12 years of her life, then rejected for the next 6 years...not to mention all that happened afterward.  Just imagine what might have been if someone had stuck by her.

I wish you luck.  If you choose to take this path, it's going to be rough...VERY rough.  But guaranteed, it's going to be even more rough for the teen you are raising.  Feel free to email me if you have questions.

Answer 8

If you connect with a human being (no matter their age) then you connect.  Most ppl would rather adopt an infant, so they don't know that they are adopted and can have the infant bonding.  My (late) husband was adopted as an infant, the mistake his family made was not telling him until he was 27 years old (his adoptive  mother had died).  It affected him greatly till the day HE died, kept wondering why the family treated him like the "Black Sheep" of the clan. It was because the family ALL knew he was adopted and never told him.   Please adopt a child that you connect with, no matter the age. May I ask you to, please be honest with the person that you adopt.

Answer 9

I wasn't a foster child, but I just watched a program on TV in Louisiana where there were so many teens asking to be adopted.  They basically said that you are never too old to want a permanent family.  It broke my heart seeing 16 year old girls saying things like, I would like to have a Dad walk me down the aisle one day and a Mom to be with me in the delivery room when I have my first child.  I want my children to grow up with a family, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  So, yes there are older children wanting to be adopted.  Tons of them.  Good luck.